


So Long As We Remember

by TheKeeperOfFate



Series: The Lion and the Wolf [3]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst and Humor, Dark Cullen, Dreamers (Dragon Age), F/F, F/M, Fatherhood, Fluff and Smut, Fridge Horror, Joshua Trevelyan POV, M/M, Memory Loss, Mental Instability, Night Terrors, Post-Trespasser, Red Lyrium, Red Lyrium Cullen, Rite of Tranquility, Spirit Cole (Dragon Age), Temple of Mythal
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-05
Updated: 2016-05-23
Packaged: 2018-05-24 18:54:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 9
Words: 53,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6163227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheKeeperOfFate/pseuds/TheKeeperOfFate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With the Qunari Invasion behind them and Fen'Harel on the move in Tevinter, Josh finds himself questioning everything he's come to know when a plot that could ruin everything comes to light, while Cullen seeks to ensure that his lover and best friend will never become the Herald of Fen'Harel.</p><p>Doubt everything- for nothing is certain.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. They Call You Broken

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there and welcome to the finale of "The Lion and the Wolf" :)  
> This work is completely from Josh's POV and just like "Shadows in the Light" and "There is No Light", this work contains lots of violence, fluff and smut.  
> Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy the journey ahead! ^_^

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I get to rile up some nobles and spend time with Cullen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Josh sings is Worlds Collide by Nicki Taylor (League of Legends) and I wrote this chapter while listening to Beyond the Veil by Lindsey Stirling.

 

Can we bring to fall the giants…

Can we make the final call?

 

Maxwell nudged me for the third time, interrupting me mid-hum. It was beginning to irritate me as my brother readjusted his clothes and looked at me with an exasperated look as we approached the Denerim Royal Palace. A few passing soldiers cat called as I swayed my hips about. Brother flushed slightly as he moved.

“If you nudge me again, I will trip you.” I murmured as I pulled out my fan and began to flutter it about ostentatiously as a few servants looked at us in confusion. They pointed and watched in awe as we moved into the courtyard and towards the entrance. “This will work.”

“Easy for you to say, brother. You are feminine in some ways. It’s simply not natural for me to…move like a woman.” Brother cussed as I tripped him slightly for his offhand remark about me. A soldier quickly ran to his side and helped him up, none the wiser as to who we were and our intentions for the King and Queen of Ferelden. I waved off the soldier who looked at Max with a haughty grin as he resumed his rounds while we were ushered into the main hall. I looked at the usher and put on a winning smile.

“Announce us.”

The man looked at me and bowed with a smile as he led us towards the throne room. The handsome as ever King Alistair (Nothing compared to Cullen) smirked as we approached. Anora waved off the man and curtsy us as she took a seat beside her husband while the court looked on from above, eager to see why we were there.

“Madame de Fer, Imperial Court Mage of Orlais and former companion of Inquisitor Lavellan.” I curtsy the monarchs and inwardly chuckled when I caught sight of Sera and her Red Jennies infiltrating the palace as the pair nodded to me then looked at Max in anticipation.

“Lady Cassandra Pentaghast, former Seeker of Truth and the Right Hand of Divine Victoria.” Maxwell moved to bow, but I was able to stop him with a brief nudge. Alistair looked amused by his mistake as Max then curtsy the King.

“Such important visitors, tell us my dear ladies…why have you come to us?” Anora looked at us with a critical eye. Maxwell nodded to me as I stepped forward and smiled a brightly as I could.

“We could take some time to speak of politics but I’ve gathered that without the Inquisition that the Mage-Templar War has seared your pockets, as well as the Orlesians. We are here to take back what is ours.”

“Oh pray tell then, what is yours, Viv?” Alistair was still smiling as he folded his hands into a steeple and looked at me.

“It is properly: Madame Vivienne and I believe you know what I speak of, your majesty. Return her or you will face Our wrath.”

“'Our' wrath? I am not afraid of bogeymen.”

“We are not 'bogeymen'.” I rasped as I dispelled my illusion and Alistair looked stunned as I stood in front of him with a grin, covered in white wolf’s fur, my face hidden from prying eyes as I intoned my magicks, taking on the guise of various nobles and Inquisition members, then reverting to my own. Max however kept his illusion of Cassandra intact. “Release the Ambassador or you will pay with your life.”

“I do not take kindly to threats in my court. Guards! Arrest them!”

“Is it wise to place such trust in your men?” Maxwell tittered as he approached with a sultry smile. He then pointed up to the second floor and I heard Anora gasp as she saw many of their archers pointing their arrows at the nobles and the royal couple as Sera and her cohorts left with bags of valuables, unseen and unhindered. “Blind trust is what gets monarchs killed, Alistair.”

“Who are you people?” Anora asked with a look of horror on her face as she turned to Alistair then looked right back at me. I bowed to her slightly and smiled as Maxwell secured the area with his sword and shield while the archers above kept the nobles in check.

“The people you very rudely rejected.” I grinned as I saw my ambassador coming from a nearby corridor, a little under the weather but a devilish grin on her face as she moved into the room with her hands clasped together. She smiled at me briefly but her eyes bore down at Alistair and Queen Anora as the court gasped at her arrival. It was then that I started to sing. The room was silent as soldiers stomped their feet rhythmically as I moved towards the couple.

 

Can we bring to fall the giants?

 

The stomping became louder as I stood a few paces from the royal couple and smiled as Maxwell sang with Florianne.

 

Can we bring to fall the giants?

 

I then smirked when a loud cheer broke out as the stomping became unbearably loud and echoed throughout the palace. Almost every servant, every guard and soldier stood with a hand over their heart and the other lingering over their mouth, as if shielding a closely guarded secret. The halls erupted with the bellows of many, shouting on the top of their voices and I smiled. I heard them roar.

 

CAN WE BRING TO FALL THE GIANTS?!

 

I gave Alistair and his wife a resolute look as I approached them and stood at their thrones with a haughty look as I folded my arms in derision. The palace erupted in song as I sang.

 

We are the ones

To ignite the darkened skies.

The champions, of a world that we defy.

A solemn reign,

For the few that rise up high.

And we all fight

At the last light

 

“We are The Lion and The Wolf. We are the names whispered to the heavens in fear. We are the eyes in the dark who watch and wait for signs of the End. We are the knife in the shadows to mollify those who would hurt the unknowing. We are the veiled hand, the unseen force at work at every moment as you sit in complacence and decadence.” Florianne said as the song died down and as I moved back to Maxwell’s side. She then pointed to the King and Queen, then to the nobles above. She then moved over to me and smiled as she bowed. “It takes more than a man to silence me. This was merely a chance for you to meet the Wolf.”

“So…you are The Wolf?” Alistair asked as he got up from his seat and moved towards me slowly. I saw Anora look at me then her husband in concern as he stopped a few paces from me and shook his head. “A master of disguise? I’m not impressed. Leliana could manage better.”

“Neither am I, King Alistair. You are a child upon a throne with no vision. You will learn to bend or you will break. It is that simple.” I muttered as Alistair moved to punch me. I fade cloaked behind him and manifested a blade of ice to his neck. He froze in that moment and I saw Maxwell grin at me as he moved to Anora to keep her pacified. “Do not kid yourself, fraud. I am too much for you.”

I then felt my mana drain briefly but the fool didn’t realize my secret. The mana rushed right back into me as I grazed the blade over his neck to draw blood but not to kill. He squirmed in my grasp with a cry of pain.

“Do not even attempt to drain me, Templar. I have studied the ways, I am one as well.” I let go of Alistair and kicked his backside so he stumbled towards the entrance while Maxwell pushed Anora to her husband’s side. I then moved over to the thrones and smiled as I sat down and watched as Alistair bared his teeth with a growl when I crossed my legs and pulled my fingers into a steeple.

“You will not get away with this!”

“The message is sent. You will either meet with our demands or you will lose your country. Empress Celene has tried to oust us- she has lost most of her country aside from the Winter Palace. Do not make me take it all by force. I will.”

“Where is the Lion?” Alistair snarled as he pointed to Maxwell. “Is this him?”

“Where and who the Lion is…is not your concern. His presence was not required.”

“Why?”

“Is it not obvious, my lord?” Florianne tittered as she moved to my side as Maxwell circled the royal couple with his blade out. “You are not worth his presence.”

“How am I not worthy?” Alistair glowered at me as Maxwell sheathed his blade and approached the throne with a nod. I then got up and pointed to the couple in each other’s arms.

“I challenge you to figure that out, your Majesty. You have been warned. If I find out that you have disrespected us again, The Lion will meet with you personally and by then, you won’t have a pretty head for that crown. Now…Forget.”

I saw Alistair gasp as I clicked my fingers. A blinding flash covered the area as Maxwell and Florianne cloaked once I flicked a miniature thieves’ lantern I kept on hand and we moved at a speed that exceeded what the eye could comprehend. Before we knew it, we were outside the Brecilian Forest at the makeshift campsite that I set up, along with the lantern I set up earlier. I crushed it with my boot and made sure that it was completely destroyed while my companions looked at me with wonder.

“And you wondered why I opted to learn Artifice, Maxwell. Useful, isn’t it?”

“Quite so Wolf, that was fun.” Florianne chuckled as she took my hand and kissed it briefly. “Thank you for the distraction. I am glad to have taken this post...It is most rewarding.”

“I am glad, but don’t thank me, Ambassador. It was my duty as The Wolf. The Lion will be glad to know of our success.” I smiled as I recalled that he was in Honnleath with his family and Sulahn. I felt like a giddy apprentice when I recalled all the things I planned for our reunion for the week. I pulled off my white-wolf overcoat and rolled it up into my pack.

“I will take her to the safehouse. Will you make it to Honnleath safely?” My brother asked as I dispelled his illusion. He smiled as I took his hand and smiled at him as well.

“Yes. I’ll be fine. You be careful, brother. Thedas is not safe.” I kissed his cheek and bowed to Florianne as they hitched a pair of horses then rode south. I then started a hike towards Honnleath. (Finally)

I kept off the roads, taking the unseen paths through the swamplands and forests of Ferelden to mask my movements. The few times I camped were uneventful but for the nightmares I had. I never remembered them, but there was always the sound of water in them.

Hunting game was easy with my spells and allowed me to practice archery with the new spell I developed: the Mana Arrow, a spell that gripped directly at the fade, shaping raw Lyrium into a line of force that is fired like an arrow from a bow. What made it unique were the facts that it firstly ignored all the defenses of the creature it struck. Secondly, it was able to move through the physical realm at an alarming speed that defied all reason, allowing it to assassinate foes without alerting their allies to my presence.

Once I passed Lothering and entered the Hinterlands, I felt my bracelet become heavy for a moment as The Lion’s heartbeat quickened slightly. It was nearly nightfall, so I decided to camp in the Witchwood under the stars. Whenever the bracelet’s weight increased, it meant that he was thinking of me and that he needed me, so I sought him out in my dreams.

It was simple to find him in my dreams. The dasemah’lin acted as a tether to keep us together as I navigated the overly bright and psychedelic realm of dreams. But it was scary to behold the millions of eyes on me, watching as I approached the Lion of my heart with a grin. He was seated on a bed, half covered by his blanket and his heart racing as his eyes was closed in rapture as he moved his hand at a quick rhythm. I then realized what he was doing and intoned doubt to keep my presence a secret while I made sure no demons approached us.

Cullen’s hand stroked at his cock with a sure grip, moving slick with pre that dribbled from the tip down to his fingers, filling the room with his intense musk as I settled down in awe, watching intently as he moved, he had no idea that I was watching him masturbate as his fingers began to curl around the hard flesh, drawing out low moans that made my heart sing. The sound of flesh moving against flesh echoed in my mind as he quickened his pace and began to fuck his own hand, my name on his lips as he bucked up into his hand, desperate for release.

I then unthinkingly reached out. My hand prying the flesh out of his hand and into my own as his eyes bolted open, narrowing down on me as he watched me start a slow movement with his cock in my hand. He let out a sigh of relief as he moved to kiss me but I stopped him with a stern look and I quickened my movements as my own cock grew hard.

Cullen then let out a slight growl as my fingers massaged at his tip and at the small shards that dotted his shaft. His eyes looked at me with a look of utter lust as I wrapped both my hands around the rod of flesh and lathered it up with some of his own pre. The former-templar murmured as he bucked into my hand erratically and I brought myself close to him. (This warmth…)

My lover came with a loud roar as streams of seed sputtered about, all over my chest, face and hair. A feeling of satisfaction enveloped me as I wiped some cum from my face and brought it to my lips. I licked at it and the salty taste engulfed me as Cullen flushed.  Once, the idea of eating his seed disgusted me but now, it made me feel invigorated as his seed burned as it went down my throat and reminded me that despite everything, I despite the Red, despite Corypheus, despite Solas…I am Cullen’s Wolf. I am his alone and…for the love of Whoever created us- I feel alive by the grace his love.

“Maker’s breath…” Ma vhenan stammered as I climbed onto the bed beside him and hugged at his chest. He held me close and began to pull at my breeches with his claw but I stopped him with a kiss at his hairline. “I really miss you.”

“I miss you too Cullen. I’m glad to see that you’re as virile as ever. I was hoping that you’d wait for me…”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean- I mean I did but- Maker’s mercy- I was hard and you- uh…um-“ Cullen blushed as I moved for his cock and kissed the tip and teased at the shaft with my fingers.

“When I saw you going at it, I considered watching in the dark. I’d watch as you came with my name, screaming on the top of your voice. I would watch was you painted the floor with your cum and I would wish that you filled me up with that cum. It’s so hot and sticky, my love. I want it all over me even if it’s messy. Just another affirmation that I am yours.”

“What a bad wolf you are…”

“Will you punish me for being bad then?” I gave Cullen an innocent look as I reached for his cock and he hardened again at my touch, a loud growl on his lips as he pulled me into a feverish kiss. He then pulled away and pointed to my erection.

“I will, but what about you? Do you-”

“Don’t worry. I’m saving myself for when we’re together. I want to cum over and over with your name on my tongue as I scream out in ecstasy.”

“Maker…don’t talk like that…I’ll cum again if you tease me.”

 I tightened my grip on Cullen’s cock as he sighed and pre dribbled down from his tip to my fingers as I began a slow motion of pumping his flesh. He let out a needy howl as I kissed at his shaft and grinned at him.

“Cum again then, by all means vherain. I am yours.”

 

\---

 

I resumed my hike after bringing my love to release again. He would wake up spent and happy, for now that was enough for me. It wouldn’t take long to get to Honnleath. Without my wolf overcoat, people were none the wiser to my identity but it was quite comical to walk by and have someone gossip about what the Wolf did in Denerim or even to hear who the Lion disgraced in Orlais or Antiva.

We were a force (not an organisation) to be reckoned with, a force in opposition to Fen’Harel and the Qunari. A force of order against the chaos to come in the years ahead but somehow, despite all my Lion’s reassurances, I was ill at ease.

The only real rest I allowed myself was at Cullen’s side. When I slept without him beside me physically, I would have the strangest dreams of death and despair. No amount of fadewalking or dreamscaping would tear me out of them and I would never remember any details except the sounds of splashing water.

I passed through Redcliffe and I was greeted by Connor Guerrin. He was our agent there to ensure Arl Teagan remained sedate. (That asshole and his "King" will pay for treating my sister as cruelly as they did during the Exalted Council!) The youth briefed me during my stay at The Gull and Lantern. The situation in Ferelden was largely under control. After Celene’s stupid stunt in Orlais and the intelligence reports that Briala provided, we were able to wrest control of Orlais from the Empress. She was merely a puppet upon the throne. Now Alistair…he was not stupid and he knew that I knew that he wasn’t. However- Morrigan provided me with blackmail material if and when the King decided to rebel. He was our pawn for the moment. (Neria's friend or not, Alistair is a fool. He will break.)

Connor provided me with details of potential Tevinter movements in the South. I told him to keep an eye out and to tell the rest of his agents to do the same. He nodded eagerly as he bid me farewell and I retired to my room, Sera snuck in from the window and grinned. (Oh no…not that look)

“Really cleaned them out.” Sera giggled as she hugged at my chest and nodded. “Doing good work yeah? Will feed a lot of hungry mouths.”

“Are you satisfied with our efforts Sera? Do you think we could do more for the little people?”

“We could always be doing more but…we’re doing more than most. That’s good innit? Food and gold for everyone- and we got to stick it to nobles. Win-win yeah?”

“Yeah.” I simpered as I collapsed on the bed with a tired sigh. Sera lay down beside me with a concerned look in eyes as she curled up against me.

“What’s wrong Wolfy? I thought you’d be happy. You’ll get to joust with Lionheart again soon. He’ll remember you and then you can have all the fun times you want, innit?” The elf stroked my cheek while looked up at the ceiling. She then gasped slightly when her fingers grazed a stray tear that involuntarily slid down my cheek. “Josh-Posh…”

“I just…” I began as more tears flowed without my permission and my vision blurred. I felt Sera hug at my chest as her thin hands and fingers encircled me with sisterly warmth. “I feel so helpless. Every morning, he forgets who he is. He remembers everyone and our mission but not our names or his. I never wanted this. I wanted him to be happy and whole. I don’t mind reminding him but it hurts to see him lamenting over what he loses each day. “

“Be strong for him, Joshie-Woshie. Cullen-Wullen loves you with all his heart, innit? As much as I love my Widdles, I hope to the Maker that we’ll have the same love you guys have. I saw how he looks at you. Like you’re his reason to live yeah? I love that. I see it and I want to love Widdles like that.”

“You will.” I affirmed as Sera wiped at my tears and smiled impishly. “What are you thinking Sera?”

“I’m thinking pranks. Need you smiling and happy. And you’re my friend- love you, Curly-Wurly and Sula-Wula to bits. Like family yeah?” Sera rubbed her hands together after helping me back to my feet. I smiled at her as I inwardly cringed. Her pranks were awesome but troublesome. “Don’t like family to be sad.”

“That’s so sweet of you. Thank you.”

“It’s only right, yeah?” Sera flushed slightly and grinned ear to ear. “I mean- This Lionheart and Wolfy shite; it gives us power to make a difference. You and Cullen are Big Hats now and you’re not lording over the little people. I call that badass. Only right if I help keep you happy.”

I nodded to she took me outside towards the Chantry with a sinister look on her face as she spotted a few Chantry sisters and brothers sitting together and eating lunch.

“Got an idea. We walk on over there and we feint horror. We shout and scream, collapse on the ground shaking in our boots. They do it too and then- you use your weird magic to spirit us away. Ton of laughs to be had!” Sera giggled as she shoved my shoulder playfully and grinned to herself. “We’ll be long gone and watching, whole town will laugh, yeah!”

“I’m in!”

“You can’t be that small that you have to announce it to Lionheart. I mean, say what you want but that just sounded…wrong.” Sera tittered as we passed a chantry mother and she looked at me with look of horror as she scurried into the chantry, Sera looked at me with a proud look as I flushed deeply and shook my head. “Never gets old!”

“Ugh…Sera, why do I love you again?”

“’Cause I’m fun, I give you ideas to try out with Lionheart and ‘cause you’re shite at jousting. Admit it Wolfy.”

“I am.” I smiled at her and nodded. “But I try.”

“Keep trying then. I’m sure he’s eager to see you. Shite, how long’s it been?”

“Three months.”

“He must be dying to see you.” Sera giggled as we made our way towards the group of brothers and sisters. She then whispered into my ear. I immediately flushed. “Wonder if he’s been practicing for you as well. It’s a honeymoon, innit?”

“It…is. Yeah.”

My time with Sera was brief, but she managed to put a smile on my face before leaving to meet up with Calpernia in Orlais for report comparisons. The two of them fostered a weird friendship but between their agents, Moth- uh...Samson’s forces and Florianne’s diplomacy, The Lion and the Wolf was able to strike hard and fast against foes who threatened the peace.

Within a few days of travelling on foot, I was a few minutes away from Honnleath but there was something odd as I moved through the forest. I kept hearing a slight movement in the underbrush of the forest. Sometimes a small rustle of leaves, other times a twig that snapped. I didn’t pay any mind to it until it grew louder and then I heard it: Barking. (A dog-)

A huge dog, roughly about a head shorter than Cullen, slobbered towards me barking and woofing. My fear of large dogs immediately kicked in as it continued to approach me with its tongue out, panting angrily as I backed away.

“N-Nice doggy…” I squeaked as the dog woofed loudly and looked at me with a knowing look. (Ah shit…no...don't-) My willpower was broken in that moment as I darted in the direction of the cabin. I heard the dog chasing after me, barking as I dodged many trees and bushes in the way. I caught sight of Cullen chopping wood at a stump. He looked at me bewildered as I pointed towards the forest, panting and on the verge of tears. “Big dog! There’s a big fucking dog after me out there! Help-”

“You’re early- Where, my love?! I don’t see him!” Cullen dropped the axe in his hand and looked about frantically as I clung to his form. Suddenly, the dog leapt out of the shadows cast by the trees and I jumped into Cullen’s arms, my face tucked against him. “Wait- I…”

“Eck! Help Cullen…Big dog…no- don’t bite me…hha!” I murmured as I cried into his chest. Cullen kissed my cheek and carried me inside the cabin. He set me down on the bed with a small grin as he wiped my eyes of the tears flowing involuntarily. The dog then appeared beside him and lunged at me. “No- He’s going to bite me! Eeep!”

“…Charger likes you. I didn’t know you’re afraid of Mabari.”

“Charger?” I looked at Cullen with a confused look. He chuckled slightly and pointed to the brown dog and stroked its head as it returned to his side.

“I found him after you left. I think he smelt your bracelet and realized that you’re my partner. He really likes you it seems.” Cullen smiled as the dog approached me and licked at my cheek and ear. I had to hold in a gasp lest Cullen laugh at me. “I like you too.” (Aww, thank you Cullen.)

“Uhhh…his breath stinks.” I pulled away and shook my head. “At least you don’t stink.”

“Not that you know of. But you didn’t tell us why you’re afraid of dogs. You’ve fought Mabari before…” Cullen flushed slightly when my eyes traced his chest, I realized that all that time was I clinging to his chest; I was clinging to a shirtless, sweaty Cullen wearing only a loose pair of breeches and boots.

“Us?”

“Charger and I.” Cullen smiled as the large dog licked his face and nuzzled his hands with a happy bark. “Mabari are clever. They understand what people say.”

“I…Moth had a large dog once. She trained it to bite the servants and she told me that she’d tell the dog to bite me and Alara if we ever disobeyed her- just like with her servants. I’ve been bitten quite a bit. Alara was quite lucky in that regard. Maxwell befriended the dog one day and then the bites stopped. This dog looked at me just like that dog did.” The big dog whimpered slightly as Cullen looked at me in understanding. He looked at the dog briefly, and then turned to me with a sad look.

“I can’t send him away. He’s a friend.”

“I know. I won’t ask you to. I-I’ll get used to the idea Cullen. I will.” I managed to smile as Cullen moved onto the bed and I realized that Sulahn wasn’t around. “Where’s our daughter? I was hoping to see her before we…”

“Oh…uh right.” Cullen coughed and flushed red. “Bethany and Branson took her to Val Royeaux while we’re on our honeymoon. I hope you don’t mind. I wanted it to be just the two of us.”

“And Charger.” Right then as if on cue, the dog barked happily and licked at Cullen’s hands as ma vhenan stroked its fur.

“And Charger.” Cullen chuckled as he kissed my forehead. I leaned into the contact and placed my hands on his sweaty chest, tracing his hard abs and the shards that lingered about his flesh. He let out a small growl as I did so and grinned.

“I don’t mind. This honeymoon was long overdue. Before the Conclave, everything was so slapdash and quick. Two years…We didn’t even have a chance to have a romantic night together since the whole ordeal with Solas.”

“I know and I want to make things right. Tonight it will only be me and you here. We will have a chance to breathe for once in our lives. No problems outside this cabin, only us.”

“And Charger…” I smiled. I then gave Cullen a sad look as I traced his hairline. “Where’s Ashara?”

“Tevinter. She couldn’t bear to stay here any longer. She wants to find Solas- I understand that. So…Dorian’s keeping her an eye on her at his family estate in Qarinus along with Iron Bull, Rosalie and Krem.”

“Oh yes. I remember that place. Lovely gardens.” I nodded as Cullen pointed outside and towards a bulging bag on the kitchen table.

“I’ve bought some vegetables. You could start preparing the soup while Charger and I hunt. There’s ample chopped wood to start the fire.” Cullen murmured as he pulled on a loose shirt and unhooked his sword from the wall. I was sad to see his muscle covered up with cotton. It was always nice to see him in motion and ogle what was ultimately mine. “Will you be alright alone love?”

I pulled Cullen into a passionate kiss and smiled as I licked at his scar briefly. Charger seemed to like it as he barked happily and rubbed at our legs with his fur.

“I’ll be fine, ma vhenan. I will make you an amazing dinner.”

“I can’t wait.” Cullen grinned as he left with the dog for the forest, leaving me to start preparing the soup. I dropped my pack on the bed and pulled off my armor, opting to bath quickly. I then changed into a long lambswool tunic and a thick pair of black slacks while I moved about the cabin barefoot. I hummed a song as I washed, chopped and cooked various vegetables whilst simmering up a lovely, aromatic broth with some spices I kept on hand to liven up any food I ate on the move. (Mmmmm…)

Cullen returned within an hour and it was already sunset. He handed me several portions of ram meat that he managed to secure with the dog’s help. I made sure to wash out any blood and dirt and then marinated the meat with my spices. Cullen looked a bit worried but I assured him that I knew what I was doing.

Once the meat cooked and the soup was prepared; it began to drizzle outside so I shut the door but left the windows open while Cullen lit some candles, I served the food up with some wine Cullen stashed away under a floorboard from Skyhold. Charger was given a leg of ram with marinade while we ate the soup. Cullen was smiling widely as he slurped down the soup and ate the meat.

“This is so good, my love. Thank you.” Cullen kissed my hand as we sat opposite each other. I blushed as he traced my cheek. I cooed into his touch and nodded.

“Oh Cullen…I made it with love for the man I love.”  I kissed his lips and relished in the taste he had as his tongue moved against mine, slowly, tenderly as we kissed for what seemed to be ages until I heard a sound I dreaded: panting.

I turned to my right and let out a gasp inside Cullen’s mouth that made us end the kiss abruptly. Cullen shrugged as Charger wagged his tail and woofed as he settled down in the corner near the window.

“He’s quite the curious one, isn’t he?” I chuckled and Charger woofed as Cullen to rinse the plates clean. The rain started to pour down, so I moved to close the windows. When I turned around, Cullen was laying down on the bed, the plate neatly packed away as he beckoned me seductively with a finger. I approached and lay down beside him, grinning at him as we lay face to face.

“It’s our honeymoon Mr. Lavellan-Rutherford.” Cullen kissed at my neck and I my heart skip a beat as his teeth grazed the skin he always bit down on. (It was so sensitive to touch…it felt electric.)

“I know, Mr. Stanton Rutherford.” I placed a kiss at his scar and smiled as Cullen purred. “I want you to take me.”

“I always take you.” Cullen snickered and looked at me amused. Charger woofed and I flushed when I realized that the dog understood what Cullen said.

“Take me slowly.”

“Slowly?”

“We always are in a hurry. For once I want us to slow down. In here, we are not the Lion and the Wolf. We are simply Cul and Josh: Joined at the hip. No world to save tonight. Tonight we have each other.” I flushed further and Cullen merely smiled at me as he wrapped me in his arms and kissed my forehead.

“We can do that, certainly ma fen.” Cullen grinned as he began to pull off his shirt. I savored every second as he pulled away from me, allowing me to watch as his hardened chest was revealed by candlelight and my breath hitched at the sight of his body. It was beautiful. Cullen guffawed as I traced a few scars over his abs and looked at him with love as my fingers danced over his warm flesh. “Touching me never gets old does it?”

“Never- Especially when a man is as handsome and ripped as you are…I’d touch you all day but then nothing would get done. Luckily, there’s a lot more to you than just beauty, I love who you are completely.” I whispered as I pulled off my tunic and I blushed when Cullen’s eyes moved over my chest. He touched tenderly as he traced lines over my smaller torso.

“I like your body:  graceful, just right…not too big or too small. It’s perfect- just like who you are inside.” Cullen kissed my neck and I let out a small cry.

“T-Thank you.”

“For?” Cullen murmured as he licked at my neck

“Loving me. I am fortunate to have found a life partner in you.”

“As am I.” The lion purred as I helped him to undo his breeches and to slide them down. My hands lingered on his legs, sliding about his thighs. He let out a small growl as my fingers grazed his smalls but I quickly pulled away with a haughty look and began to strip off my own pants as Cullen tossed his pants aside. Once I was down to my smalls, Cullen moved his hands down to my own thighs and kneaded the flesh.

Cullen then moved to remove my underwear. It slid off with ease and I had to stifle a moan as Cullen removed his own smalls and pressed himself slowly to my own cock. We started a slow grind beside each other as Cullen kissed at my neck. My flesh hardened against my ma vhenan and I felt him shudder as we moved, his own need, hard and rubbing fiercely against mine.

“Do you want to stay this way…or…?” I trailed off but Cullen shook his head. He got up from the bed and retrieved a vial of scented oil from the nightstand. He asked me to lay flat on my back as he eased up my legs and poured some lubricant on his fingers.  He moved his hands to my entrance, spreading the lube about. He looked at me with lust in his eyes as his fingers stopped short of my ass.

“Are you comfortable?”

I nodded and let out a hiss as I felt him ease a single finger inside. It was a unpleasant yet warm feeling as his finger moved deeper and deeper, pressing into me, moving and pushing open until suddenly a second finger was added, doubling the sensations as the tips touched and mapped out the tight tunnel of heat and flesh. Cullen looked at me in worry as I moaned out but I assured him that I was ready for the third finger.

A wave of pleasure washed over me as Cullen eased the third digit inside. I felt like I was on the verge of bursting as he touched me in a way that made me quake from the inside out. I grabbed hold of his claw and gave him a glare that he knew all too well and he slowly retracted his fingers. I was left, aching for him to fill the emptiness inside me.

“Cullen…” I managed to mewl as the man in question looked at me with a grin as he released my legs so they could rest.  “I-I need you.”

“I need you too, vhenan.” Cullen kissed my cheek and went to work with his cock, slicking it up with the oils. He then pushed me flat to the bed as he leaned over me, his cock sliding against my entrance as he came face to face to me, smiling as he stilled for a moment and kissed my lips.

“Are you ready, Josh?”

“I am yours Cullen. Please take me.” My husband nodded as he slowly eased his head inside. The feeling was beyond anything I could describe, the best I could compare it to…is like having your soul caressed. Cullen slowly moved his cock against my walls, taking slow thrusts, in then out as he slowly but surely eased more and more of himself inside.

I could feel myself pressing on him as he managed to sink himself completely inside me. It was weird, but in a good way as Cullen gritted his teeth and moved to kiss me, still buried inside me to the hilt, each movement he made with his lips made his cock move slightly against me. He muttered my name as I licked at his scar and he started to slowly pull out.

He pressed me flush to the bed, his chest over mine as he pressed into me again, slowly filling me up and giving me a sense of safety as I wrapped my arms around him. I didn’t want to let him go. It was so wonderful to have him inside me, even without movement- it felt right like he belonged there. I could tell from the look on Cullen’s face that he felt the same was he nibbled on my ear.

“Do you like me inside you?” Cullen smiled as he traced my hairline with his claw. He grinned briefly as he started to pull out again, then he eased himself back inside.

“I do, Cullen.” I gave the former-templar a grin as I kissed his scar. “Do you like being inside me?”

“…My body knows no other home.”

“Oh Cullen…” I managed to grin as ma vhenan bottomed out and hit my prostate. A tingling sensation washed over me from inside out, making me writhe as Cullen stayed firmly hilted inside me and kissed my lips.

It was wondrous to be joined so intimately. The slightest movement incited a fire in me and I could see that Cullen himself was stopping himself from fucking me senseless as he watched me intently. The Red Lion’s eyes shined crimson in the dark. For anyone else, it would invoke fear and horror but for me, it made me want to kiss him all day as I stroked his neck and savored in the feeling his neck stubble had as my fingers grazed over it, slowly moving upward to his scar as he pulled out completely and thrust inside again.

“Whatever created this world must have taken all of it's time to create you, Cullen. You are so perfect my love. I touch you and I cannot believe what I am touching: you’re so handsome and sweet…just right in every way. No matter what happens to us Cullen- I don’t regret this. I am here with you and you make me feel so loved.”

“I think I like slow sex. I didn't know it could make you so...romantic.” Cullen chuckled as he held me fast in his arms. I wrapped my own arms around his toned chest and I was filled with overwhelming heat as Cullen pulled out then pushed into me again, touching my prostate and sending me over the edge with stars blinding my vision.  Heat pooled at my loins and I came on myself and Cullen. My walls contracted around ma vhenan and he roared as he hugged at my chest, lifting me into his arms and pumping into me slowly. “Maker’s breath…you’re so tight! I can’t…do you want me inside when I…?”

“Yes…” I managed as Cullen pulled at my chest and thrust into me, his cock twitched inside me when my walls cracked down on him. I felt wave after wave of elation hit me from the inside as Cullen slowed his pace as he came. The sticky heat filled me with a feeling of warmth as Cullen pulled out of me with a slight ‘pop’ and rolled off of me, settling beside me as I curled up into his form and kissed his scar.

“This was good- Really good.” Cullen panted as he moved to kiss me but stopped when he realized that we both were covered by my seed. He got up from the bed and got some clean towels. “I’ll clean us up first. We have a long week ahead my love. Best we rest while we can so we can make the most of our time alone.”

“With Charger.”

“Yes, with Charger.” Cullen tittered.

The dog barked happily but whined when we both looked over the corner he was in. He had his paws over his eyes and shook his head comically.

“Oh Maker, was he watching us all this time?!”

“I thought he was sleeping!”

“Woof!” Charger nodded and approached the bed once we were clean and under the blankets in our undergarments. He climbed between us and panted happily as Cullen stroked his fur. The dog pawed at my back with a slight whine as I turned to face him and Cullen as the storm outside intensified and turned the night frigid as we huddled together,

“Okay fine. I like you Charger...a lot.”

“Woof!”

“He likes you too.”

 

\---

 

 I was unable to control my dreams that night as the sounds of water engulfed me.

I heard a man speaking but I couldn’t make out the words as I was plunged from grey into a pool of murky green, held down but a powerful hand as I saw three pairs of eyes watching from above the pool as I thrashed about to free myself, the sound of distorted splashes filling my thoughts.

Try as I might to break free, I was unable to get away and my mouth opened as I tried to breathe…Water filled me as I fought back, but I was kept in place and my eyes closed as I was filled with water,

I woke up with a shrill gasp. Cullen immediately looked at me in concern as Charger licked at my face. I explained to him about the dream I had and he sighed as he eased me into his arms, holding me tight to his chest as he kissed my forehead.

“I’m so sorry that you saw that.”

“Why are you sorry?” I pulled away from Cullen briefly and looked into his eyes. He looked right back at me with a sorrowful look in his red eyes. Charger whined slightly, so I turned to him. I was met by a cold hand to my forehead and a remorseful Cole who sighed. (What are you doing- ?)

“Forget.”

My mind blanked out as I wiped at my eyes and felt Cullen pull me back down to the pillows, Charger moved from the bed, panting as he settled down into his corner and I traced my fingers over Cullen’s scar.

“I…think I had a bad dream, Cullen.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“I don’t remember it. I’m sorry if I woke you up.” I kissed Cullen’s cheek as he smiled at me. “Do you know who I am?”

“The love of my life.”

“My name, Cullen...”

“Sorry. It’s…I don’t know.” Ma vhenan gritted his teeth and a tear fell from his eyes. “Darn it! How can I forget your name like this? I’m so…broken.” (You are not!)

“I’m Joshua. I love you Cullen.” I straddled his hips and grinned when he hardened at my touch, making his underpants tent as I kissed his scar and lapped up his tear with my tongue. “I will remind you forever if I have to. You are not broken Cullen. You are my lion and I am your wolf.”

“You are amazing, Josh. Thank you.”

“I love you. It’s that simple, ma vhenan.”


	2. They Will Taunt You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I made a new friend. I'm not quite sure what to make of him...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wrote this chapter while listening to Endless Skyline (Ravnica) from the MTG Duels of the Planeswalkers 2013 OST.

Ashara sat beside me in the dark as we watched the stars, shimmering overhead like gemstones in the distance. She latched onto my arm and wept quietly as I wrapped an arm around her smaller chest and took her stump in my freehand. I kissed it and wiped at the tears flowing down her cheeks and smiled sadly. (Oh sister…)

“I am here for you, sister.” I murmured as I kissed her forehead and she nodded slowly, the sobs dying down as she looked forward into the distance between the bright green trees and the red that painted the sky. “Never doubt that.”

“I know brother. But he is here too but he will never approach. He loves me still and he can’t…” Ashara began to cry again, I rubbed at her back and nodded to her as I looked at the spot that she was looking at- and then I saw him.

Standing in the distance stood a black wolf with eyes that seethed veilfire but looked sadly in our direction as it tilted its head in understanding. Some part of me wanted to reach out and beckon the wolf to approach but I resisted it when I remembered Cullen’s warning:

“He is a misguided friend. Help us to change his mind, but do not allow your empathy to poison your mind. He is a trickster, ma vhenan.”

I shook my head and smiled at the wolf as he padded off, chasing a few demons away as Ashara settled down and kissed my cheek.

“I wish you were here, brother. I am so lonely in that mansion.”

“We have some business to attend to in Orlais with Briala. I will come soon. I promise.” I smiled at her and she nodded meekly. She was a far cry from the fiery girl I grew up with. Once, she was jubilant and feisty, brimming over with life and hope in her cerulean eyes. But now…she’s a shadow of herself and it hurts me to see her broken. (This is not right)

“How is Cullen?”

“He’s fine. I do my best to look after him and Sulahn but some days- it’s a bit much. Sulahn…she’s no fool. She knows that there’s something wrong with Cullen and now…there might be something wrong with me too.”

“Why? What’s wrong?”

“I…need to confide in you, sister.” I managed to speak as my throat ran dry, she looked at me with worry as she traced my cheek with her hand and I massaged her stump with my hands when she turned to me fully and smiled. (Your smile brightens my day, sister)

“Tell me, brother, You can trust me.”

“A-Alright.” I nodded. “Every time I sleep, I have a weird dream before I am able to fadewalk.  I am…plunged into a pool of murky water…or at least- I think it was murky.”

“What do you remember?”

“Three figures watched me was I drowned. The one holding me down in the water was tall and powerful. He spoke but I could not understand him. There was unreadable look in his eyes as he tightening his grip on me. The water would fill me up and then…nothing.” I stammered as the elf beside me looked ahead thoughtfully.

“That is so…sad.” Ashara shook her head in disbelief as she pulled me into a hug. “There is nothing wrong with you Josh. It was a dream.”

“Dreams of dying every night? That’s not normal.”

“I am sorry.” Ashara pulled away from me with a poignant look and smiled sadly

“What for, sister? It is not your-“ A hand was placed on my forehead. It was cold but gentle as my eyes greeted its owner and I saw Cole looking at me, shaking his head with a look of disregard as he stared through me.

 (Hey! Wait-)

“Forget.”

Ashara pulled me back into her arms and hummed a low song as she cradled me. She then eased me from her chest and smiled.

“Do you feel better now?”

“Yes…but…what was I saying?”

“You were talking about coming to visit me in Tevinter with Cullen.”

“Oh yes…” I flushed and gave the elf an apologetic look. “I am so sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me nowadays. I’m so forgetful.” (Ugh, overworking my mind too much)

Ashara tittered as kissed my cheek and pulled me close to her as we lay amongst the flowers and watched the incandescent green sun rise, filling the area with a serene glow.

“Old man.”

“I’m not old! I’m just about twenty three, sister.”

“How old is Cullen then?”

“Thirty three…I think.”

“Oh my word…” My sister giggled worst than Sera and kissed my forehead gingerly as she then broke into a laugh. “Cullen is the old man!”

“He’s not! He once took me seven times in a row!” I beamed but I soon covered my mouth with my hands and flushed deeply when I realized what I had just blabbed to my sister. She looked at me, utterly mortified but her lips twitched as she kept her composure. (Oh no…)

“Oh wow. That is…uh…” Ashara broke into a loud giggle fit that put all of Sera’s to shame as she curled into a ball and held her stomach in sweet agony as I folded my arms and watched her. “Now this I have to tell Dorian…” (This girl- ugh)

“Noooo! Not him! He’ll torment me forever…”

“Exactly!” She grinned as she crept away into the darkness.

I tried to follow her but instead happened upon Cullen, carrying Sulahn in his arms as they wandered into a misty forest filled with the chirping of birds and the songs of cicadas. I was about to call out when I realized that I had made it somehow into Cullen’s dream without even knowing it. I watched eagerly as Cullen effortlessly navigated the twisting, strenuous parts of the forest while I watched from afar.

As I followed, I noticed that the forest went silent at my presence and that at every turn I took, I grew little by little hopelessly lost in the mists of the forest. It was impossible for me to find my way. Cullen and my daughter were long gone. Still, I called out their names in the vain hope that they would find me but even with my dreamer abilities, they did not hear or see me.

“Hello there, Joshua.” A raspy voiced called out from behind me. I turned around gingerly, looking at the dark haired man in disbelief as he stood a few paces away and smiled. “Fancy meeting you here.”

“Are you a demon? Desire coming to me in his form? You have the wrong look about you.” I mocked and I cringed when I saw the demon bare its teeth to reveal a sharp canines.

“I have no desire to tempt you with anything. The others fear you and rightfully so but you are more than Fear or Envy. You are Purpose.” The man smiled and I looked at him in confusion as I took in his grey eyes and flushed slightly. “I find Purpose to be most intriguing.”

“How am I Purpose?”

“It is your soul. It is You in every way.”

“If I am Purpose, what are you?”

 “There is no name for what I was, but I am Ego now. Yes. Ego. Call me Ego.”

“What do you want with me, Ego?” I looked at the demon, making sure to keep my wits about me but it seemed that this demon was more bothered in speech than trying to possess me.

“To keep your mind whole. Tell me- do you remember what happened a moment ago with your sister.”

“I do but some of it is fuzzy, admittedly.” I shrugged. “Get to your point.”

“Think on it friend. You have forgotten a few moments and it has always been after or even during dreaming.” Ego looked at me with concern and I had to hold in a smile when I saw how comparable to Cullen he looked. He wore Cullen’s face perfectly but for a few differences. This “Cullen” was paler than my husband. He was leaner, had raven black hair and grey eyes that cut through me with a haughty glare as I looked at him in awe.

I tried to think about him had said briefly but I was unable to recall any details as to what I forgot.

“Well?”

“I don’t quite understand you Ego. Aren’t you supposed to feed off ego? Why are you trying to convince me that someone is tampering with my memories? Who would do that?”

“Cullen.” The demon slurred and I gritted my teeth upon hearing the name. “And you ask too many question, dreamer. I will not lie to you. Lies are beyond me. I am Ego and I am proud to be helping you.”

“You are lying, demon. Cullen would never do that to me. He loves me.”

“He does.” The demon smiled enigmatically and folded his arms with a wink. “It’s nice to be young and a know-it-all but sometimes you have to listen to your elders.”

“You are no elder.”

The demon let out a short sigh as he disappeared into the mists and a disembodied voice filled the air.

“This is a path he cannot follow. Look behind you. See his shame.”

I turned reluctantly and saw the long path that led to the vestibule of the Temple of Mythal. (Why there?) Then I was suddenly ripped from my dream and the world filled with colors beyond my control as it warped and shaped violently—

 Then there was nothing but silence and a tender kiss.

 

\---

 

I woke up to a hand, gentling stroking my hair as Cullen stirred under me, my chest flush to his as I clung to him but slowly yawned into his form as he leaned down and kissed my hair.

“Good morning, my love.” Cullen smiled- his hair messy as he managed to pull on a roguish smile that made my heart flutter. I kissed his chest and snuggled into his heat as I pulled the blankets over us.

“Good morning, Cullen. My name is Josh. Don’t feel bad. I love you and I will always remind you.”

“…Thank you.” Cullen kissed my hair again. “How was your sleep?”

“I forgot most of the dream, but I’m better now that I’m back in your arms.”

“I see.” Cullen smiled as I looked at Charger and saw that the dog was a sleep. I then looked up into ma vhenan’s leonine eyes and flushed when our eyes met briefly. “What are you thinking, Josh?”

I pulled away from the former templar and settled in his lap as I pushed him against the headboard. He grinned at me lecherously as I kissed his chest and grazed a nipple, then returned to his face and kissed his lips. I moaned as he played with my own nipples with the tips of his fingers as I sent I wave of ice into him and felt his need harden immediately. My hand reached down and massaged at his smalls, groping the straining garment with my fingers.

“You want my sword?”

“I want to play with it…” I let out a small chuckle as I worked his underwear down and moved my fingers over the flesh. My husband let out a guttural moan as he shuddered at my touch, growing harder as my hand enveloped him and began a slow stroke. “You are so warm. I feel like I’m holding fire.”

Cullen hissed as I quickened my pace and intoned a slight cold spell, he looked at me with lust as he started to meet my movements with his hips, pre spilled from his tip, allowing me to coat him in his juices.

“You don’t play with swords, you train with them.” Cullen tittered as he pulled me into his arms and traced my smalls with his claw. I let out a sharp gasp when the blade like appendages ripped them apart and threw the ragged cloth aside while my lover stroked my own need to hardness and then pulled me into a kiss so that our chest were flush to each other and our cocks slid against each other as we moved. “Oh Maker…”

“You shredded my underwear.” I chuckled as Cullen kissed my neck and quickened, his claw kept me in place as his human hand roamed over to my ass and teased there after he reached down to lather up his hand with our pre. He looked at me briefly and I nodded to him as I thrust against his cock.

“Shhh…I’ll replace them later.”

He pushed a single finger into me and I was elated by the feeling of his finger probing me from the inside while his cock slid over mine with such ease. I felt like I was on the verge of a heart attack as he worked me open and added another digit after a few thrusts. Soon, I had three fingers in me and was sputtering cum all over Cullen. (Ah…shit)

“Sorry.” I murmured as he kissed my neck and he smiled as he retracted his fingers and I was left gaping, yearning for him to fill me up.

“Don’t worry. Are you okay for another round? I haven’t…and I don’t want to hurt you…”

“Nonsense.” I beamed as I kissed his lips and relished in his musky smell and his taste. “Take me Cullen.”

“Are you sure?”

“I am, Cullen. I can beg if you want me to-”

“N-No! Don’t beg- I’ll take you.” Cullen stammered as he helped me to settle in his lap. He lathered up his cock as I lifted to my knees. I gritted my teeth as Cullen’s tip was eased inside. I then lifted myself and then slid down further, forcing more of the former templar into the hot tunnel. We repeated the motion with ragged breathes and sharp cries until finally, Cullen was inside me completely. “Hold onto me, my love.”

I obliged, wrapping my thinner, leaner arms around his muscular chest. I delighted in the heat that he radiated inside me as I kept my hands around him snugly. He lifted me slowly and then suddenly pulled me down, my walls pushed against him as I was impaled on his hardness. He let out a stifled moan as he bit his lip. I kissed at his jaw and he chuckled slightly when I shouted out a few profanities when he lifted me and slammed me down, hitting my prostate hard, making me see stars everywhere.

“Oh…Cullen…”

“Yes my l-love?” The lion stopped moving briefly. (No no no don’t stop!)

“Don’t stop!”

The former templar chortled as he started a brutal pace, effectively fucking me faster than I could keep up, but I didn’t mind. He filled me up continuously, pushing and rebuffing my walls as I held on for dear life as he howled in ecstasy.

“Maker’s breath! Josh you are so-…Nh!” Cullen rasped as he came hard, his seed filling me up with a sense of fulfillment as he unloaded wave after wave of cum into me. He was about to pull out but then he looked at me in confusion as I traced his cheek, I could feel that his erection hadn’t died down, not in the slightest.“I’m…still raring to go. Sorry! I’ll…”

Cullen pulled out and I moaned at the loss of his heat and his fullness. I looked at him in concern as he pulled away and began to stroke his cock but before he could do or say anything to stop me, I moved to his hardness and began to kiss at the shaft, pushing his fingers away as I went to work with my own fingers.

“No Cullen- Allow me, please.”

Cullen looked at me incredulously as I kissed his shaft softly and gazed up at him lovingly. I then kissed at his tip and delighted in his taste as I then opened my mouth to take him inside. He groaned loudly as I fondled his balls with my fingers and slid my wet, cold tongue against his need.

“Maker…you’ve become an expert at this.” Cullen smiled as I looked at him and winked as I returned to the task at hand. I pulled away from him, allowing his pre to coat my fingers as I stroked him to a slow tempo, all the while kissing along his length. (He feels so good…)

“I must do everything in my power to ensure that you are happy.” I chuckled as I released his cock and stood up in front of my panting husband, he looked at me in disbelief as I moved away from him and pulled out several ropes from a hidden compartment at the back of the wardrobe. I handed it to him and he looked at me. “Tie me up, Cullen.”

“Tie you up?” Cullen flushed at the idea and I tittered as I pulled him into a kiss and traced his jaw with my tongue. (…This man is so cute in bed)

“Tie me up and take me again.”

“Tie you…up?”

(Ugh…Cullen…)

It took me a few minutes to explain to Cullen what I wanted him to do but soon I was face down on the bed, my hands tied up and kept in his claw, manaless as he gently drained me with my ass up in the air, eagerly awaiting his cock to fill me up.

“Are you alright…like this?” Cullen sounded concerned. I loved that about him, so rough but so loving at the same time. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I’m fine Cullen.”  I said as his dick grazed my entrance. The former templar let out a small gasp when it happened and I giggled as I tried to turn and shifted against my bonds slightly. “Shit…Cul, take me damn you! I can’t wait forever…”

Just then, Cullen pushed into me and I was seeing stars flying about as he slowly filled me up completely, his chest flush to my back as he kissed at my neck and bit down.

“All of this is mine.” Cullen murmured as he licked at various locations: my back, my neck, my spine- it was so magical as he remained hilted and purred against me, sending vibration after vibration through me and making me spill my seed onto the sheets underneath me with a girlish cry.

“I am yours Cullen.”

“You most certainly are.” My lover chuckled as he slowly pulled out and slammed into me, quicker than what I had anticipated. “So beautiful beneath me- I want to take you all day.”

“What’s stopping you, Cul? Fuck me all day then. I won’t deny you- ever.” I smiled into the sheets, moving against the bonds and chuckling at the muffled voice I had.

“When we’re alone- Completely alone, Josh. I will take you over and over. We will come undone by each other and you will take me, at least once. I ache for you to be inside me, ma vhenan.” Cullen whispered as he kissed my neck and I blushed as he spoke about me taking him. I wasn’t any good at it and I preferred Cullen to take me but it seemed that Cullen really liked the idea of me taking him. We would have to explore the idea again when we were alone.

“I l-look forward to doing that.”

“Do you really?”

“I do. If it makes you happy, I’ll do it happily.” I managed a small nod as Cullen pulled out and slammed into me, making me yelp in mid-speech. He laughed as he massaged my back, all the while thrusting into me quickly; his orgasm nearing as his cock swelled up inside me and twitched forcefully. He held me fast with a vice grip as he slammed into me repeatedly, my ears ringing with noise as he roared into my ear.

Several waves of cum sloshed into me as he continued his thrusts, practically shoving himself into me. My walls clenched down on him as he gritted his teeth as more cum spilled into me. I could feel it oozing out of me as the audible sound of his cock slamming into his own spunk echoed out into the cabin, filling it with the musk of sex.

“Cullen…?” I asked worried as he continued. He groaned and released another wave, finally slowing down and kissing my neck, then biting down on the soft flesh as he pulled out and pulled loose the ties of the ropes. I let them fall down to the floor and pulled him into my arms as I turned around and stopped him from collapsing onto the floor. “Easy Cullen, I’m here.”

“Maker’s breath…that was intense.” Cullen looked at me with worry in his eyes as he touched me gingerly and scanned my body briefly with his eyes and fingers. “D-Did I hurt you?”

“No Cullen. It was fine. I was surprised- pleasantly.”

“Oh…good.” Cullen purred as he pulled away and sat up, he unceremoniously yanked me into his lap and kissed my lips as I settled, his cock covering my lower thighs with his seed but I didn’t care. I enveloped him in my arms and smiled as he inhaled my long hair and smiled as he looked into my eyes. “I love you Josh.”

“I love you too, Cullen. You are so handsome as you are right now. I want to be in your arms always. Waking up on your chest is the best way to start my day.”

 “I enjoy having you on my chest. You snore now and then but mostly you’re peaceful.’ Cullen kissed my cheek. I moaned at his touch and cringed when I heard Charger whine from my left. I looked over at him and both Cullen and I chuckled when we saw how the dog mock-gagged and shook his head, looking away as I got off the handsome former-templar and helped him to clean up the mess we made. (Oh Charger…I’m sorry you woke up and saw us going at it…)

“Sorry Charger.” Cullen chuckled.

 

\---

 

“Were you able to quell the unrest in Antiva, Cullen?” I kissed his cheek after we bathed together and I started to prepare a quick meal for the morning. The former templar nodded with a roguish grin as he moved over to Charger and stroked his fur.

“I just made an appearance and reminded them of what you did in Denerim.” Cullen rasped as he began to chuckle. “The Merchant Princes will be more receptive to Florianne now. We have a few things to wrap up over here, and then we can move back to Tevinter in search of Solas. Sulahn will be back in a few days. I really miss her.”

“Oh Cullen…I do too.” I gave the handsome former-commander a slight smile as I turned to him and felt a slight tingling sensation at my ass, leaving the venison and vegetables to stew for a bit. I traced his face with the pads of my fingertips and smiled as he purred against my touch. Charger barked happily as he moved between us and nuzzled us both. “Oh this dog…How can I not like him?”

“Woof!”

“He’s so…cute.” I stroked the mabari’s fur and it panted happily as Cullen pulled away from us and I heard him chortle. He moved over to my back and placed a soft kiss over the reddened, sensitive flesh on my neck that he always loved to bite. “Cute like you, Cullen.”

“You know what’s cute?” Cullen whispered seductively, sending a shiver through me as he licked lightly at my ear.

“What?” I turned to him and saw that he had an ear to ear grin and he was practically buzzing with laughter as he pointed behind him. I saw smoke and fire. (Fire! Oh no…)

“You- burning our breakfast…” My lover giggled as I raced over to the pots. I yelped when I saw that the meat and the vegetables were burnt to a crisp and the cast iron pot was red hot so I had to cool it down with an ice spell and extinguish the fire pit.

“Kaffas!” I cussed as I discarded the burnt food and stood at the window, looking briefly outside at the vegetable garden I had growing in the little yard I made at the back of the cabin. I felt Cullen hug me from behind, his body heat filling me with a sense of safety. He held me close and he kissed at my long braided hair. “I’m so sorry! I wasn’t concentrating and-“

“Josh…relax. Charger and I can go hunting quickly for wild game while you pick out some fresh produce.” Cullen pulled away and turned me around; he placed a kiss on my nose and I chuckled when I felt Charger pawing at my legs.  He woofed a few times and motioned with his paw towards my head. “He wants to hug you.”

“He what now?”

“Just kneel down.” Cullen smiled as he watched eagerly. I kneeled at his behest, somewhat confused but I was taken aback when Charger moved close to me and stood on his hind legs, enveloping me in his front paws, panting and covering my tunic in spittle but I didn’t mind.

“Oh Charger. You’re so sweet.” I smiled as I pulled away from him and rubbed at his ears. The dog barked happily. ‘Thank you. Cullen…for him. He’s such a treasure. He really cares.”

“More likely he’s hungry and you messed up breakfast.”

“So mean.” I stroked the dogs fur again and chuckled when Charger barked in agreement.

“You love me anyways.”

“I do.” I moved over to Cullen with a slight cringe as I felt my ass tense up a bit. I was about to kiss him when I stumbled into his arms and massaged my butt gingerly. It felt like it was on fire. “And…my body’s reminding me how hard you screwed me. Yikes…”

Cullen merely laughed as he asked if I would be alright alone. I nodded and saw him off with a kiss to his lips. I licked along his scar and smiled as I was left to tending the garden and picking out vegetables for breakfast. (Easier said than done!)

After an hour of moving about with dirty covered hands and an ass that burned continuously, making me limp about, I was surprised when Bethany came running with Branson in tow but without Sulahn with them. I looked at them worried as they readjusted their scarves.

“She’s with the newly formed Band of Three, safely resting in the safehouse we set up in the Emerald Graves. Please don’t tell me that you’re walking like that because of brother…” Branson hissed as he shook his head. I slowly ushered them inside and gave the man a dirty look as I recalled Arlene, Belle and Devon working for the Seekers under their new moniker “Band of Three” but secretly ferreting out details for the Lion and the Wolf to exploit. “That’s disturbing, really.”

“It’s perfectly natural…uh…” Bethany chuckled and flushed slightly when her husband gave her a sideways glance. She shook her head comically but almost immediately looked at me in distress. “Josh. There are problems ahead. The Templars, they’re accusing Sulahn of being a blood mage. Of course, they don’t know her name but it’s only a matter of time…” (WHAT?!)

“How?! Why?!” I asked, my voice gave way and I sounded terrified. Cullen’s brother looked at me, stunned at my show of weakness and shook his head.

“Beth died during an ambush. Sulahn used some kind of spell to bring her back. A templar zealot saw it all.”

“Revival spells are common. Granted I didn’t teach her any but…”

“Josh, I was dead. Cold, no soul- no pulse- nothing! Neria told me that revival spells can only work within a brief window after death. This was a good half hour, my friend and there was spirits involved. She spoke- she actual words…about a man with black hair and grey eyes. Could she mean brother?” Bethany pulled off her scarf and pointed to a scar across her throat. Hawke did come to mind but my mind raced to someone else entirely.

…Ego.


	3. No Rest They Could Find

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I was afraid to dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wrote this chapter while listening to Abattoir from the Diablo 3 Reaper of Souls OST.

Cullen and I were unable to sleep during the journey to the Emerald Graves. Bethany and Branson insisted that we rest up and take turns to stand watch at night but I could see that Cullen was too worried to sleep. I was too. My mind throbbed with pain as I closed my eyes in his arms while we watched the perimeter together as Cullen’s animal friends (the bear and owl) and the pair slept peacefully. As much as I tried to fadewalk and ease my daughter’s mind, sleep eluded me. (Dammit!)

The lion stirred behind me and let out a small sigh as he kissed my neck and stroked my shoulder. I turned to him and saw that he was truly terrified for Sulahn.

“I am fearful as well, Cul. I never taught her necromancy. It’s…unnerving.”

“That is…not my concern my love.”

I pulled away from Cullen and looked at him with confusion. He traced my cheek and smiled grimly as he pulled me into a messy hug as he wept.

“What’s wrong?”

“If Sulahn is a fragment of Hope…by reviving the dead, won’t she slowly wither away into nonexistence? Cole told me about Wynne and Evangeline. I am so worried. I don’t want to lose her ma vhenan. Spirit or child, that girl is my- our daughter.” Cullen spoke between wheezes for air. I encircled his larger frame with my arms and smiled inwardly as I affirmed that my husband was a good man and a good father. Ego could never be more wrong about him. He would never hurt me or Sulahn.

“I will do everything in my power to keep her safe Cullen. Never doubt that.”

‘I know, Josh. I love that about you.”

“What do you love about me?” I asked and Cullen flushed slightly as we settled beside each other, his head on my shoulder as I wrapped my arm around his back and kept him close.

“Your devotion to us. You might lie and do questionable things at times but…you really care about us. I don’t d-doubt you Josh. I love you.”

“I love you too, Cullen.” I traced his cheek as I turned to face him and he smirked as I touched his scar.

“You really like my scar.”

“S-Sorry…” I murmured apologetically and pulled my hand away but Cullen shook his head and smiled. He took hold of my hand and eased it over his scar again and flushed deeply as I traced it and closed my eyes as its roughness slid under my fingertips and I grinned as I felt it curl when my lion smiled at my touch. “Touching it is my way of reminding myself that we are for each other.”

“We are.” Cullen grinned as he took hold of the hand that stroked his scar; he brought it to his lips and kissed at the side my palm. I felt my heart flutter as he placed a few more kisses there and then kissed my knuckles. “When I saw you die…I retreated from the world immediately. I could not get over you. You are everything I could ever want in a lover. Sweet, gentle, caring, independent…loving- You are perfection.”

“I am sorry for what I put you though. I-“

“No don’t. It’s the past.” Cullen placed a finger over my lips and smiled as I nodded but something did come to mind as I thought of the past.

“Could I ask you something Cullen?” I gave the spirit warrior a look and he returned it with one of worry. He nodded slowly. I placed a kiss at his neck and smiled as I leaned into his heat. “Does it bother you that I’m a man and not a woman? I know it’s kind of late to ask you this but…I’m curious to know how you feel. I’ve always been attracted to men, sometimes a few women as well but you’re…different.”

My lion looked at me with a look of shame. He flushed deeply and I chuckled as he massaged the back of his neck and averted his eyes briefly. (So cute…)

“W-When we kissed for t-the first time, I was so confused. I d-didn’t regret it but it was…unlike anything I had ever felt for anyone. I’ve looked at women before, Neria knows my love for them firsthand but with you- I don’t know J-Josh. Something inside me stirred from the moment we became f-friends and I knew how I felt once you left with Cole and Sera.”

“That you liked me?”

“T-That I loved you.” Cullen admitted and smiled as I kissed his neck and moved my fingers through his neck stubble. “Admittedly, when you pulled off your stunt at the Temple of Dumat, I needed to have you. I needed to hold you in my arms and keep you safe. I knew what my purpose was then: You.”

“Did sex with a man scare you?” I asked and Cullen let out a curious noise. It was between a stammer and a yelp and it made me chuckle as he nodded and I saw his neck flush as he looked ahead for any signs of danger.

“I was more a-afraid of hurting you than myself.” Cullen rasped and I held in an _‘Aww_ ’ as I kissed his neck and smiled as he placed a small peck on my head as I snuggled into his warm, bulky form. “It didn’t really help that I had no idea what I was doing.”

I gave Cullen an incredulous look and he sighed. (Really Cul? You had _no_ idea? It didn’t feel like that to me)

“Fine. I had _some_ idea. I wasn’t a child. I um…read stories on it.” Cullen flushed even deeper. “Maker’s breath Josh…you make me feel like a boy again- stammering about and blushing like a recruit with a crush on another...”

“You have the same effect on me Cullen; don’t you remember what happened the first night we drank together at the tavern in Haven?”

“You knocked Felissa over along with all the ale she carried. What does that have to do with me?” Cullen asked befuddled as I lifted a dark blonde brow and pulled away from him. I folded my arms and looked at him mockingly.

“When I saw you, I was so engrossed in your handsomeness; I wasn’t looking where I was going, cue the tavern coming to a standstill when I bumped into her and spoiled everyone’s drink orders.”

“Oh…” Cullen chortled as he pulled me into his arms and kissed my cheek. “Well, I’m flattered.”

“You’re always flattered.”

“Of course. I-I mean not like how I was back then. I love you Josh. I don’t see a man or a mage in front of me. I see Josh and I love Josh.”

“And I love you Cullen. Come what may, we will weather whatever storm comes. I will always remind you Cullen.”

“I don’t deserve you.”

“Oh Cullen…neither do I.” I smiled as I claimed his lips. He let out a low groan as I eased a hand under his tunic and stroked the lines of his abs. I relished in his warmth and moaned as I touched the hardened, scarred flesh of his chest. “We have each other. That and Sulahn is enough for me.”

“Woof!” A bark came from behind Cullen and we both ended up laughing.

“And Charger.”

“…And Charger.”

 

\---

 

My heart almost leapt out of my chest when I saw Sulahn rushing us down as we entered the safehouse. Immediately, both Cullen and I knelt down and she ran into our arms. She snuffled as Cullen picked her up and placed her in his arms while I kissed at her cheek, Charger then woofed as he licked at my daughter’s face. She let out a low sound as Charger moved over to Devon and the Knight-Enchanter saluted to the war-hound as the dog nodded to him and his allies, then settled down in front of the fire pit.

 _“Ashalan…”_ I began as the Band of Three looked at us with concern. Belle latched onto Devon while Arlene locked the door behind Branson and Bethany. I heard Jaime shout his father’s name and little feet rushing past us but my sole concern was Sulahn. “Are you alright?”

My daughter nodded as Cullen settled down on a loveseat, I sat down beside him; he placed Sulahn between us and looked at her with a mortified look as he wiped the tears forming in her eyes.

“No Sulahn. Don’t cry- you did nothing wrong. You saved her. You saved Bethany.”

“It was my intention, _babae_. I love my Bethy. I didn’t want her to die!” Sulahn signed frantically as she pointed over to Bethany, she then looked at me and shook her head. “An elf did it to her!”

“An elf?” I asked, baffled by the notion. Cullen looked at me and I shook my head. I turned to Branson who handed Jaime to Bethany and moved over to us while the Band of Three went about their business, “What did this elf look like?”

“A woman with dark hair…Her armor was of Dalish-make. She used daggers and was skilled. An assassin maybe? I think the ambush was for Sulahn, not for us. I don’t think they expected the child to use magic to defend us. They fell back once they saw what she was capable of.” Branson wiped beads of sweat from his brow and smiled as he watched Sulahn nestle between us. “Why would the Dalish want her?”

“After their mass exodus, anything is possible brother-in-law.” I snarled as I kissed at Sulahn’s silvery blonde hair and Cullen tittered when I gave him a naughty look when she started to tug at my braid. (Ugh this child…I love you so much!) “One thing is for sure, this has to do with Solas. I don’t think he intended for Beth to die. I think it was supposed to go cleanly.”

“I think you’re right.” Cullen nodded as Sulahn hugged at my chest. I let out a slight grumble when Cullen laughed at how the child was clinging to me and smiling ear to ear. “Sulahn, be honest with us now. We will not get angry, how did you do it?”

The child perked up and began to sign quickly, almost too quick for me to translate but I was able to do so, needless to say, her explanation left us flabbergasted once I realized what she signed,

“I asked my friend to save her. He did it but said that my time would be shortened. I didn’t care what the shepherd said. I love Bethy, _baeen_ and I’d do the same for you both. _Ar lath ma, ma babaeen_. Please don’t be sad for me. I want her to live. For Bran, for you both-”

“She will.” Branson nodded to her and pointed to Bethany, I saw the force-mage cradling Jaime in her arms lovingly as she kissed at his brow. She was his mother now and it filled my heart with joy to see the boy and the mage so happy with Branson even though the soldier still didn’t approve of my relationship with his brother. “Thank you, Sulahn. You are a hero.”

“A little hero. Our little hero.” Cullen smiled as he placed a kiss on Sulahn’s forehead. I took hold of her dainty hands and kissed them. I then pulled her onto my lap and smiled as she took hold of my braid and kept it tightly in her grasp as Cullen closed the distance and caressed her back as she clung to my chest and braid. Within a few moments, the child was asleep and Belle directed us into a vacant room to watch over her as she slept.

Charger lay beside her as Cullen and I sat at the table near the bed. The lion shot me a look I recognized as he took my hand and shook his head. I nodded to him and confirmed his suspicions. (…Here goes)

“ _El da’len eolasa Falon’Din._ He helped her so it’s clear that The Matchmaker knew him as well…but from what I know of spirits and what she did for Bethany, Sulahn is _Sulahn’nehn_.”

 _“Sulahn’nehn?_ ” The lion looked bamboozled.

“Happiness.”

“ _Happiness?_ ” Cullen looked at the sleeping elf and turned his gaze to me “Do you even get spirits like that in the Fade ma vhenan?”

“Cullen, for every demon there is a spirit who embodies the complete opposite. Spirits of Happiness are like Cole. They only seek to spread joy and happiness in the world. They have no desire to hurt anyone and it is the weakest form of Hope. Fickle but very powerful. Think of her as a candle, she can spread her fire to eternity but a single gust of wind is all it would take to extinguish her light.” (Unfortunately)

“You make it sound as if she might die easily.”

‘She could, Cullen. We will have to deal with the Templars and then we should seek Solas out. I feel that he wants to help her. He would know how to save her from herself.”

“I don’t think we should take that chance, Josh.” Cullen looked at me with horror in his red eyes as he took my hand and held it to his chest and then kissed at my palm. I noticed that the redness of his eyes had dulled down but his eyes still showed no sign of reverting back to the natural white and amber that it originally had. “What if it’s a trick?”

“Why would he try to abduct her if not to save her, my love? Solas is a man who never does anything without reason. I believe that he knew what she was all along and that he can save her. Please Cullen…”

“No. _Ar banalasa._ ”

“Please. She is our daughter. I don’t want to watch her wither away.”

“…Let me sleep on it, ma fen.”

_“Ma serranas, emma nas’falon.”_

“Don’t thank me yet. I don’t like this at all.”

“Do you think I like the idea of watching my daughter die in front of me Cullen?” I glared at the man I loved and he gritted his teeth when I pulled my hand away from him. “I am terrified _vherain_.”

“I know.” Cullen moved from his seat to envelope me in his arms, but I pulled away from him. “Josh…”

“You don’t trust me, do you?”

The former templar looked at me with concern as he moved closer to me and grabbed hold of my arms. He kept me fast in his vice grip and I didn’t even try to pull out of his grasp at that moment. He was stronger than me, much stronger.

“I do.”

“I don’t trust myself, Cullen.” I shrugged and leaned forward so my head rested on his shoulder. The tears fell without effort and I felt Cullen’s grip ease as he wrapped his arms around me and kissed at my hairline. “I don’t remember some days. There’s something wrong with me, Cullen. I am so afraid. First you, then me and now Sulahn…and that god-forsaken dream- Water everywhere and a man who holds me down, waiting for me to die. Who would be so cruel? He terrifies me…”

“ _Vhenan…_ ”

“I don’t know what to do anymore. I will always remind you but what happens if I forget myself? And Sulahn…she needs us whole. She knows that there’s something wrong with me.”

Cullen merely nodded and kissed my hand. I then felt a cold hand on my forehead. I turned to my right and there stood Compassion. (Cole?)

“Forget.”

I wiped at my brow and shook my head in confusion as Cullen chuckled slightly and kissed my hand.

“Cullen…”

“Yes, my love?” The lion looked at me with a sad look as he held my hands with his human hand and ran his claw over my hairline. I grasped his claw and eased it at my hip.

“Hold me, please. I am so afraid.”

“Do you even need to ask?” Cullen chortled as he pulled me into his arms and I settled down at the foot of the bed in his lap as I snuggled into his warmth. He wrapped me in his muscular arms and I let out a content sigh as my ear settled over his heart and I eased a hand under his shirt to massage the rock hard abs he had. “Admit it Josh, if you could…you’d cling to my chest all day.”

“I would.” I shrugged. “When a man is as handsome as you, Cullen…I can’t help but seek out your touch.”

I heard the spirit warrior giggle as he lifted me so my face as in line with his. He placed a kiss on my cheek and I closed my eyes as his lips met my flesh and my skin felt like it was on fire.

“It has been so long and it feels like yesterday that I kissed you on the battlements.”

“I know the feeling Cullen.” I flushed as I took hold of his claw and kissed at the darkened, dormant shards that formed the massive claw that my love wielded in combat. I then eased it under my shirt and let out a small murmur as Cullen ran a sharp appendage over my soft flesh. I trusted him not to hurt me as he began to roam my chest. “Does the Red bother you?”

“It hurts. At least it isn’t spreading.”

“True, but does the claw hurt as well?”

“It does but touching you makes the pain bearable.” Cullen smiled as he stroked at my chest and managed to coax a low moan out from me when his claw grazed my nipples. “It’s weird. Once I could never have fallen for a man but here I am, your husband touching your chest and loving what I feel.”

“Oh Cullen.”

“I love how you say my name Joshua and I love how you take care of Sulahn. You are a good father.”

“You are a good father as well, the best kind.” Cullen flushed as I spoke and he stammered.

“R-Really?”

“Really.”

Cullen didn’t speak, instead he pulled me into a slow kiss as his tongue traced my own and we danced our tongues about for a moment to the sound of our heartbeats. We soon surfaced for air, breathless and nuzzling each other lovingly. (Cullen…you are so gentle and warm and kind…I love you)

“I’d like to settle down once all this is over.”

The question was unexpected and made me move suddenly, I bumped my head with Cullen’s and he flushed as we pulled away from each other, a sheepish grin as he moved to kiss my forehead.

“Sorry…” I muttered as I smiled at him and nodded, all the while rubbing at my throbbing head. “Where do you have in mind?”

“Honnleath. Mia is there with Jim and I grew up in that town- but I’d like to know where you’d want to settle down. Maybe we could find a middle ground.” Cullen kissed my cheek and purred. “No cabins or tents. A house. Permanent.”

“I…” I thought about it for a while and I took his claw in my hand. I stroked the hard ridges of it and kissed his deformed palm. “I’m happy at your side Cullen, so Honnleath.”

“You don’t want to live near Ostwick?”

“What for?” I asked with a curious look.

“For Maxwell? Or Callum? Au-”

“I have you, Cullen. I am happy at your side.”

“But still…”

“No Cullen.” I shook my head as I moved to Cullen’s scar; he smiled as I licked at it. “Honnleath. You are _home_ to me.”

“Honnleath then.” The lion smiled as I pulled him into a kiss.

 

\---

 

 For several nights in a row, I was unable to fadewalk and ended up inside the forest where I met Ego. He taunted me with his mismatched form but instead of the grey eyes I became accustomed to, I saw brown instead and they were so much like Cullen’s.

He would follow Cullen and Sulahn into the deepest reaches of the woods and grinned as I tried as hard as I could to follow, but I was unable to keep up. After several hours of wandering around in despair, he came to me and shot me a wicked smile as he thumbed my bracelet. I was too tired to stop him from inspecting it.

“Such a pretty bauble.” Ego looked at me in derision and nodded to himself. “You must really love him to bind yourself to him- to your traitor.”

“He is no traitor. He loves me.”

“I don’t doubt his love for you.” Ego released the bracelet and whispered into my ear as he caressed my neck with a cold finger. His touch was oddly familiar. “Tell me then Purpose, why are you here, trespassing where you are not welcome?”

“Why am I here? Why are you here?” I asked. The demon chuckled to himself and pointed to the multicolored sky above.

“To warn you about the fire, trespasser.”

“The fire?” I raised a brow and Ego pointed behind me. I turned and yelped when I saw a wildfire approaching rapidly as my legs buckled as I turned to run. I felt Ego lift me to my feet and he chuckled as he left me to run frantically while he disappeared into a haze of smoke and dust. (Wait!)

I felt a few licks of flame lash at me as I ran, screaming as my coat caught ablaze. I tossed it aside and managed to dodge a flaming tree that fell down in my path. I looked about as I ran and gasped when I saw that the forest was engulfed in flames. (What the-)

“He is trying to remember.” I heard Cole speak and there was another voice with his, rough and uncaring as more flames appeared and I saw the Temple of Mythal in the distance with Ego standing at its doors. “Forget.”

More fire appeared as I ran. I felt my body surge with pain and the smell of flesh burning engulfed me. Ego reached out to me, his eyes filled with worry as a tree collapsed down on my back making me cry out as bones crushed audibly. He approached, the fires ignoring him as he touched my hand and smiled as my eyes closed on their own.

“Purpose…You have no power even in your own mind. You submitted to Him a long time ago.”

 _“Here lies the abyss, the well of all souls. From these emerald waters doth life begin anew.”_ I heard a new voice speak, the very same voice that was with Cole’s: the cruel one.

My eyes opened and I shrieked in horror as I gazed into red, bloodshot eyes that terrified me as I was wretched into a pool of ice cold water, hands that defied mortal strength pinned me down in the water as I choked and flailed about. The eyes bore into my mind and it was soon all that I saw. Eyes of hatred and spite, fixed on me and only me. (No- don’t…please!)

“Forget.”

I woke up screaming. Cullen enveloped me in his arms as I cried, unable to recall why I was so frightened. His claw traced my cheek as he pulled away from me and frowned as he nodded to Charger who returned to Sulahn’s side, not without whimpering sadly. My daughter looked at me wordlessly and returned to sleep with Charger as my lion brushed long locks from my eyes and wiped my tears.

“Do you want to talk about it-“

“Hold me please!” I begged as I huddled against Cullen and wrapped my arms around his chest. Cullen looked at me with sadness in his crimson eyes as he pulled me snug to his body and kissed my cheek as I was engulfed by his warmth.

“Are you alright?”

“N-No.” I shook my head. “I am scared Cullen! Please keep me safe! Please!”

“Of course, _ma_ _vhenan_.”

 


	4. A Night without Moon or Stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't want to remember the dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wrote this chapter while listening to Mirage by Armin Van Buuren.

Divine Victoria knew what was good for her and agreed to meet with the Lion and the Wolf at my behest. When we arrived in Val Royeaux, the people clamored as we walked the streets and made our way to the Grand Cathedral. Cullen and I made sure to hand a few bags of “ _recovered_ ” gold to the destitute as we walked by. The rich made no effort to object lest they end up dead and pinned to the walls with an icicle through their chest or neck.

 

_“Can we bring to fall the giants?!”_

We heard the crowd break into song and stomps of their feet. They saluted as we passed them by. With my hood and Cullen’s helmet, it was impossible to see our faces completely, but I could see that my Lion was pumped up by hearing the crowd chanting our maxim loud enough for people outside of the city to hear. Cullen looked at me and nodded as he allowed me to walk first into the Cathedral.

My eyes adjusted from the brightly colored streets to the more somber and neutral stones and reds of the Grand Cathedral. Several Sisters and Mothers eyed us with outright fear as I walked ahead of my lion, my steps smaller and quicker than Cullen’s proud, powerful strides. I chuckled inwardly as I heard a priest whisper that the Lion and the Wolf were quite fetching and that she wouldn’t mind being with the both of us at once. (Keep dreaming.)

We approached a rather ornate throne, affixed with the Chantry Sunburst and lined with the finest silks and golden threading. Leliana smiled as we stopped short of the throne and nodded to her. She stood up from her seat and extended her arms, several templars that stood at her side cringed as she approached me to hug my chest.

“The Wolf, it has been too long.” She purred as she enfolded me in her thin arms. I knew of her trickery and chuckled as she tried to pull away when my hand stopped her but the Lion kept her hands fast as I pulled the dart out of her sleeve and wagged my finger as Cullen pushed her back to the throne. I tossed the dart to the ground and chuckled as I smashed it apart with my boot.

“Divine Victoria…Is that how you greet a friend?” Cullen spoke in a clear and valorous voice that made several priests swoon as he addressed the Divine.

“We are not friends.”

“Indeed we are not, a shame but ultimately irrelevant- to the point then, bitch.” I pointed to the templars; Ser Barris and his knights glared at me as I then pointed to Leliana who scoffed to herself. “Call off your hounds. You have but one warning.”

“She _is_ your daughter then?” The Divine grinned but I giggled as her grin fell away and was replaced by horror as Cullen approached her and stared her down with a growl. A templar moved to strike him; the fool was promptly disarmed and killed with his very own blade. Many clerics screamed out of fear, some looked on without speaking as I placed a hand on Cullen’s shoulder and smirked at the bitch in white and red.

“She is _our_ daughter.” I corrected her and placed a small kiss on Cullen’s helmet. The room erupted in squeals and many, many shouts of mystification amongst the servants and clergy. “You have been found guilty of declaring war with us. What say you, bitch?”

“ _I_ have been found guilty? By what authority?!” Leliana looked at me bamboozled and breathed smoke from her flaring nostrils.

“By our authority.” Cullen smiled as he turned to the clerics and addressed them and made sure he spoke loud enough that the people on the outside of the Cathedral heard him. “We own Ferelden and we own Orlais. You remain on your pretty throne because we allow you to but now you are irritating the hell out of us and thus: you will bend or you will break, the choice is yours.”

“I will not-“

“Calm down, Most Holy.” I heard a voice echo from the entrance. Harding appeared with Cassandra in tow. I nodded to them and allowed them to stand beside their Divine. Harding gasped when she saw the crushed dart on the floor and then gave us a resolute look after a brief whisper in Leliana’s ear while Cassandra glared at me as she briefly took in the dead body of the templar. “Let us speak with the Divine in private, please.”

“Such manners! Alright- do what you must, but know this: if any harm comes to our daughter from the Chantry, I will kill Divine Victoria and reanimate her as the Nevarran death mages do in their necropolis and I will kill her again and again until I am satisfied that she has suffered enough, do I make myself clear?”

“What good would trapping a wisp in my corpse do if I’m dead?” Oh…what a smartass.

Cullen chuckled slightly as I shook my head. I waved my hand and the dead templar rose again, he looked at me bewildered as I healed him and pointed to Leliana as the Cathedral filled with gasps of horror as a priest inspected the once dead man and confirmed that he was alive and well.

“You know not who you toy with. I am the Wolf. I command the forces of life and death- and you will bend to my will.” Cullen then grinned as he spoke.

“I am the Lion. I command the hearts of Man and inspire with action- and you will break to my roar.” We then both tittered as we spoke at once in the same tone and breath.

“Bend or break- it matters not. You WILL obey us either way. We are the Lion and the Wolf and you…are our prey.”

 

\---

 

Needless to say, Leliana bent to my will as Val Royeaux erupted in our song. As we left the city, I made sure intone doubt so that her spies would never be able trail us to our next destination. Sulahn and the others were back in Tevinter so it was only a matter of meeting up with Briala and discussing the plan of action to ensure that the elves were treated well in Orlais. Briala (and a few of her allies) may be nobility but the others needed protection and the Lion and the Wolf could provide that.

Cullen left me in the mansion with Briala as one of her servants offered me a chalice of wine. I took it eagerly and smelled the intense scent it had as Briala directed me to a tray filled with lovely cakes and sweet meats. I smiled and moved over to it, all the while calling upon my power over water to drain the Deathroot from my wine. I kept some of the drained dust in my free hand as I picked out a croissant topped with icing. I used an alchemy trick to poison the honey cake on the tray as I returned to my seat; Briala was none the wiser to my machinations.

She took a slice of honey cake (I knew she loved those) and smiled as I downed the wine in a single gulp. I then tore into the delicious pastry. It went down nicely but Briala looked at me confused as she sipped at her wine and ate of her honey cake.

“I removed your poison and placed it in the honey cake.” I chuckled as the elf looked at me in horror. She immediately moved to apologize, I flicked my wrist and opened my left hand and there stood the Deathroot powder, I threw it to the ground and glowered at the bewildered elf. “Please, if you wish me dead…put more effort in.”

“Ir abelas, fen.”

“Tel’abelas.” I smiled as I left the room and cloaked to leave the mansion, she cried out for me but I didn’t bother. She knew she fucked up badly and that soon my agents would be paying her a visit to exact vengeance, the question however was when. I would decide that soon.

I returned to the safehouse just outside of Val Royeaux and had dinner with Cullen. We shared many kisses that night and he grinned at me as we recounted the sheer number of times someone tried to kill us. It was endearing to know how much some people wished to be free of our influence but in their heart of hearts, they knew we were watching, eagerly for them to fuck it up and ready to admonish them for their stupidity.

Once dinner was over, Cullen and I cleaned up what dishes we made and we ended up shaving each other. It was lovely to get a chance to groom my lion. I made sure to keep his beard intact but to keep it dapper and pleasing to the eye as well. Cullen made sure to do the same but ended up messing up my beard when he kissed my cheek and nicked my neck in a moment of passion, so I asked him to shave it off completely. I didn’t mind. Cullen liked it when my beard was shaven so it was a win-win.

Once we retired for a night of love making, Cullen looked at me in submission as he stroked my body and made my cock harden at his mere touch. I let out a shrill noise as Cullen lay flat on his chest and allowed me to work his ass open with some oils he kept on hand.

At first, I managed to ease a finger inside and a second but it took me quite a while to work up the courage to place a third digit in his tunnel. Cullen moaned in ecstasy as I stroked him from the inside and he nodded readily with a smile.

“Take me.” Cullen nodded to me again and I let out a deep breath as I coated my member in his oils. I settled above his ass and pressed my tip inside. The warmth he had engulfed me and made me cry out in pain as his ass wringed my cock as I bottomed out.

It had been so long since I had taken him and I began to doubt myself. I tried to move but my body froze up in anxiety and fear. Rapidly, I grew soft and pulled out with a whimper. (I’m sorry!)

“No no no…” Cullen growled as he leapt up from the bed and grabbed at my chest, his eyes seethed as he threw me down on the ground and straddled me. I felt his cock at my entrance, prodding at it as he looked at me lecherously. “ _This_ is how you fuck.” (What are you doing-)

I screamed as his cock was forced inside of me, my head spinning in disbelief as Cullen began to fuck me brutally. With each thrust, I cried out in pain as my insides pushed against him.

“Cullen you’re hurting me!”

“Pain is part of sex, bitch. Get used to it.” (Bitch?) Cullen murmured as he tightened his hold on my body and I felt his claw begin to cut into my arm and shoulder while he pressed his head to my neck and bit down. I felt my mana drain rapidly as I tried to call up ice or to fade cloak but it was too late. Cullen roared in my ear as he came but he continued to thrust into me. My ass clenched with pain as he continued to pound into me relentlessly, my cock remained flaccid as his cock pushed into me at a pace I would not meet.

“AAH! Cullen please!” I screamed but Cullen merely shook his head as he quickened his pace further. I saw that I was bleeding from my shoulder where his claw settled and I screeched as he pushed into me even quicker than before. “I can’t…please stop Cullen!”

“You can’t fuck at all. Why should I stop, mage? I am giving you what you deserve.”

“W-What I deserve?!”

“Yes, my bitch. You deserve nothing more than my cock ravaging you- And who the fuck is Cullen?” I cringed when he said it and I realized that he forgot who he was in that moment. He stopped moving for a moment, completely hilted inside me. I tried to move but was unable to because Cullen held me tightly in place with his hands and his weight kept me down as he remained sheathed inside me. The lion’s claw roamed my chest and pain surged my body all over as the claw moved without any regard. “You are my mage. I asked you to fuck me. You can’t even do that- you filthy mage! All you can do is take cock up your ass! Take it then slut!”

“No- please…don’t- Gah!”

Cullen then started to fuck me even harder, his claw cut into my thighs as he repositioned me in his grasp as he held my ass in his lap. His claw grasped my ass and I felt my heart tremble in fear as he began to pull out completely, only to jam his cock inside me along with a long talon of his claw. Then I felt it and cried out as flesh ripped and Cullen came again, his eyes blindingly red as it was all I could see and he reminded me of the man who drowned me.

“I’ll fuck you over and over bitch- You are mine bitch! _MINE!_ ” (No…please don’t hurt me…)

I fainted in shock and woke up to a frantic Cullen who had me in the bathtub, washing me and treating my wounds. I screamed and darted out off the tub, naked, wet and still bleeding as I collapsed on the tiled floor. Cullen ran after me shouting apologies. I curled up into a corner and wept. He touched me but I pulled away from his grasp.

“Don’t touch…me.”

“I’m so sorry, please forgive me!” I shook my head as I covered my ears and wept. Cullen wrapped his hands around me and wept as well but I pulled away from him and cried out as I crawled away. I then noticed that I was leaving behind a trail of blood as I crept away from the lion. “Please my love…”

“Stay away from me!” I bawled as I curled up into a ball again and shivered against the cold floor. I heard Cullen let out a sad whine as he pulled away and covered his eyes in disbelief. His tears fell as I raced past him and moved to see myself in the mirror. I did not look good.

Most of my body was covered in cuts, most already scarred and I had a deep gash across my stomach. I intoned a healing spell to stop the bleeding but the damage was done as I felt my body surge with pain. Cullen moved behind me with a sorrowful look in the mirror, he placed his hand on my shoulder. I immediately pulled away and hissed as he pulled me close. I tried to break free but he was too strong as I collapsed to the ground with him on top of me.

“I’m sorry!”

“No!  Please…don’t hurt me.” I cried as I averted my eyes and tried to pull away. It only spurred on Cullen to grab hold of my chest and ease it to his own. I wept as he kept me close, his claw roamed my hair and slowly stroked in a calming fashion as I cried. “Please let me go. I’ll do whatever you want Cullen! Don’t hurt me!”

“I d-don’t want anything but your forgiveness- Maker I hurt you…I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!”

“Don’t hurt me…” I begged as Cullen held me close, his tears flowed and fell down onto my skin as I shivered from the cold. “I don’t want to take you! Please! Take me instead then let me go! I’m scared!”

“I’m sorry-”

Cullen pulled away from me and I heard him sob as he wiped at my tears. I focused on his chest and didn’t look into his eyes.

“Please look at me vhenan. I cannot live without looking into your eyes.”

I shook my head and looked directly in his eyes and I realized then that I saw that look before. It wasn’t hatred. It was soul-crushing sadness.

“Your eyes- I saw them at the Well. It was _you_. You killed me.” Cullen looked stunned when I put two and two together. “You lied to me! You killed…me! I am worse than the Tranquil! I am such a fool! _You_ did this to me-“

“Forget.” A hand eased over my forehead. In that moment, I blanked out completely. I looked at Cullen for a moment as the hand disappeared and the lion eyed me sadly as I flushed and looked at him dumbstruck.

“W-What was I saying?”

“You were reminding me.” Cullen whispered as he kissed my hand. I felt like I had a sudden epiphany and hugged at his chest.

“I-I love you Cullen. I am Joshua and I will never stop loving you.”

“I love you too…Josh.” Cullen murmured but his grin faltered as I cried out when I tried to stand up. Pain filled me to the brim as Cullen kept me steady in his powerful arms. I looked over at my reflection and gasped when I saw all the scars and bruises I had. My lion looked at me in despair as he kissed my cheek and wept.

“I did this to you. I am sorry my love, please-“

“I forgive you, Cullen.”

“…Truly? But I hurt you.” My lover looked at me in astonishment. I caressed his cheek and chuckled as he placed kisses feverishly on my neck. He nuzzled my neck and I gasped when I felt his beard graze the tender flesh of my neck.

“In a moment of madness no doubt, you would never hurt me.” I smiled at Cullen and he returned it but somewhat halfheartedly as I touched his chest and relished in the feeling of his hardened flesh against my fingers as I mapped out the curves of his abs. I managed to get a deep sigh from the former-templar. “Oh Cullen…it’s alright. Really. I forgive you.”’

“I don’t deserve you.” Cullen whispered as he reached for a towel and dried me off. He then tossed it aside with a glum look in his red eyes.

“Hold me close.” I whispered as I pulled Cullen over to the bed and grinned as he settled behind me. His cock brushed against my entrance and I felt a tinge of pain rip through me with a small moan. Cullen touched my shoulder in worry but I nodded to him as I took hold of his claw holding me flush to his hard body and smiled. “When I am afraid, I hold you. I feel safe knowing that I am in your arms. You would never hurt me Cullen.”

Cullen remained silent as he stroked the muscles on my back. He then kissed my spine and raked his beard across the flesh there in a series of kisses. Pain pulsed through me occasionally but it was no bother. I was in Cullen’s arms and that was enough for me.

“The night can lose the moon and stars. It can be complete darkness in this world and I would still feel safe if I were in your arms. I love you Cullen. Don’t let go of me, please.”

“I…won’t.” My lover hissed as he gritted his teeth in what seemed to be pain.

“Are you alright Cullen?”

“I’m just a little rattled.

“Will you be okay?”

“I am now that you’re in my arms.”

“Oh Cullen…”

We remained as we were: naked and tangled limbs between the silken sheets of the bed. Cullen would kiss at my neck and earlobes from time to time, I would moan from the sensation and Cullen would chuckle.

“Sing me a song.” I smiled as Cullen licked at my spine. The lion stopped in mid movement and I heard him let out a confused noise, so I enlightened him as to what I required of him. “I want to hear you sing Cullen. You have an amazing voice and I would be remiss not to ask you to bless me with such a majestic sound.”

Cullen kissed my neck and I felt his chest rest flush to my back. He then eased his head on my shoulder, his beard tickled my skin and made me chuckle but it dissipated once Cullen began to sing. My heart quivered as his voice plucked at the strings that kept my heart intact and I overflowed with love…for my lion. (Oh my word…)

 

\---

_I feel the sun_

_Through the ashes in the sky._

_Where’s the one_

_Who’ll guide into the night?_

\---

 

 

Oh hell. That voice. That raspy, oh so charming voice…I turned around and Cullen laughed as I straddled his hips and pushed him flat to the bed. I settled with my chest against his as we lay on the bed, my heart racing as he sang on in heavenly melody.

 

\---

_What’s begun_

_Is the war that will_

_Force this divide._

_What’s to come_

_Is fire and the end of time_.

\---

 

Cullen smiled as I traced his abs with my fingers and watched intently as his mouth moved in song.

 

\---

_I am the one_

_Who can recount_

_What we’ve lost_

_I am the one_

_Who will live on._

\---

 

My lion then looked at me and grimaced as he ran a finger over the recent scar over my stomach. I hissed at the sudden contact but made no effort to remove his hand; instead, I eased my hands over his and blushed as I looked into his red eyes.

 

\---

_I have run_

_Through the fields_

_Of pain and sighs._

_I have fought_

_To see the other side._

_I am the one_

_Who can recount_

_What we’ve lost._

_I am the one_

_Who will live on._

\---

 

“Thank you, ma vherain.”

“Is my voice to your liking, fen?” Cullen purred as he kissed at the scar across my stomach. I moan as his tongue traced the newly healed flesh and nodded to him.

“With a voice like that, I become undone. You are by far the most handsome and valorous man I know. I’m honored to be yours.”

“ _Ar lath ma_ , Josh.” Cullen claimed my lips and so I ended up clinging tightly to Cullen as sleep greeted me with kisses of sloth and comfort in the lion of my heart’s arms.

 

\---

 

“Keep running!” Ego screamed as I trailed after him. Several cloaked figures in white were after us, Tevinter agents of the Venatori Remnants that didn’t defect with Calpernia. An arrow zipped over my shoulder and struck a near tree. I turned my heel and conjured up a storm of shards. The archer shouted in horror as he was engulfed by the ice storm and his flesh ripped apart by the whirling blades of ice and sleet. Another arrow was loosed from my right, I moved too slow to dodge but Ego deflected it with his sword and rushed down the archer in a sick speed that defied all reason. “To the temple- we’ll be safe there!”

“I don’t know the way!”

“I don’t either and yet I found it every night!’ Ego cussed as he deflected another arrow and helped me to move. I cast a haste spell on us as we rushed through the Arbor Wilds. I soon ran out of mana and cried out as I leaned against a tree in fatigue. “Hide! They are coming- I can manage!”

“I won’t leave you to die!”

“Death? I don’t fear death.” The demon chuckled and it was then that I realized that his normally dark black hair was now dark blonde, nearing Cullen’s golden mane. He looked at me with a fire in his eyes as I hid behind the tree and cut my hand with a spare dagger I kept. Doubt filled me as I melted into the shadows and watched as Ego made short work of the assassins sent to kill me.

More came and I was determined not to allow Ego to fall to any harm. I cast my mana arrow and watched as several assassins crashed down to the ground in heaps of corpses as the arrows ripped through them like a needle through cloth. Ego then turned to me and growled as he approached, he pinned me to the tree I hid behind as my cloak remained intact. (He…can see me?!)

“Sulevin! I fucking told you to run! RUN!”

“No! I can’t leave you!” I cried but Ego scrunched his nose. He then moved quickly, his fist hit me squarely on my jaw. Pain rushed through me as I fell backward and looked at the demon in disbelief. “Why are you hurting me?”

“I am a demon, am I not?” Ego bared his teeth and revealed his sharp canines. He then pointed behind me as I heard the sound of more assassins approaching and arrows being loosed as they soon struck the ground or flew overhead. “Your lion hurts you but you never question. You love so completely and so innocently…I envy your faith in him.”

“You…envy me?”

Ego merely grinned as he deflected an arrow and cleaved off the head of an assassin that darted around the tree.

“Next time we meet. I will teach you to partition.”

“Partition?!” I yelped as he pushed me away. “I don’t understand!”

“You don’t need to fucking understand! Run you idiotic fool! Get to the temple!”

I ran with fear clouding my mind, my body crouched down to avoid any stray arrows. Ego cried out as I heard his blade slice through flesh, but soon sound died out as I ran for what seemed to be hours. All was silence as I approached the temple. It was radiant compared to the forest I emerged from and I let out a sigh of contentment as I collapsed backward in exhaustion.

My vision and hearing faded in and out as I heard someone approach from the temple. A hand eased behind my back as lips met my cheek. I forced my eyes open as my ears stopped hearing completely and I saw Cullen hugging at my chest. He kept saying something as he pulled away from my face and shook me. I tried to read his lips but I was too tired to understand so I closed my eyes.

I then felt his hand over my cheek, slapping hard as my eyes bolted open. Raindrops made his Lion armor glisten and his eyes were teary as he cupped my cheek and straightened my Wolf hood as the storm intensified.

“Maker’s breath! You’re fine…I-“ Cullen stammered as he hugged my chest and lifted me to sit in his arms. My eyes closed as his warmth engulfed me. “I was so worried.”

“Rutherford?!” I heard Samson speak from behind me, I felt Cullen perk up at the former-templar as Samson placed a hand on my shoulder and then I felt a hot, stinky tongue on my cheek and the sound of angry panting as Charger nuzzled my face. (Oh Charger…) “What you doing in Tevinter? You’re a week early!” (T-Tevinter?)

“We’re in Tevinter?!” I asked and Cullen nodded solemnly. I turned to look around but Cullen stopped me with a worried glance.

“Don’t freak out when you see it. Stay calm, my love…” Cullen murmured as he pulled me into a hug and allowed me to look over his shoulder. Once my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I screamed in horror as I saw countless bodies of assassins littered around us in a tight circle, the smell of blood and gore hit me and I latched onto Cullen with a pathetic yelp. He pulled me into his lap and kissed my cheek as I buried my face in his hair as my tears fell. “I’m here, vhenan.”

“It wasn’t a dream! It wasn’t a dream…oh my-”

“You dreamed of this?” Cullen pulled away and gave me a concerned look. I nodded to him and I saw him winch slightly as he wiped my tears. “Josh…”

Charger whined as he pawed at my back and then Samson spoke, his hand was still on my shoulder as Cullen pulled me into another hug.

“The Inquisitor is gone. She’s…on her way to Vol Dorma to the northwest. She can’t be reasoned with.”


	5. The Scars of Escaped Slaves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I remembered everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wrote this chapter while listening to Kiss the Sky by Shawn Lee's Ping Pong Orchestra. The song Josh sings is Miles Away by Madonna.

“Vishante…kaffas-” Calpernia began as we settled down in her safehouse within Vol Dorma, a small soundproof room hidden within a tavern from the prying eyes of the Venatori and the Agents of Fen’Harel. She gave me a worried look as Cullen wrapped his arm around me and kept me close to his chest. “You can dreamwalk now?!”

I nodded slightly and Cullen kissed my forehead as Samson handed me a warm cup of cocoa. He offered my husband one too but he was too distraught to take it. He instead intensified his grip on me and whispered near-silent assurances into my ear. I flushed as I took in his words. It meant the world to me that he would keep me safe from harm, even from myself. (…I love you Cullen)

“This is bad.” Samson ran a hand through his raven black hair and I had to stop myself from staring. The former addict was very handsome since the dark bags and red marks disappeared after he joined us. He had short, jagged hair that gave him a youthful look as his cheeks and chin as framed with stubble that accentuated his ruggedness. “I-I don’t know how we should handle this.”

“I will approach Archon Radonis with Alexius and Dorian to secure his immediate…allegiance.” Florianne gave us a small grin as she clasped a Lifeward amulet that Dagna made to her neck, she then pointed to a ring and earrings she had on as she moved over to me and Cullen then touched our cheeks with her snow white hands. It was warm to the touch and for once, I understood why Cullen hired her. She is loyal to power. We offered her power beyond imagining. “Word must have reached the Archon that we are at his doorstep since your actions in Ferelden and Orlais caused quite a stir. I have some artifacts on my person to keep us safe. Focus on finding the Inquisitor.”

“Wait.” I pulled away from Cullen and moved over to the fire pit and set down the hot cocoa. I pulled out a lyrium potion from my travel bag and placed it along side some lifestones I fished out. The advisors (except Calpernia) looked at me in bamboozlement as Cullen moved to my side and nodded. I then opened the lyrium potion. “You will need this.”

Florianne watched in amazement as I extracted the lyrium from the potion with a wave of my hand, Caplernia then handed me a mortar and pestle when she realized what I was doing. Cullen let out a slight hiss was I pulled out my dagger and cut into my palm. Blood trickled down into the bowl over the lyrium dust and I chuckled when the advisor’s gasped in horror. A vein of lyrium emerged into the bowl as I used my hand to break it down and then the mortar and pestle to crush it into a sparkling, purple powder.

“That is unnerving to watch.” Samson admitted. Calpernia shrugged.

“It is how he makes his ‘doppelganger potion’.”

I then added the lifestone along with some concentrator agent to make it more convincing than the one I used in Denerim. I moved the bowl over the flames of the fire pit with tongs and intoned hatred. The room burst with a roar of sound that died down immediately as the ingredients melted in an instant. I began to stir it as the intense smell filled the room. I then poured half into a cup and the other into two vials, one for Florianne, the other for myself. I handed her the vial to stow away and handed her the cup. She looked at it with a hint of fear in her eyes.

“Once consumed, you will be able to take on the guise of anyone you wish but only for an hour. You will speak in their voice. It is up to you completely to make a convincing act. I trust you will manage.” Cullen explained as he approached the blonde ambassador. I let out a small chuckle when Cullen looked at her in derision as she pouted with a bearded chin after downing the concoction.

“I trust you will manage.” Florianne repeated in his voice along with his face intact. She thanked me with gusto and promised that she would only use it if push came to shove.

I nodded to her as she left the tavern. Charger moved over to me and nuzzled my chest with his matted fur that felt warm to the touch as he and Cullen took me back to the sofa. I eased a hand through the fur, untangling few knots that appeared when Charger got covered in blood and mud on our way to Vol Dorma.

“I suggest meeting with Servis once you are able, Wolf.” Calpernia smiled as she bowed to me and moved over to the door. She nodded to Samson and looked at me with a concerned look. I then noticed that her normally pinned up hair was left loose and framed her face with ethereal radiance. It was hard to believe that she was once a slave. “Alara has been sighted in and around the city but she never stays too long in one place. Sera and her agents will look for more clues but in the meanwhile I will focus on finding the rest of the Eluvians in Tevinter.”

I nodded to her and smiled as she winked at Samson. The former templar began to stammer and Cullen chuckled as Samson settled beside us and shook his head.

“Ugh…that woman.”

“You like her, don’t you?” I pulled away from Cullen and eased Samson between us; we hugged him from either side and chuckled when the man looked at us with a look of horror as his cheeks turned beet red. He shook his head fervently and stammered.

“I can’t like her…” Samson dropped his head into his hands and let out a deep sigh. I massaged his shoulder as Cullen took the opportunity to comfort the former-templar.

“Why not?” Cullen grinned as he shot me a brief glance. Charger woofed as if to reinforce Cullen’s question and I ended up sniggering as the dog decided to nuzzle Samson with a low whimper and sad eyes. Samson looked at the mabari for a moment and laughed as it licked at his fingers, then at his cheek.

“We work together.”

“Josh and I work together and things have turned out perfect.” Cullen moved behind Samson and placed a kiss on my shoulder. I watched as Samson flushed slightly at the kiss and cleared his throat, prompting a look from Cullen that looked quite comical. “You’re…not still hung up on me, are you?”

“N-No!” Samson let out an almost girlish sound that made me chuckle as I eased my head on his shoulder. He placed a hand on my cheek and sighed. “I’ve accepted the facts. I’ve moved on with my life but you are right in one regard. I am hung up on someone.”

“Who?” Cullen asked as I saw him take Samson’s hand in his own. “Josh and I are your friends. You can tell us anything. We will be discreet.”

Raleigh Samson suddenly pulled away from the both of us and paced about the room, a pained look in his eyes as Cullen moved to comfort him. Charger jumped up on the sofa and whimpered on my lap his head rested there. I rubbed at his ears and watched as Cullen tried his best to keep Samson in check.

“Rutherford…” Samson murmured as his hands shook. Tears fell from his eyes as Cullen pulled him into a hug and I nodded silently. It wasn’t hard to tell that he was in Lyrium withdrawal. He looked good otherwise, just like Cullen when he had- has it. I saw Cullen go through it and Cullen knew it himself. There was a wordless understanding between the men as they hugged. Samson then pulled away and shook his head. “I miss him.”

“Him?”

“ Jason. I…uh I mean we…” Samson began to stuttered and wheeze as his neck and ears grew redder with every second that passed. “Maker…this is so embarrassing.” (I think it’s really cute, actually…)

“No, it’s not. So you and Jason?” I asked as Charger moved over to Samson with me. Cullen had a grin as he wrapped an arm around Samson’s shoulder. The former templar nodded and I nodded to myself. Jason was a good man. It was a pity that he went off with Neria to the West. “Are you happy?”

“Only when I’m with him or when Neria allows him to speak to me with her crystal.” Samson breathed and I could relate. Cullen looked at me and I could tell that he agreed with me. “Most days are so lonely.”

“We’re here for you.” Cullen took his hands in his own. I wrapped mine around Cullen’s and I cringed when I felt a large paw rest over my hands.

“Woof!”

“Yes Charger. You too.”

“That dog is freakishly clever.” Samson mused aloud.

“Woof!”

 

\---

 

After meeting up with Servis in the flamboyant, multihued city of Vol Dorma, it was safely assumed that Alara moved on to Minrathous. However, the smuggler looked quite distressed when I brought up Solas and his agents. He explained that his efforts to smuggle our contraband were peppered with attacks from both the Ben-Hassrath and the Agents of Fen’Harel. (Solas…)

I slept at Cullen’s side that night and had the weirdest of dreams. I was back in the forest with Ego. His Cullen-like appearance put my mind at ease as he approached me. Unlike the rest of the dreams, in this one the forest looked like an actual forest. There were no eyes in the distance, no multitude of unbelievable colors and Alara ran past me in a haze of motion. She didn’t even acknowledge our presence. (Really weird)

“We must follow her. Think of a river when we near the temple.”

“A river?” I asked as we moved, following close behind the archer who still had her hand intact. I then heard a fearsome roar, it echoed through the forest and the fires formed behind us. Between it all, I heard Solas screaming for his lover as the fires approached rapidly. “Ah shit! We need to move!”

“Don’t have to tell me twice, fool.” Ego snickered as he told me to take the lead and he helped me to dodge a few falling trees. “Keep on going and don’t look back! I’m right here!”

“I can feel the fires at my back!”

“I know! Keep going!”

My legs grew tired and I stumbled. Ego quickly ripped me to my feet and pulled me at his brisk pace to outrun the fires. I cried out with every movement as my legs felt like they were on fire from all the running. We ran and my feet got numb from moving but Ego pulled me along as the temple appeared in the distance and Alara entered it with Solas on her heel.

“Now!”

I thought of water. The feeling of water engulfed me as I remembered being drowned. I nearly collapsed but Ego kept me steady as we moved into the temple proper as water filled the forest and quenched the fires. I turned to look behind me and saw a river blocking off the fires from coming any closer. Then I heard it- a guttural roar as a voice ringed in the air.

“He remembers.” Cole cried as I rushed into the room. I saw a tall figure in armor I didn’t recognize anywhere. The man held a terrified and screaming youth as he flailed about in his grasp splashing water everywhere as the youth was submerged. It was the dream- the dream where I died. Who was this monster? Why did he hate me so much? I drove a blade through Doubt as he moved to intercept me. Alara gasped as Solas grabbed at her hands and pulled her into a hug. She wept as I moved towards Cole and pushed him aside when he tried to intervene. “I’m sorry, Purpose.”

I shook my head as I approached the man with the dead “me” in his arms. I touched his shoulder and gasped when he turned around suddenly, his eyes ablaze, red and saddened as he reached out for me but the realm then crumbled as Ego’s voice echoed out and stung at my brain.

“He betrayed you…for love.”

I woke up with a gasp. A hand was placed on my forehead immediately.

“Forget.“

“ _You…_ ” I murmured as I pushed Cole away and looked at Cullen. My breath hitched I saw the look in his eyes. My love of my life had a sad look as he reached out for me but I had no words for him as I tossed his ring and dasemah’lin at his horrid face and closed my eyes. The sounds of the spirit and former templar shouting died out as it was replaced by birdsong and the rustle of wind through the trees. (It works…it actually works!)

I opened my eyes and I was in the Temple of Mythal, on my knees in the empty Well and a shattered Eluvian behind me. My mind burned as I recalled what Cullen had done to me. He took my ability to choose away from me. He subjugated me. He tortured me in a way no one would ever understand. I only knew how to please Cullen. I had no sense of self. No ego.

I was Selfless. By severing my ties to the Well, he sealed away a part of me that kept me whole. He had no idea what he had done to me, but I knew deep inside. I could tell that there was something missing. I was completely submissive to him. There was no fire in me to live or to fight back, no urge to be more than Cullen’s pet.

It was then that my body decided to remind me of what he did as pain ripped through my chest and my backside.

I stripped off my armor but left on the undershirt and breeches. I lifted the shirt up and saw the scars that crisscrossed over me and then I felt it. A pang of pain tided over me as my insides twisted in remembrance of how he…

I told him to stop! I begged him to! But he didn’t and he…he… (No…)

I let out a pathetic sound as I curled up into a ball and cried. My stomach hurt. My chest hurt. My mind hurt. My heart hurt. Every fucking organ in me hurt as I recalled what he did and what really hurt me was that I loved him still. I would allow him to do it again and again to me because I loved him. It was foolish and wrong but my heart didn’t care.

I still loved him.

 

\---

 

Unfortunately, pain prevented me from dreamwalking back to Vol Dorma so I had to find other means of passage to reach the Tevinter Imperium.

Despite my severance from the Well, I was able to unlock and rebuild the Eluvian with some magicks I learned as Solas’ Herald but it took a few days. I found that the Crossroads was now a dead realm of decay and long gone memories as I moved about and found an Eluvian that led to Minrathous. It was complete blind luck that I was able to find it so quickly to allow me to find Alara.

The capital was dark compared to Vol Dorma. A lot of grays compared to the vibrant, florid tones the city had. After some searching I found out that a bald elf was spotted in the marketplace surrounded by towers of stone and the Argent Spire in the distance, I actually managed to get a glimpse of the Dread Wolf and it made my heart smile to know that he was alright and that the years apart from me had treated him well.  (My friend…)

I saw that he was eying a hooded woman that moved from stall to stall with refined grace and a cautious look about her. I intoned doubt and smiled as I moved over to her and touched her shoulder. My sister placed a dagger to my side and smiled once she realized that it was just me.

“Brother!” She cried as she pulled me close and I felt her smile widen into my neck. She then pulled me into a vacant alleyway and nodded to me as we stood where no one could see us or hear us. “I know why you’re here, I won’t give up-”

“No. What you are doing is right. You love him. Who am I to question your devotion and love for Solas? I will help you if I can sister.”

“Why the change of heart?”

“I remember, Ashara. I will never forget how you all betrayed me but I would rather you were happy in Solas’ arms than alone like me.” My sister looked at me wordlessly and pulled me into a hug. She sobbed quietly as she held firmly to my chest and I nuzzled her neck with my own. “I love you, sister. Nothing you do would ever be wrong in my eyes.”

“Alone?” She asked. Her eyes moved over to my left hand and she winched when she saw that I no longer wore the tether and his ring. “What about Cullen-“

My blood boiled as she said the name. I balled my fists and gave her a fiery look that made the former Inquisitor flinch slightly as she held into me.

“Never say that name in front of me. If I see him, I will kill him. I…I…hate him.”

“He did it for love.”  Sister affirmed.

“I suppose forcing himself into me was an act of love as well then?” The look of shock on Alara’s face was horrifying to behold. Her hands shook as she traced my face with her petite fingers, I lifted my shirt and she let out a gasp when she saw the scars I had. “He did this to me. He could have told me the truth. Instead, he allowed me believe that there was something wrong with me. He will never touch me again- if he does, he will lose fingers.”

“Ir abelas.”

I shook my head and gritted my teeth in anger.

“Why apologize for something beyond your control?”

“I wanted you to be happy with Cullen.”

“Some things are just not meant to be, sister.” I gave her a smile and she nodded in understanding. “Come now. I saw Solas in the marketplace. We will meet him together, sister. He will listen to me.”

“Maybe he will…You seem different.”

“Selfless.”

“Selfless?” Alara asked with a confused look but I held back the explanation. “What does that even-“

“Have you heard? The Lion has been captured! He’s being sold off into slavery!” (What?) I heard an elf speak in a hushed tone. My sister shut up in that moment and looked at me in disbelief as we huddled at the wall to remain hidden and to hopefully learn more.

“What? No! You must be wrong! The Lion and the Wolf are here to save us!” Another chimed with a smile but the previous elf shook her head and spoke with her voice riddled with despair.

“It’s true. The Wolf has abandoned the Lion. The Lion tried to find him but the Divine had him captured to curry favor with the Archon. Apparently, the Archon is not happy at all about this. He actually had a falling out with the Divine so the Divine is now trying to save face by selling the Lion off to a magister as a sign of goodwill.”

“That sounds foolish. Why would the Wolf abandon his other half?”

“Rumor has it that the Lion hurt the Wolf real bad.” I heard enough. I asked Alara to remain behind as I chugged down my potion and approached the pair.

“E-Excuse me?”

“Yes little girl?” The male turned to me and smiled slightly as I pointed to the woman.

“The L-Lion is being sold in- into slavery?”

“Yes…He was captured trying to track down the Wolf. The mage seems to have made no efforts to save his partner. It’s sad really. But then I wonder, what did he do to the Wolf that made him run?”

“Do you k-know where this sale will be taking place?”

“At the marketplace tonight at ten bells. Our masters wish us to see the folly of believing in the Lion and the Wolf. We will attend, but we will not be broken and they will not bend us to their will! _We are the ones, to ignite-_ “

“Quiet down woman! Do you want to get all the slaves purged?” An elf with a hood appeared and shook his head. He had a very distinct voice for an elf. “Sulahn?! What are you doing here? Your parents must be worried!” (You know my daughter? Who are you?)

He reached for me and pulled me close as I turned to Alara with a confused look; she however nodded and followed as the unknown elf pulled me along to follow him.

“Fenris! That is not Sulahn!” Alara called as we entered an abandoned warehouse. I saw the elf smiled as he pulled off his hood to reveal a handsome face with silvery, jagged hair with lines of pulsing lyrium that I felt tempted to touch that ran across his lithe body. However it seemed that I was the only one able to see the lines’ overflowing with the Fade when Alara chuckled at how I stared at the elf. She chuckled even louder when I turned back into my own form and the white haired elf looked at me in horror.

“Sulahn is missing.”

“We will find her.” I affirmed.

“W-Wolf…Are you here to save the Lion?” Fenris asked as he looked at me with a deep set hatred in his eyes.

“No. And my name is Josh, not ‘Wolf’.”

“Josh, how can you abandon-“

“No don’t- Just fucking shut up! I will see him pay for what he did to me! He- He…will pay. He must pay!”

“Brother, please…calm down-“

“Calm down?” I let out a brief chuckle as I pulled out my Wolf overcoat from my travel bag and eased it over my shoulders, taking a moment to adjust the hood correctly. “The time for calming down has passed sister.  I love him but love is not enough. Not for what he did.”

“…What did he do?” Fenris’ green eyes watched me with a hint of sadness in them as he placed an iron-clad hand onto my shoulder. I sighed as I recalled that Varric had told me of the Tevinter fugitive and shook my head when the bell rang out eight times.

“He…suppressed me. I am a husk, worse than Tranquilty, worse than death. There is nothing inside me but an insatiable need to appease the Lion. Some sick part of me loves it. It is slavery of a different kind.”

 

\---

 

I approached the marketplace at ten bells under the cover of my doubt spell. I wove through the crowd and watched as Dorian seated himself at the podium along with a few other magisters who were vying to purchase the Lion.

There were many whispers amongst the people, slaves and nobility alike as they made theories as to why the Wolf abandoned the Lion to his fate. Each word uttered made me cringe as I watched Cullen be led out of a cage, shackled and beaten but he managed to make quite a few onlookers gawk at his handsomeness. His body was covered with bloody rags that left his chest bare but I think that was the whole point of it all.

The Lion would not be bought merely for the fact that he was powerful and dangerous, not for the fact that he commanded thousands of men and women, not for the fact that he held the respect of millions of people who depended on him.

Dorian gave me quite an earful as to what would be done with the Lion if he was under the service of a magister and I cringed. What Cullen did to me was bad but this…people desired Cullen. He would be used over and over like a toy and then cast aside when he was no longer useful and spent- worse yet would be if he was going to be taken. I knew Cullen. He was manly and it took a lot of love and courage for him to ask me to take him.  I hated myself for saying it but I needed to save him.

Not out of love. Not out of friendship. Not out of sympathy but rather because I could not see Cullen debased by someone who didn’t love him, so I would protect him in his time of need. I loved him still.

Bidding started and I noticed a slight whisper in the air. I turned to face it and saw Solas standing beside me, a sad look in his eyes as his hand eased over my shoulder.

“Do not hesitate, _ma nas’falon_.” Solas smiled as he whispered into my ear. “The Ben-Hassrath is here, _Sulevin_. Be careful and I will help…as always.”

The elf then pulled away and I nodded as he disappeared into the crowd with a smile. I clean forgot to tell him to take Alara with him. I reminded myself that on our next encounter that I would tell him. My gaze shifted back the podium and I saw that Dorian was losing dreadfully. He had the coin but the manner in which the other magisters bid completely shut him out for they were like vultures after a single cadaver. He looked out into the distance shook his head as I saw Iron Bull, Rosalie, Fenris and the Chargers approached from the east. At the same time, I saw dozens of figures moving towards the podium.  I took it as my cue to act.

I closed my eyes and moved behind Cullen (I dreamwalked- it worked again! Ha!), conjuring up a blade of ice as I moved. I then cleaved off the shackles and Cullen looked at me wordlessly as I handed him the blade. He hissed from the cold but nodded as he rushed forward and killed the nearest guard with ease.

The crowd erupted in a mix of screams and cheers as I intoned my mana arrow and sent it through several Elvhen-Qunari agents that rushed up the podium, making them tumble to the ground in a heap of corpses. The magisters huddled together as Dorian called up a wall of fire to separate the approaching templars from us as chaos covered the area. I kept my eye on Cullen as he made short work of his captors. I saw Solas and his agents helping elvhen slaves to evacuate the city and I smiled in satisfaction to know that they would be free from being servants all their lives.

I failed to see the knife at my ribs. I screamed out as it slid past my armor and punctured my flesh. The Lion roared in anger as the elf ignored me and moved to him as I heard Dorian and the magisters fighting the rest of the Ben-Hasssrath and the waves of templars that approached. Soon the Agents of Fen’Harel joined in and it was a two-on-two battle.

The blade was definitely poisoned; I was quite sure of that when I began to see dozens of redheads slashing out to dozens of Cullens and three Sulahns standing in the crowd next to Sera with tears in her eyes. I tried to stand straight and to move but I fell forward onto my face. I looked forward as I crawled. I heard Bull shouting to Dorian through the fires and flinging something at his altus. Cullen huffed as his ice-blade deflected the elf’s dagger as but she managed to strike him a few times, making him more prone to err as she flipped and rolled to addle him. I managed to get to my feet as Dorian came to my aid; he uncorked a small bottle and urged me to drink it as white hot pain filled my mind. (What poison is this?! Saar-Qamek!?)

The assassin landed a high kick on Cullen that left him open, she lifted her dagger strike and I felt my heart cry out as I moved against the pain. I screamed but no loud emitted as I took the blow myself, shielding Cullen with my hand as pain washed over it and the left side of my face. Sound died down as I passed out and felt worried hands at my face and a kiss to my brow as a bitter liquid was forced down my throat by a cussing elf that I did not recognize.

 

\---

 

I was unable to see in the real world, but I could see in the Fade.

Worse yet was that I was unable to move as well. I dreamed but it was mostly Ego and Solas who sat beside me with hands moving as they tended to my wounds. They spoke but all I saw was lips moving and I heard nothing. Solas would smile slightly as he kept me flat in the middle of the Well while Ego took care of me.  When the pair wasn’t in my field of vision, I saw countless stars in the sky.

I found that my lips were able to move and I could hear myself as I spoke. Ego and Solas however didn’t hear me. Whether they chose to ignore me or they were oblivious to my mad ramblings, I didn’t know but their presence was comforting. I decided to sing to make my time in the Fade less boring as I was paralyzed and realized that it wasn’t stars in the sky, but eyes.

I needed to sing or else I would succumb to fear. So I sang.

 

\---

_I just woke up from a fuzzy dream_

_You never would believe the things that I have seen._

_I looked in the mirror and I saw your face_

_You looked right through me, you were miles away_

_All my dreams, they fade away_

_I’ll never be the same_

_If you could see me the way you see yourself_

_I can’t pretend to be someone else_

_Always love me more, miles away_

_I hear it in your voice, miles away_

_You’re not afraid to tell me, miles away_

_I guess we’re at our best, miles away_

_So far away, so far away, so far away, so far away_

_So far away, so far away, so far away, s-so…f-far a-a-way…_

\---

 

The tears fell without my permission but in the same breath, I felt a hand wipe the moisture gingerly. My vision slowly faded out and I saw Cullen. But…there was something wrong. My…left eye- it wasn’t opening and I still could see the Fade.

Cullen smiled as he cupped my cheek. I however was less than pleased to see him, I lifted my left hand to push him away but I winched when I saw the bandages wrapped around it. All my fingers were numb, just as my eye was. The Lion looked at me sadly as I averted my eyes from his handsome face and instead looked over at the door on the far side of the bedroom. I recognized the crest on the stained glass windows. We were back in Qarinus at the Pavus Estate.

“How are you-“

“My left eye isn’t opening and my left hand is numb as well. What’s wrong with me?” I asked in a hostile tone. Cullen looked at me with a sad look he helped me to sit up and to get a better look about the room. He dodged my question and offered me some fruit and water. I shook my head and glared at him as best I could under the circumstances and he sighed.

“Your left eye is open.”

That didn’t make any sense. By the shadows of the room, I could not see all the details of his face but it was only when he moved to retrieve a hand mirror near a well lit window that I saw that someone had given him a black eye. Judging by the impression of a ring and the size of the fist over his right eye, it was Maxwell.

Cullen was about to give me the mirror but he took hold of my uninjured hand and he sobbed.

“You didn’t have to take the blow. You could have left me. You should have. It was my penance for what I did to you but now…” His voice broke and he cried but I was left unmoved. I yanked the mirror from his fingers and gazed into it. My heart dropped in that moment.

A huge scar ran from my forehead running down through my left eye and stopped short of my mouth. I nearly screamed when I saw the milky white eye as the tears welled up and slid down effortlessly. Cullen pulled me into a hug and wiped at my tears and murmured lovingly but I pushed him away and began to pull at the bandages on my left hand. He tried to stop me with his claw but I pulled away and turned as the bandages pulled free and my eyes took in my hand.

“Bethany and Stitches did what they could but the damage is done.” Cullen took the hand in his claw and kissed at the two remaining knuckles as I flexed it. With a thumb and a single finger, the hand was now unusable except for certain tasks but he was right. The damage was done. “I’m sorry, ma fen.”

“You are not.” I cussed.

“You’re right, _vhenan_. I would do it all again if required to protect you.”

“You are not _vhenan_.”

“If you say so.” Cullen nodded with a dark look in his eyes. “Whatever makes you sleep at night, my love.”

“I can see you so clearly now, _vherain_.”

“What do you mean? What do you see?” Cullen asked with a hint of curiosity as he adjusted the dasemah’lin around his neck which held his ring and the now whole coin, he then placed a hand over my heart. I pushed him away and growled as I took in his face and I felt fear fill my heart.

“I see a lion with bared, serrated teeth and seething red eyes that make my heart quake in panic. I see a monster.”

Cullen looked at me with horror in his eyes. I shook my head and massaged at my left hand with my fingertips. I smiled at him and he looked at me in confusion.

“I am Selfless because of you Cullen. I am no sense of self and I would ask of you but one favor. If you ever loved me: kill me.”

“What? How can you ask me to do-“

“I would rather die or become Tranquil than Selfless. At least the Tranquil have logic and reasoning. I am the opposite. I lack logic. I simply do as I feel and it is empty in every way. There’s no reason to do anything now. But I love you.”

“You love me?”

“Not truly. You hurt me in a way you will never understand Cullen and I won’t punish you for it. I can’t hurt you. But I can’t be with you either.” I said as tears fell. Cullen watched silently as he settled on the bed and touched my forehead. I ripped his hand away and glowered at him.

“You meant every word of that song, didn’t you?”

“You heard me?”

“I always hear you.” Cullen smiled slightly, his ears and neck flushed with color.

“Then hear me now. _Ar lasa mala revas_. You are no longer obligated to take care of me. If you won’t kill me, then I will walk away and find death elsewhere.”

“Not in the condition you’re in! No- I forbid it.”

“Who are you to stop me?”

“I am your husband!”

“Are you?” I asked with a mocking tone. The Lion merely looked at me with a hint of anger and despair in his eyes.

“Don’t leave, please!” Cullen begged as I pulled myself out of bed despite the pain. I pulled on some slacks and a tunic from the dresser Cullen took the mirror from. I then pulled on shoes while Cullen stood frozen, tears streaming down his cheeks as I tore a shirt apart and used the strips of cloth to make a makeshift scarf to cover my face. “ _Ar lath ma!_ Please-”

I turned to the Lion and invoked ice. A blade of frost manifested in my hand and I held it to his chest. He looked at me as my gaze turned icy and his eyes locked onto mine.

“You don’t even remember my name…do you?”

Cullen merely nodded as I dispelled the ice-blade and turned to leave.

“Let me be clear on this, monster. The ‘Joshua’ you knew is dead. He died the moment you drowned me in the Well of Sorrows. ‘Joshua’ is no longer my name.”

“What will I call you then?”

“My name is not your fucking concern.”


	6. I Am Your Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I returned to His roots.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wrote this chapter while listening to Mythic by Two Steps From Hell (Classics Vol.2)

The first thing I did once I fled Qarinus was cut my braid. It was a bother and reminded me of Cullen whenever it got tangled into something. The former-templar loved to point out what lovely hair I had and I grew it as a favor to him, but now that I was free of his influence, I decided to go with a shoulder length cut that didn’t irritate me as much.

The second thing I did was to make sure that Cullen and the others had no clue where I was. With the capture of the Tallis who scarred me and the shaming of the Black Divine, talk had only been of how witty and far-sighted the Wolf was and I intended to keep that reputation intact. The Lion would lead as required while I, the Wolf acted from the shadows. We were not together, but our movement was alive, well and raring to act. But they would have to wait. Solas was not our enemy, not for the time being- and at least…not for me.

The last thing I did was once I was on the road. I discarded my armor and opted to wear robes I stole from Dorian’s mansion on my way out (Sorry…) along with my wolf hood. I was built smaller than the altus and thus the robes hung loosely as I pulled on my wolf hood. I made no effort to repair the torn eyehole. I wanted people to see that I was mortal and that was their mistake: the assumption that I would die easily.

I was Flemeth’s son. I was the fucking Inquisitor. I was the Herald of Fen’Harel and I could petrify foes with a mere glance. Assassins tried their luck with me. One look was all it took and they scattered like headless chickens. It was quite fun killing them with my Mana Arrows and leaving one to report back to whoever wanted me dead. They needed to become more creative with their tactics and steer away from outright murder or poisoning my food. (Pathetic!)

People looked at me in fear as I passed. Whoever stared at my scar got a stare right back at them as I passed through several towns and made my way towards Vyrantium, a port town situated between Minrathous and Qarinus. I had no particular reason to be there so I decided to visit on the basis of scouting the scenery. It was a beautiful town, well known for white samite, infused and enchanted in the city then exported all over Thedas. But it was nothing compared to the town I saw through my dead eye.

One boon of my dead eye was that I was able to see the Fade as I moved without dreaming. Mixed with the solid forms of the white and sand colored towers was spires of black and gold conjured up by roaming spirits who envisioned the city as it was in the olden days. I had to wipe my eyes when I saw ghostly people walking by as real people walked by too, confusing my brain as to what was real and what was a mere vision.

Sometimes it became too much as I explored the city and I had to sit down to prevent myself from throwing up.  A mage with ginger hair and an elf with brown, lustrous hair looked at me in concern as they approached me once I settled down in a vacant passageway. Needless to say, they were thrown off by my scar and the hood but the woman seemed well versed in elvhen as she introduced herself. I then saw her vallaslin and I nodded in understanding. Dalish: One of the few still around after the Mass Exodus of 9:45 Dragon.

“ _Aneth ara, fen_. We will bring to fall the giants.” The elf smiled as she pointed to herself and her human ally. “My name is Ariane.” (Ah, the agents that Calpernia spoke of in her last report)

“And I’m Florian Phineas Horatio Aldebrant Esquire- or just Finn.” The man beside her smiled coolly as he bowed. I could see the Fade inside him but unlike most mages, he opted to wear a suit of scalemail and had a sword strapped to his back along with a staff made from white steel. (Interesting) I grinned at their eagerness and extended my hand.

“We can make the final call, friends. Admittedly, that was quite the mouthful; Alas, I am the Wolf and I have no name.”

“You have no name?” The mage looked at me in confusion. The elf nudged to stop him from pressing on but it seemed that he didn’t get the picture and decided to go right ahead as I let out a small scoff of irritation. “Were you born without a- Ouch!”

“Finn!” Ariane snarled as she pinched his ear. He looked at me apologetically as she let go of the mage’s ear as the flesh began to turn bright red. “Sorry about him. No manners. There’s a tavern we can speak at nearby. Why don’t you come with us? We can discuss operations in progress while there.”

I laughed, then nodded at them and the elf smiled as she led me towards a secluded path, hidden between the twisting paths of the city. As we moved towards their residence, the mage stopped me briefly and looked at me gravely.

“You are a blood mage aren’t you? There are rumors but…” He asked. I nodded readily and he tilted his head in curiosity as Ariane tapped her foot impatiently. “Is it as bad as everyone makes it out to be?”

I shook my head and we resumed following Ariane.

“Looking to learn it?”

“No! I uh…” He looked at Ariane and the elf chuckled when she saw how red his cheeks turned. “I’ve never met a friendly blood mage. Well, except for Neria. She was nice.”

That made me stop in my tracks- Ariane looked at me with worry as I turned to the mage and smiled at him. I could see that despite his collected demeanor, my ghastly eye made him flinch in horror.  I wasn’t quite used to it myself as I would sometimes dream that my eye was still working. Unfortunately, the mind can deceive you for only so long.

“You knew the Warden?” I asked and the pair nodded. I smiled inwardly as I urged the elf to lead us deeper into the city. She brought us to a ledge overlooking the Nocen Sea. It led to a hidden door that looked a lot like a wall, cleverly hidden by poisonous ivy that lined it; the manner in which Ariane handled the plant told me that she was a fellow alchemist as she slid open the door and allowed us to enter, not without making sure that we weren’t being followed.

After working at another hidden door, this one riddled with interlocking plates to make up a symbol of a crescent moon, lined with archaic letters that I recognized somewhat to translate: “…protectors of...seas...”; Ariane managed to unlock the door.

When the door opened, I was greeted by many eyes who regarded me with respect as I followed Ariane and Finn towards the bar. The barkeep, an old balding man with dark eyes smiled as he asked me what I would be having for the night.

“Some ale.” I nodded as I placed a good amount of gold on the table but the man stopped me with a genuine smile. “My coin’s not good enough for you?”

“On the contrary, your coin is too much for us.” He smiled, revealing reddened gums with barely any teeth left. The slight tinge of red around his eyes confirmed my suspicions as he poured out a tankard of ale while Ariane and Finn settled down opposite Zevran, who sat alone ogling the woman I sat beside. He briefly nodded to me and turned back to the pair speaking to him. “We are honored, Wolf. You do good work.”

“I do what I have to.”

“Will we be seeing the Lion anytime soon?”

“Doubtful, but we still serve together. Do not doubt that we will see our task through.”

“And what task would that be, Wolf?” The dark haired woman beside me, who wore a pirate captain’s hat turned with a seductive grin on her face as she leaned backward, she didn’t seem to be bothered by my dead eye. (Huh.)  

My eyes immediately roamed from her cocoa curves to her breasts as she folded her arms underneath them to accentuate their perkiness with the skin tight white tunic she wore. “Making every man and woman swoon in delight as you both pass by? I had heard that Cullen was the Lion but I didn’t believe it. Now I feel bad for not shagging him in Kirkwall.” (…What?)

“You knew Cullen from Kirkwall?” I lifted a dark blonde brow and the woman merely smiled as I took a long sip of my ale.

“Getting ahead of myself, sorry. I’m Isabela, and you would look lovely tied to my ship naked.” That made me spit out my ale. She chuckled as the barkeep wiped the bar clean. She placed a hand on my thigh and my groin reacted by getting all tingly as she slowly moved towards it. “Better yet, we could tie Cullen up. He’d take you and you’d take…me.”

I placed my hand over hers and smiled as I stood up and moved her hand into her lap.

“While your offer is quite attempting, I will have to decline for now.” (Stay focused…No no not on her…ugh…)

The woman nodded with a wide smile as she pointed over to Zevran and winked.

“Zev’s got some information you might find interesting. If you have need of a ship you know where to find me. If you need someone to ease your…tensions, don’t be shy to ask. I need a sailor with strong legs on my…deck.” Isabela purred as she then eased herself off the barstool and made sure I got an eyeful of her curvy and toned ass. I shook my head after she left and sat opposite Ariane and Finn, next to Zevran.

“It is good to see you my friend. Nice scar.” Zevran brushed aside a few stray hairs from my face and touched the scar over my eye. I cringed slightly at his warm fingers but it was a pleasant feeling. My mind raced over to Cullen and I imagined him touching it- No. I shouldn’t be thinking of that traitorous bastard.

I smiled as Zevran pulled his fingers away with a small grin.

“Thank you. I’ve always wanted a scar.”

“It makes you look quite fearsome.” The assassin nodded.

Zevran provided me with accurate information regarding the situations in Ferelden, Orlais, Nevarra, Rivain and Antiva. He let the pair opposite him to explain Tevinter’s situation. Alistair and Anora were nowhere near rebelling, while Celene sat happily upon her throne until the day I would decide pull the carpet from under her and Briala for their attempts to kill me. (Stupid bitches)

Rivain was largely untouched and would require some agents to be stationed there, also to misdirect any Ben-Hassrath in the area; I trusted that the Lion would keep in mind contingencies in case the Qunari decided to launch a full-scale attack on the South.

Antiva was under control for the Merchant Princes were too scared to declare anything but their full support lest they end up with ruined imports, exports and a house filled with dead family members.

Nevarra was under control as well. King Markus knew better than to start a fight with our people and better yet, Moth had contacts with advisors who worked daily with the king. One letter and he would be discredited or assassinated, to be replaced by a man or woman of our choosing.

The assassin claimed that the Chantry denounced us but I did not care anymore. Like it or not, they needed to bend to our will or we would crush them under our heel. I could see that Zevran didn’t like the conflict between Leliana and the Lion and the Wolf but it would be required if she kept up her current demeanor. She would be replaced by Cassandra or Vivienne if she was no longer useful to our cause.

“While the Lion and the Wolf have control of the surrounding areas besides Rivain, we have minimal presence in Tevinter. Archon Radonis has accepted you but he is but one man and we require the whole Magistarium’s support.” Ariane explained, she then nodded to Finn, who smiled at her briefly and then pointed to a map he pulled out from his bag. He pointed to the Anderfels.

“Weisshaupt is silent and all the Dalish have disappeared who lived outside of cities with the exclusion of Clan Lavellan and a few others. I’ve been in contact with Neria recently and she claims that elven wardens have been disappearing too but only the ones who grew up in with the Dalish..“ The mage breathed.

“There’s trouble ahead.” I nodded and everyone at the table nodded.

“Speaking of trouble…We’ve heard about a cure for Tranquility. Is it viable?” Ariane asked as she pointed to a backroom that she led me and Finn towards as the assassin smiled to himself and nursed a half-fill cup of wine.  I nodded to her eagerly.

“It was the Divine Victoria’s initial idea to spread the word of a cure around but the templars managed to silence her on the matter, for they claimed that the mages would rain just vengeance upon the Templar Order and the Seekers for hiding the truth for so long. The Black Divine isn’t too worried about Tranquility though, so long as the mages are in charge in Tevinter.” Finn explained.

Ariane opened the door and I coughed slightly when a small gust of dusty wind blew through the open window. Inside the room, I saw several men and women all dressed in the robes with the Circle of Magi’s crest, ten people watched me wordlessly as I examined their faces and saw the Sunburst upon their foreheads. (Tranquil…I will help those poor souls regain who and what they were)

My stomach turned and my blood churned as I recalled how it felt to lack emotion. I knew I could help these people so I asked Finn to help me form up a line as I settled at the end of the room near the window.  I called upon the spirits I befriended during the Nightmare and smiled when I saw the swirl of colors immerging from the Fade as the room filled with the sounds of too many voices speaking at once, making me hiss in irritation. Ariane looked at me with a look of concern but I smiled at her and approached the first Tranquil brought before me.

The first Tranquil was a girl aged eighteen. I could tell that she was too sad and scared to fight a demon, so she probably took the easy way out to solve the problem. I asked her if she wanted to become a mage again. Her response had me on the verge of tears but I kept strong as I cupped the girl’s cheek and shook my head.

“I am not certain. Becoming a mage again would make this one susceptible to demons.”

“The Tranquil are not invisible or immune. They are merely not the first choice for a sought out host to enter the waking world.”

“I- I see. You are like this one.”

“Like you?” I asked and the girl smiled as she nodded without feeling.

“You are hollow and sad.” The girl smiled. (…Yes. I am Selfless and hollow like a walking, talking shell)

The pair beside me glanced at me with a look between confusion and outright horror as I took the girl’s hand and kissed it slightly. I saw a small smile flash across her petite face as I pulled her into a hug.

“How old were you when they hurt you?”

“This one was…sixteen and there was four templars. They told me not to talk about it.” Ariane gasped when she heard the girl speak.

“Where are they now?” I asked as my heart filled up with hatred. The Tranquil looked at me with a brief look of satisfaction.

“Dead. The Lion has killed them.”

The Lion? C-Cullen?! My mind raced and I staggered backward and tripped from astonishment. Several hands kept me held up from the cold ground below as the Tranquil promptly lifted me up with Ariane and Finn’s help. I nodded in thanks as the pair looked at me in concern while the girl I spoke to offered me a sip of wine from her water-skin after seating me on a vacant stool while the other Tranquil returned to their duties.

“I am sorry for upsetting you. Please forgive-“

“N-No. It’s fine! I just…” I sighed and looked at the former-mage then at the pair who looked at me from above. “He didn’t tell me.”

“Judging from how he looked at this one afterward, he didn’t like doing it. He was very angry at them. Ripped them apart limb from limb but he hugged this one afterward. He gave this one to Zevran and Isabela to keep this one safe from the Venatori Remnants.”

(Oh Cullen…)

My mind flashed images of his heroism as we fought side by side over the year. My mind flashed his grin, brighter than the sun and his scar as my hands traced it lovingly. My mind then reminded me of what he did to me, as water filled me up and I let out a small but loud enough yelp that made Finn approach me with worry. In the same moment that he touched my shoulder, I felt a presence and saw a statue of a woman, surrounded by dust and stone. A single, pulled word from an unmoving mouth pierced the silence.

 

\---

_“Greetings…”_

_\---_

I pulled away from the mage and cried out as Ariane eased me into her arms, patting my back as Finn placed a gloved hand on my back as well.

“Are you alright?”

“Yes! I mean no! I…” I gave the mage a sad look and shook my head. “I saw a woman made from stone. She greeted me with a Tevinter accent.”

Finn looked at Ariane with look of recognition as the elf allowed me to pull away.

“You know her don’t you?”

“Eleni Zinovia.” Finn nodded. “Consort to Archon Valerius and imprisoned in stone for foretelling his downfall.”

“I…I think she wants to see me.”

“…I think you’re right. We’ll have to go to Ferelden then.” Ariane smiled.

“Ferelden?”

“Kinloch Hold, to be accurate.” Finn nodded again, this time with a wide grin. (Kinloch Hold? Isn’t that where Cullen was stationed during the Blight?)

 

\---

 

I managed to reverse Tranquility on the mages and induct them into the Lion and the Wolf under Calpernia’s care. She was stunned to see me back in Vol Dorma so quickly but was nonetheless happy to see me, she promised to keep my visit a secret from the Lion. It was simple since using the Eluvians to move about. I could country hop without anyone’s notice but it seemed that the paths I walked did not join up with any of the paths Solas’ people walked. (To prevent conflict- I…understand)

Speaking about the Eluvians, Ariane was quite taken with the realm, Finn as well but to a lesser extent. I had to teach them some elvhen to help them to understand concepts that where just out of their reach. Needless to say, Finn irritated Ariane at every moment he could with his new found knowledge. From the way she blushed, I could tell that she liked the mage.

We took a short rest stop after appearing at an Eluvian to the north of Gwaren, a small elvhen ruin filled with the occasional corpse or giant spider. (Eck!) I was unable to fadewalk due to my restlessness so I decided to take a short jaunt through the ruins’ library to try and find sleep.

The tomes on the old, creaking wood shelves were caked in dust and sand as a solemn wind passed through the room. I wanted to read them, but was afraid that touching the ancient tomes would cause them to fall apart. Instead, I settled down in a corner without cobwebs and tried to rest for a short while.

For a few moments, I remained with my hands massaging at my neck when suddenly, I felt a warm hand at my cheek. I looked up and saw Solas seated in front of me, his feet crossed as he smiled at me enigmatically.

“ _Aneth ara, ma nas’falon_.” He greeted as I reached for him and I felt his warmth at my fingertips. I practically forgot my need to sleep once I realized that it wasn’t a vision or dream and that my friend was there, right in front of me. He looked good.

“Solas!” I whimpered as I drove at him and clung to his gangly form. He chuckled as I pulled him back over to the corner after dusting him off and hugged at his arm. He smiled at me again as he massaged at my matted hair. He then pulled free from me and took a long look at my eye and shook his head apologetically but I stopped him with my hands and brought them to his chest. “No brother. This was my fault. My love has blinded me. He…he…hurt me.”

“That is where you are wrong.” Solas admitted with a deep sigh, he took my weakened hand and clasped his thumb and index fingers to my own. He then kissed it and nodded to himself. “ _Amelan-vhenan_ loves you more than you will ever understand and I…I envy the man for being so brazen with it. He loves you and he will do anything to protect you, even from yourself.”

“ _Protector of the Heart?”_

The Dread Wolf nodded as his smile turned into a frown as he looked over at the door.

“I love her, _emma nas’falon_. She is _vhenan_ but she does not understand. Our love will endure the ages…but time is not something that any of us have anymore.”

“That sounds ominous.”

“ _Fen_ …the _Evanuris_ are coming. Even as I try to tear down the Veil to restore what was, I cannot stop them alone. They will come and they will seek vengeance. I am afraid, _falon_ \- not for myself but for Ashara. She doesn’t know of the bow she wielded as Inquisitor.”

“The bow that can use used to cast spells? I thought it was a gift from Andruil, that the Lavellan’s had the bow since they revered her and Ghilan’nain.”

“It is _The Bow of Andruil_ and she will want it back just as the others will want what Fen’an had stolen from them. Ashara has entrusted the bow to your brother Maxwell, but I would feel at ease if you had it and used it in the war to come.” The elf smiled. “You are no longer my advisor, Josh’ua but you are my friend and I treasure your love and trust in me.”

“I…am no longer Josh’ua.” I cringed slightly as the words left my mouth. The Dread Wolf looked at me sadly as he took my hand and held it to his chest with love and admiration in his eyes. “I have no name.”

“I see.” Solas nodded. “Do you have any names in mind?”

“Not really. I mean- “ _Josh’ua_ ” means “to create motion/change”…I want a new name for a new beginning.”

“Without Cullen?” Solas asked in a soothing voice that caught me off guard. It wasn’t the manner in which he asked. The tone was an implication, as if he knew I would not be able to live without Cullen.

“Yes.” I turned away from the elf with tears running down my cheeks.

“You are being foolish, _nas’falon_. Cullen is _mala vhenan_ just as Ashara is _ma vhenan_.” The Dread Wolf smiled as he used his hand to turn my face to look into his eyes. He wiped at the tears and pulled me close so that my forehead met his. “Do you know why I listen to you? Why I would break my own rules and take Ashara with me on the _Din’anshiral_? Why I would do anything at your behest except end my quest?”

I shook my head and Solas enveloped me into his arms, his warmth encircled me as he smiled against my shoulder.

“ _Ar lath ma, nas’falon._ I care about you. You have proven to me over and over that you are truly a friend of mine. You genuinely worry about when all others forsake me. You are my brother, _Vher’an_.”

“ _Vher’an_?”

“Your name, _Vher’an. “_ **Lionheart** _”_ ”

“B-But you can’t call me that!” I whimpered in a pathetic tone that made Solas chuckle as he pulled away from me. “I- mean…I-I-I am honored to be named by you, but it…it is wrong.”

“It is not. You love him even now. Do not even suggest otherwise, _falon._ I see it in your eyes and it hurts me to see you unhappy. You are Cullen’s heart, Vher’an. Accept it and move on.” The elf looked into my eyes and I felt as if he was searching through my heart by merely gazing into my eyes. I had to admit it. I loved the name he gave me, even if it screamed of Cullen it every sense of its meaning.

“I cannot.”

“You can.” A new voice spoke and I almost screamed when Ego appeared beside the elf. He grinned wolfishly as his eyes turned from brown to bright green that reminded me of veilfire as he nodded to the Dread Wolf. “Only a foolish boy would deny his love for another.”

“What would a demon know of love?” I asked and Ego looked at me for a moment with a hint of sadness that dulled his radiant eyes. The demon then shook his head and the bright green returned as he chuckled and playfully shoved the Dread Wolf. (So…Solas is friends with Ego as well as me? Weird…)

“This boy- ugh, the last time I looked, you had working ears. I told you that there is no name for what I was. Ego is just a name I have given myself.”

“What were you then?” I asked. The demon looked at Solas briefly but smiled once the Dread Wolf nodded to him.

“I was everything that encompasses a hero. Strength, Faith, Hope, Justice, Valor…even Love- but I lost myself as time went by and became Fear, Deceit, Despair, Vengeance, and Doubt…Lust even. Now I am Ego. It is but a word that speaks of me and not what I represent- that word was long forgotten.”

“Ego is different from most spirits. He has a twin.”

(A twin?!)

 

\---

 

Solas told me that he would ensure Sulahn’s safety and that he would take Ashara with him the next time he was able to cross paths with the former-Inquisitor. It put my heart at ease to know that he would look after my daughter and take care of my beloved sister.

Finn was quite helpful in gaining access to the Circle. He seemed to be on good terms with the current Knight-Commander, a man named Hadley who was recommended by the previous one. The First Enchanter was a delightful man called Godwin who gladly helped us to enter the Repository with Hadley. However, Finn opted to remain behind. I did not know his exact reason behind it except that he wasn’t allowed to come with us. (Strange.)

Unlike my own Circle, this one had stringent measures to keep the phylacteries safe from would-be apostates. Luckily, Divine Victoria gave the mages much more freedom (Thank you for that at the very least, bitch) and as such, no more phylacteries were being made. The Repository was basically filled with dangerous artifacts and was sealed shut so no one would misuse them.

The pair left me and Ariane to traverse the area in search of Eleni Zinovia. Luckily, Ariane knew the way but we were attacked by living armor, sentinels bound with wisps that attacked anything that entered the halls. The elf beside me explained that after Neria was able find Morrigan in the Dragonbone Wastes; the sentinels lost their ability to differentiate between friend and foe, thus it was decided leave the place to be guarded by the mad wisps. I inwardly agreed with the idea. Dangerous artifacts should be kept safe and out of the hands of people who would use it for all the wrong reasons. What better way to ensure it with hostile guards keeping it safe and secure?

Ariane took me into a room filled with magical baubles, lining shelves upon shelves, along with some chests that were filled with things like Rods of Fire, Wands of Paralysis and a rarer Scepter of Mending- a rather useful item for the novice healer. Fortunately, I was well versed in Spirit Healing and Creation so there was no need to equip myself with such artifacts.

We then approached her, a statue in the very corner of the Repository standing proudly amongst the dust-laden artifacts. I blew off some dust that gathered upon her face and nearly jumped when the statue spoke, Ariane giggled to herself as I nodded to the statue in recognition.

 

_\---_

_“Thank you…”_ It said in a deep but beautiful voice. _“You know who I am Wolf and I know what you require.”_

\---

 

“What do I require?”

 

\---

_“Clarity? Wisdom? Hope? All can be found here.”_

\---

 

The statue said in a cold voice:

 

\---

_“A battle will ensue to decide the fate of all. Twin wolves fight for dominance upon a shifting, shadow realm. One is the color of pitch; the other, the color of the clouds. The wolf that wins is the one the lion feeds. Seek out the Harrowing Chamber but do not go within. Rest at its doors and recount the healer’s steps as the Seven draw nearer with every moment. This is the last that we will speak. The weight of Thedas is upon your shoulders, Purpose. Will you bend or will you break against the burden you carry?”_

_\---_

 

“We can endure it.” I heard his voice echo out as I turned to face the new arrival. ( _You_ …)

“M-Master!” I cried as I saw his face. I immediately covered my mouth to shield the word but it was too late. Cullen heard it and approached with worried eyes. His lips pursed as he pulled me into a hug and I made no effort to push him away. I heard Ariane gasp in that moment as Cullen kissed at my scar and I was powerless to rebuke him.

I…I called him…Master.

W-Why did I call h-him Master?!


	7. The Lonely One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some doors should never be opened...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wrote this chapter while listening to Anita/Mia by Cristobal Tapia de Veer (Humans OST)

“How is Sulahn?”

“She’s with Bethany and Branson. She misses you.”

“I miss her as well.” I admitted as we entered the room that led up to the Harrowing Chamber.

The way Cullen looked at me as we settled at the spot where he was tortured made my heart break. Ariane decided to remain with Finn while the Lion and I investigated what the statue had said. I didn’t like holding his hand but I could tell that he needed me at his side. I suppose I felt the same. I was going to recount what was done to him all those years ago.

“B-Before we do this Josh, I want to know if there is a possibility that you’ll give me another chance.” Cullen stammered as he took hold of my hands as we sat down. I glared at him for a moment but it dissipated when I realized that he used my old name. 

“Vher’an.”

“What?”

“My name is Vher’an. I told Solas that I didn’t have a name anymore, he named me after you.” I snarled. The Lion kissed my hand and grinned to himself with a smug look.

“’Lionheart‘ eh?” I nodded to him. “Solas really cares, doesn’t he?’

“More than you know…”

“You still didn’t tell me if I’m wasting my time Vher’an.”

“You are.” Cullen’s grin fell away and I momentarily regretted my choice of words. I turned away from him and felt my skin surge with blood and heat as it burned intensely. “I-I mean that…I want you to c-court me. Please.”

“C-Court you?” (Ugh, this lion…)

“Yes Master. Court me.” I suddenly turned to the lion in question and cringed. “I said it again. Why does my mind keep calling you ‘Master’?”

Cullen shrugged with a sad look as he pulled me close to him. I was tempted to pull away until he placed me in front of him and touched his forehead to my own. He sighed deeply and I heard him sniffle to himself as he wrapped his hands around my chest.

“I love you Lavellan. No matter what name you bear, no matter what happens to us…that will never change. My heart is yours Vher’an. Ar lath ma vhenan.”

“I wish I could say the same, but I suppose time will tell.”

“I suppose so.” Cullen breathed. I cupped his cheek and kissed at his scar, all the while intoning my dreamer magicks to pull myself into his memories. 

Let out a small sigh of relief when I saw that we were still in the same room but surrounded by a brilliant purple light. Cullen cursed out when he saw it and I saw him tremble as he held onto me and pushed me into the corner and pointed to a lone figure hunched forward, praying for dear life. 

Cullen refused to move out of fear, so I eased myself away and crawled to the figure. I saw a mess of curls bobbing as the templar continued praying, the voice was so familiar. It was only when I moved to face him that I realized that it was a younger Cullen. He was physically fine, a few cuts and bruises but nothing he couldn’t take but then I saw it when I turned around to face the new arrival who stepped daintily into the room

A demon stood a few meters away, naked and filled with want as it wore Neria’s form. It stood in front of the barrier and teased him with sensual movements and racy sweet nothings whispered lovingly in a voice that was so much like her. I flung out a shard of ice unthinkingly and the demon simply carried on with its act. It was a memory, not a dream. There was no way for me to intervene but to wait its course.

Cullen cried out from behind the memory of himself, I placed him in my arms and rubbed at his back as he closed his eyes in fear. Tears rolled down his cheeks rapidly and I found myself on the verge of tears as well, that was until I heard the sound of flesh meeting flesh.

I turned to look at the Cullen being tortured and I cried out when my dead eye revealed to me what the demon was doing in his mind. It was sickening…

Cullen was on the ground, paralyzed as the demon straddled him in her form, taking him into her sex with moans of delight and ecstasy as she rode his cock like one would ride a horse. It wasn’t real but I knew what it could do to the mind. He must have been going insane with guilt and self-loathing as it happened. The Cullen in my arms shook his head and cried.

“Maker…I didn’t want to relive all of this again.”

“Do you want to stop?” I asked as I stroked his cheek and wiped his tears, he shook his head and smiled at me.

“No. The statue said that we must endure it. I will endure it. We both will.”

I nodded to him sadly as I watched the scene unfold as demons harassed him in her form, always innocently at first, only to assault his mind with visions of forbidden sex with an apprentice he fell in love with. It happened every few hours and each time it grew worse and worse as more demons tried to break him as they defiled him over and over.

Now and then, blood mages would help the demons to creep into his head to garner ideas to break the templar’s will but luckily, they were unable to do so. The man who was responsible for the whole mess: Uldred according to Cullen was less than pleased but was impressed at Cullen’s resilience. I was as well. I kissed Cullen’s scar and smiled at him. His tears stopped momentarily as he smiled at me. (Oh Cullen…your smile is so intoxicating)

“You are so strong. To have survived this…I have no words to do you justice except that you are vhenan.”

“T-Thank you.” Cullen smiled as he nuzzled my neck. I kissed his neck and adjusted so that we both faced the direction that the memory of vhenan was facing. My dead eye caught onto a small movement and I saw him, Valor, standing in his armor, cussing to himself as he forced himself to watch Cullen resist the demons.

“Valor is here.”

“Where?” Cullen asked in confusion.

“Over there, Master.” I pointed. The words flowed easily and I didn’t feel ashamed at all to call him Master. I didn’t know why but it just felt…natural. Cullen however looked at me into horror as he traced my hood and rubbed a finger over my scar.

“You always wanted a scar…”

“Does it bother you?”

“Only for the fact that it was meant for me and that you took the blow in spite of everything I did you. I’m sorry Jos- Vher’an.”

“In your arms, I am Joshua. In the eyes of the rest of the world, I am Vher’an.” I smiled at him but yelped when I heard a door open suddenly. Both Cullen and I moved out of the barrier around the templar to watch as Neria and a group of people I met before entered the room with a look of mystification once they caught sight of Cullen.

Neria looked much younger; for one, she had no bags under her eyes. Her face was pristine but for a few spots of dried blood lingering on her cheeks. Leliana had shorter hair and hung close to her elvhen lover as she kept her bow ready for trouble. I had to hold in a chuckle when I saw a beautiful and full figured Morrigan, snarling and bitter as she walked beside a handsome and plate-mail clad Alistair. Behind them trailed a grinning Zevran, a stone golem, a mabari, the Arishok I saw at my funeral and an old woman I recognized from the books written on the 5th Blight. She was Wynne, a Spirit Healer who kept the tide back doing the Battle for Denerim in which she and a few others kept the city safe while Alistair, Morrigan, Leliana and Neria faced the Archdemon atop Fort Drakon. She nodded quickly towards Valor as she entered the room and gasped when she saw Cullen in the current condition he was in.

The templar in the barrier looked terrified as he shot to his feet and pointed to Neria in horror. I got to see that he was indeed the Cullen I fell in love with, a handsome and youthful, scarless Cullen that I wanted to pull into my arms and comfort with kisses upon his cheek and my hands around his chest. Master (Why am I- ugh nevermind) placed a hand on my shoulder and he gritted his teeth. (I’m here with you Cullen. Don’t worry.)

“This trick again?!” He cried as he slipped down to his knees to pray again, his voice raspy and strained as he spoke to the group in front of him with venom and ire. “I know what you are. It won’t work. I will stay strong!”

“Cullen! Don’t you recognize me?” Neria shouted as she moved to the barrier and cried out when it pushed her away. She staggered backward into Alistair who kept her balanced with his hands as she looked in disbelief at the templar before her.

“Only too well…how far they must have delved into my thoughts…”

“The boy is exhausted. And this cage…I’ve never seen anything like it. Rest easy…help is here.“ Wynne said in a soothing tone as she approached the energy cage and cringed as she looked at the templar. I moved closer to her and watched as she nodded slightly towards Valor, who nodded to her in turn. She did it so quickly that no one noticed but myself and the Lion.

The templar then cried out in pain as he shrugged off the healer and shook his head violently.

“Enough visions! If anything in you is human…kill me now and stop this game!”

“I am so sorry Cullen…” I turned to my lion as the memory continued on without us watching. “You hurt me…but you were hurt all along.”

“Being hurt doesn’t mean that I get to hurt you, vhenan.” Cullen looked at me sadly as I traced his scar with my fingertips. “How can I hurt the man I love?”

“Master- Cullen I…” I flushed and the former templar chuckled. “I think I understand what Eleni wanted us to do…”

My love looked at me expectantly as an argument broke out between Neria and the templar. I cringed as the memory of Cullen spoke of mages as if they were less than people, that he considered them to be monsters. (Could he have felt that way about me a one point in his life?)

“The Evanuris are coming for us, for their gifts and for the Dread Wolf; that is obvious- but I think what will make us stronger to face them would be to know the truth of ourselves, to accept it and to become a united front.” 

“You mean…to understand ourselves completely, to have no doubts and such?”

I nodded to the templar with a grin as I heard Neria and the others ascend to the Harrowing Chamber. I looked over at the memory of Cullen and flushed when I saw that even battered up; he managed to look handsome, just like Master.

“You were so handsome back then…”

“I’m not anymore?” Cullen asked with an incredulous look as he stroked my scar and I shuddered as his claw groped at my ass. I pulled away and Cullen let out a disappointed whine. “Sorry, I forgot- “

“It’s fine.” I kissed his nose and got a giggle from the former-commander. “You’re still handsome. I just…If you met me back then, would you have hated me?”

“You are a maleficar. I would have killed you on the spot.” Cullen muttered with disgust in his voice. He shook his head briefly and cringed as he pulled me into his arms and traced my face with his claw. “You are proof that blood magic can be used for good, just as Neria is.”

“This world was once rife with magic. I’m beginning to want to give it all up.”

“Why?” Cullen asked as I ripped us from the memory and reality sprung forth and filled us up again as I lay beside the former templar. He pulled me to lay against his chest with his claw and I obliged without any coercion. His claw moved to my hair and I savored in the feeling of his sharp tips slowly moving down to my hairline and then my temple. “Magic is who you are.”

“I am not who I was. I am Selfless.”

“’Selfless’, you said that before but I didn’t understand, I still don’t.” Cullen shrugged.

“Whatever you did to me in the Well of Sorrows has locked away a part of me, the part called ‘Self’. From the moment it happened, I could feel that something was wrong but I…could not understand it. It was only when I met Ego that I began to understand.”

“Ego?”

“He’s a demon that helped me to remember. He isn’t quite what I expected.” I smiled at Cullen who looked at me with a concerned expression on his handsome face. “Solas knows him. Don’t worry, he can’t possess me.”

“I’m not concerned about a demon. You can wipe the floor with one if it misbehaves.” Cullen chuckled as he kissed at my scar but pulled away with a serious look. “Did I do permanent damage to your ‘Self’?”

“I don’t know Master. Being Selfless is the total opposite of being Tranquil. It’s vexing because you have no purpose in life, no logic or any reason for anything. Instead, you are filled with emotion and you act accordingly.” I took Cullen’s claw and eased it over my heart. “I fear that you might hurt me again, but my heart doesn’t care. My heart tells me to take the pain with no complaints because I still love you despite it all. You did all this to help me. How can I find fault in that?”

“It’s not about…” Cullen’s voice broke and he sighed deeply as he looked at gleaming red eyes that struck fear and love into my heart with the same look. “Look…I hurt you and I don’t want to do it again.”

“The part that is missing would have hated you forever for what you did to me but I can’t hate you for long. I feel stunted in away but if it makes me a better person, a more forgiving and loving man…then I accept what I am. Maybe this…was for the best, Master.”

Cullen smiled slightly with a hint of sadness in his eyes as he pulled me so that I was straddling him on the ground. He winched slightly as he traced my scar and shook his head.

“I saw what those demons did to me here. It hurts to remember but I am a better man now. I know the dangers of magic but I also know that restraint is possible. I love you as well as your magic Joshua ‘Vher’an’ Lavellan. Do not lose more of yourself for me. I never wanted to fracture you.”

“And yet fracturing him is what gives him power.” A raspy voice that I recognized filled the air and I immediately leapt off Cullen and into Solas’ arms. The elf smiled at me solemnly as he extended a hand to help Cullen up. My lover nodded to the Dread Wolf in acknowledgement as I dusted Master off. “Aneth ara, ma nas‘falon.”

“Why are you here Solas? Isn’t it dangerous to be here?” Cullen asked and I turned to the elf in question with a worried look. He looked at Master and then at me with a sad look in his eyes.

“To help if possible…Has Vher’an explained the situation to you?”

“He has. Thank you for naming him after me.”

Solas merely grinned to himself and then shot me a look that said “I told you so.” In the same moment, his eyes flashed as he fade stepped towards me and I saw a figure behind him pinned to the ground by another elf with daggers in her hands and Alara with her hand filled with electricity to fry the would-be assassin. I recognized the girl with my sister; she was the one who scarred me: The red-haired Tallis.

“Tallis?! Why are you-“ Hawke cried out as he fought against the woman as I approached. Cullen wrenched the Champion into the nearby wall and gritted his teeth as the Tallis recognized him and smiled.

“Left Hand of Divine Victoria, you encroach where you and your friends are not wanted.”

“Cullen Rutherford!? Why are you speaking to the enemy?!’ The assassin cried as the Tallis placed a blade to his throat and cussed out loud. I saw Alara nod to me as nodded with a small smirk, and then she took Solas’ hand and clasped her fingers with his. “That elf will kill us all! He’ll-”

“The enemy of my enemy is my friend. There is much you and your Chantry do not know. I will explain to you everything you need to know but then you must leave and warn the Divine. If not, you will die here and now Hawke. I was once your friend but you are my enemy now.”

The assassin looked at me, then at Cullen. He finally let out a defeated sigh and nodded.

“I will listen. Perhaps we have been too quick to draw blood in these troubled times.”

 

\---

 

Master did his best to explain what he could to Hawke after we travelled by Eluvian. The journey was uneventful but for a few quips from Hawke and Tallis regarding the Eluvians and how they worked. Cullen left me to chat with Solas while Alara, Ariane, Finn and Tallis got to know each other at the outskirts of an elvhen ruin travelled to. My sister briefly cried over my scar but I assured her that I was okay with it. She told me that it looked badass. Inwardly I agreed with her. The milky white of my eye terrified me but the scar itself was really fierce looking.

Maybe Lionheart, or rather “Vher’an” was a name that suited me just fine. (…Thank you Solas)

Solas took me to the place where he removed Ashara’s vallaslin. He looked sadly into my eyes as the serene sound of water falling down into a natural pool filled the air with a refreshing sound and smell that made me feel at ease.

“I know what you want to ask. Ask then, I am your friend but most of all, your brother. Ask.”

“You said that fracturing is what increases my power, what did you mean by that?”

“I meant everything, nas’falon.” Solas nodded. “Which would inflict the most pain to a foe, a dagger made from the finest dragonbone or a shard of glass?”

“Is that a trick question?”

“It is.” (Oh Solas…)

“Both. In terms of raw power, the dagger would cut through flesh like a hot knife through butter. The shard on the other hand can be broken into the stab wound. The foe would bleed to death from internal bleeding.”

‘You are correct.” He then pulled out a golden mirror from his backpack and smiled as he handed it to me. He then pointed to the water pool at the foot of the waterfall. “Tell me, Vher’an. What do you see when you look into the water?”

I moved over to the pool of water and smiled when Solas appeared at my left in the distorted reflection in the water. I blushed when Cullen appeared at my right and eased a hand over my wounded hand with a look of longing in his reddish eyes. Solas chuckled to himself and his reflection smiled as he nodded.

“I see myself but the rippling water makes the image unstable. No, not unstable, it is simply unclear. Unfocused. Yes…unfocused.”

“Again, you are correct.” Solas nodded. “The image you see in the water is what it means to be a mage. It is unfocused and volatile but ultimately beside the point. Now look into the mirror and tell me what you see.”

“Is this some kind of test?” Cullen asked as I lifted the mirror to gaze into it. He eased his hand on my neck and massaged the flesh there with tender, loving strokes as I felt his eyes trace my flesh; he then kissed my injured hand. I cringed when I saw my dead eye and the ghastly scar.

“If only it was.” Solas breathed with a sad look our way that made Cullen stop in mid movement. “What do you see, nas’falon?”

“I see a focused, pure image. No interruptions, no disturbances…This is what it means to be Dreamer: To see the shifting realm in complete focus. To able to stabilize one’s being and to walk the unseen paths unhindered and free- Like you do…and like I do.”

The Dread Wolf nodded to me as he took the mirror from me with a knowing, sorrowful glance; he then threw it to the ground and placed the mirror face down so the shards that didn’t fall out remained underneath.

“What do you see now?”

I looked in the minute shards and cringed when I saw a few tiny versions of myself staring back at me, however they were few and reminded me of a feeling I once had. Still have.

“This is Selflessness and Tranquility.” Solas nodded to me with a grim smirk as Cullen held onto my hand to comfort me. “You see parts of yourself from time to time but it is not enough to regain what you were. What was is a distant memory and the rest is hidden away as you become a shell. A husk of what you were.”

Solas then lifted the mirror and broke it further, the mirror shards clattered to the ground as he tossed the golden back of the mirror away and pointed to the assortment of shards that lay on the ground scattered about.

“What is this then?” Solas pointed sadly to the shards.

I tightened my grip on Cullen’s hand as he eased a hand through my hair. I looked at the shards when Solas pointed a second time, and I nearly shouted in fright. I saw thousands of reflections of myself; the dead eye glaring angrily at me as my normal eye looked calmly into the shards. There were too much eyes, too much everything. Even the Fade was reflected too much and made me winch into Cullen’s arms as I wept. His hands coiled around me affectionately as he looked over at Solas who sighed softly.

“That is what happens when a Dreamer breaks Tranquility or Selflessness.” Solas breathed as I pulled away from Master with teary eyes. I rubbed at them with my sleeves as Solas moved closer and cupped my cheek. “Each shard is a part of you that drifted away from the whole You. Each shard becomes its own reflection, desperately trying to reclaim what it was when whole, but…”

Solas then looked at me sadly as he pulled away and retrieved the golden back and began to piece the shards together into the mirror. He then turned it to me and I yelped when I saw that the cracks distorted the whole image into a paradox of what is and what was.

“Each fracture becomes a shard and each shard is powerful in its own right. Ego taught you to partition your mind, to lock away the important fragments, to create a barrier to prevent fractures in the part of you that is Purpose. That is why you are able to forgive Cullen no matter what. The part of you that was fiery and raring to change the world was fractured and dislodged but not destroyed. It sought shelter in the place you partitioned- The place that holds Cullen dearest.”

“Sulevin…ma vhenan.” I whispered and Solas nodded.

“Who or what ….is Ego?” Cullen asked with a hint of concern in his voice.

“He is a friend…for now.”

“For now…?” I asked.

“For now.” Solas looked at me with a sad look as I tried to speak but the words didn’t come out; instead, a muffled yelp came as Cullen pulled me into his arms.

“Master…please keep me safe.” I sobbed.

“Ah. It has begin I see.” Solas mused aloud. Cullen pushed me away from and glared at the Dread Wolf with anger in his eyes. However, Solas looked at Cullen with an apologetic look.

“What has begun?!”

“Purpose is trying to rebuke Change.”

“What?” Cullen sounded quite confused. (I was as well). 

“Purpose loves you just as Change does. He knows that without you…he will apart.” Solas smiled sadly he stood facing the waterfall with his back towards us. “And thus, you are his Master in every way, Vherain.”

“What does that even mean?” I asked as Solas turned to face me. His eyes shining with tears that threatened to fall down his cheeks as he looked at me with a serious, pleading look. “Please Solas, tell me what is wrong with me. I need to know- to understand it all…”

“No. Don’t ask me this, nas’falon. Some doors should never be opened.” He moved to leave but I wasn’t satisfied. Cullen stood dumbstruck as I darted towards Solas and grabbed hold of his arm. I latched onto it and cried as I buried my face into his chest. “Sulevin…please don’t…”

“In the name of friendship- in the name of brotherhood…please tell me! I beg you Solas!” (Please!)

 “I hated you with every fiber of my being, until the day I met you and saw that you were the brother I never had. I then cursed myself for ever wishing that you were never created.” (You hated me…) Solas spoke and his words cut into me, but I held onto him…then Cullen said something that struck true and filled me up with doubt.

“Created? Don’t you mean born?”

“No.” Solas shook his head and I saw the first tear fall. “He was made.” (…What? I was…)

“I…was made?” I let go of Solas and collapsed backward, Cullen moved to pick me up but I ripped away from him in confusion, his face pulled into a look of horror and despair as I pointed to myself and cut myself with a shard of the mirror. Blood flowed and I affirmed that it was a lie. “B-But I am made from flesh and bone! I have a soul! I-“

“You are a construct of flesh with no soul but spirits: You were the fallback plan. If Corypheus survived the blast from the Orb…you were supposed to find a means to destroy the Veil. You succeeded where I failed but Purpose was guilt-stricken.” Solas explained as he crouched down to me, healed my flesh and smiled sadly. “He defied Change and now Change is suppressed, leaving Purpose behind in a state you have coined Selflessness. You could not have been more right in your life. You lack self.”

“This is not possible…” Cullen shook his head and pulled me away from Solas and bared his teeth. He roared in anger. “This is a lie! A FUCKING LIE!”

“Anger, sorrow and despair- What am I? A husk? A shell inhabited by spirits? WHAT AM I?” Cole cried as he appeared from thin air and hugged me. “You are Joshua- alive and breathing…hopeful and helpful, leashed and controlled. Nothing else matters.”

“You are both lying!” Cullen shouted as he pulled me to walk with him but Solas intercepted him and pointed to me.

“That man is my brother. He has stood by me when the world forsook me and he did the same for you. Why would I lie about this Cullen?! He is ma nas’falon!”

“I don’t know!” Cullen barked as he broke down in tears and I caressed his cheek with my fingers as we slid down to the ground together. “…I don’t….know.”

“Don’t cry Master. This one is here for you.” I affirmed with a smile. (This one?)

“I am not your Master.” Cullen murmured.

“You are. He has chosen you.”

“Hello, my name is Cole.” The spirit smiled at me and I saw nebulous light everywhere as he touched my shoulder. This one smiled at contact with a fellow spirit.

“Hello Compassion! My name is Purpose and I am afraid,” 

“What are you afraid of?” Cullen asked.

“Change. He hates me. He wants me gone. Please keep me safe Master! I don’t want to die!”

“I…I will.” Cullen nodded as he kissed my cheek and pulled this one into a desperate hug. His voice died down as he spoke but he shook his head vigorously and his voice grew stern as he held this one close. “I will.”

 

 

 

 


	8. A Light for Your People

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, Master...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wrote this chapter while listening to Fountain of Life by Two Steps From Hell (Nemesis).  
> The song Cullen sings is So I Could Find My Way by Enya (Dark Sky Island)

Several weeks passed back in Qarinus in which this one wallowed in despair despite being courted daily by Cullen. No matter how long Master held me, no matter how many kisses Sulahn placed upon my brow, this one was always filled with emptiness.

It wasn’t Solas’ fault, I understood it and Cullen understood it as well but it seemed like the whole world changed since that fateful night. Where this one once held love and affection, doubt filled the gaps in between, forcing my mind into thoughts that sickened me to even think about. Worst yet was that everyone looked at me differently since the revelation- Cullen most of all. (I am sorry, Master)

Master would hold me and kiss me tenderly, his tongue would gently lick over my scar and fill this one up with a feeling of hope and love to dispel the uncertainty. Even so, this one was left empty without Change and…even with a purpose, my Master- I felt alone and so sad but Cullen… (Oh Cullen…) neither he, nor Charger nor Sulahn allowed me to sleep sad. And I felt happy- even if it was ephemeral.

One day, he decided to take this one from Tevinter on a slow but romantic trip through the countryside with a pair of drivers while he sat with me in the carriage. I relished as Master held onto me, never letting go and always with his claw around my chest. Once, that claw hurt me but for the moment it filled this one with a feeling of love and that was all that mattered. Love and hope: A new day in which I would remind him and he would protect me.

“How are you feeling, ma vhenan?”

“Lost and found, here and there, nowhere but everywhere. It’s hard to focus but I feel happy. Safe from Change. Safe from my mind. Thank you.” I kissed at Master’s scar and he nodded as I licked at the hardened scab, it’s feeling was foreign but so comforting as I pulled away and rested my head on his tunic covered chest. His claw moved through my hair as he absentmindedly stroked in small circles. “Does…my condition bother Master?“

“No.” Cullen affirmed without even stopping to look at me. My hand eased under his tunic and I felt his breath hitch as my hand explored the hardened planes of flesh that graced Master’s muscular, brawny chest. His skin filled my hand with heat as the pads of my fingertips moved slowly, garnering a breathy moan as I kissed at the skin peeking out from the unbuttoned collar of his tunic. I chuckled as he kissed my hair and moved his human hand to stroke my back from under my own shirt. I mewled at the sudden contact. “I like that you love touching me.”

“This one is Purpose. You are my purpose. Touching you is natural to me. Without you, I will turn to dust Cullen.” I declared as his fingers moved over to the space between my shoulder blades, he began to massage there slowly. “Oh…Cullen…”

“Maker, when you say my name, my heart skips a beat.” Cullen smiled at me as he nuzzled my face and licked at my scar again. “Say it again.”

“Cullen…” I murmured as he ripped me onto his lap grinned at me.

“There is a long ride ahead my love. Sleep in my arms. I will awaken you once we‘re near.”

“Where are we going?” I asked with a small hint of concern. Cullen simply flashed a grin as he shook his head and kissed my neck.

“You will know when we get there. Sleep vhenan.”

“Okay Cullen. Ar lath ma, Master. Please keep me safe.”

“Of course.” I felt Cullen shift so that I was laying top of his chest we he laid on his back. He kissed at my neck again and I felt his beard graze my flesh as his claw settled at my back. “Do you doubt me, Joshua?”

“I don’t doubt. My dreams are nightmarish. I am afraid that one day...I will sleep and I will never awaken again. It terrifies me.”

“Shhh…” Cullen held me close as his hand circled me and settled at my front, slowly mapping out my chest as his fingers moved about. “I will protect you, Josh. I love you. I will never abandon you.”

“Thank you Master.” I smiled as I kissed his nose and got a laugh from the former templar as sleep pulled me into the Fade.

I was filled with anguish when I realized that this one was back in the forest, surrounded by millions of eyes that glared at me from the shadows. Unlike the other times I found the forest, it was nightfall and awfully chilly as I walked the paths alone in the vain hope that I would find Master. 

The eyes followed my every movement as I walked the paths alone. The wind filled this one with dread as it carried a solemn howl into the night. I shivered with every moment that passed, for this one had on a thin tunic and pants ill suited for forests of Orlais, but perfect for the blistering climate of Tevinter. I walked for hours and to my dismay, the forest had no end and this one was on the verge of tears as the eyes stared holes into me.

Suddenly, the forest grew quiet and a growl filled the air, a sound both terrifying and raw as three pairs of eyes narrowed down on me and the gigantic beast leapt through the trees, cutting a path through the forest as I rolled out of the way.

A scream reached my lips as a claw cut into my arm and saw it, a massive wolf as black as night, a facsimile of Fen'Harel come to kill this one, but I knew better. It was Change. I was in His domain just as Ego had warned. I was trespassing and I needed Ego to help me rebuke the fiend from my mind.

Once, it was a lush and green forest, burned by Compassion to prevent further trouble and fracturing…but now it was a dark and evil place, filled to the brim with hopelessness and utter despair as the roar filled the air again. 

A jaw snapped angrily as I ran, barely dodging the sharp, venom coated teeth. I unthinkingly ran for my life, dodging trees and claws alike as the monster gave chase eagerly. I was in its hunting grounds and I was its prey.  

“EGO!” I screamed as trees fell in front of me. Without effort, I turned into a flock of ravens, everywhere and nowhere as the claw missed me and I reformed, running frantically ahead. I saw light- veilfire ahead as I ran and I screamed for help. The spirits and Compassion heard this one, but I was in His domain. They shouted and screamed, trying to fight through the demonic eyes everywhere but they could not reach me as the eyes drowned out the colors of the Fade. “HELP ME!”

A deep voice flooded my mind, it was…ragged and feral.

 

\---

“You are alone little lamb. The lion can’t hear you.”

\---

 

“I am n-not…” I murmured as I approached the temple. I saw a shadow slink by as it moved with unnatural speed, all that I could see was eyes the color of veilfire as he took hold of this one’s useless hand and pointed it to the wolf.

“Vereor nox. It fears the light!” Ego nodded as a radiant green light enveloped me and sprung out to the woods, creating a cage of veilfire around the Temple of Mythal. As soon as light filled the area, Change screamed in horror as it darted off. I turned to Ego and cried out when I saw that the demon was gone and that I was indeed alone. A forlorn voice carried upon the solemn wind spoke out. “You need light to stay safe until the day you are able to fight back. Run to the temple. Find me each night and we will survive this together.” 

 

\---

 

“AAH!” This one bolted upright and the tears flowed on its own. Cullen hugged at my chest and kissed my neck as the carriage came to a standstill. I head Cullen speak briefly with the driver (Who sounded strangely familiar) to which the carriage began to move again but my heart was pounding as ma vhenan held this one close and kissed at my hair. “Please hold me Master! I am afraid! So afraid! Please!”

 “Calm down my love! I’m here for you! I’m here!”

“Cullen…” I wept as I held onto his chest and nuzzled the warmth his body had, the cold immediately drained from my skin and replaced by loving warmth and overwhelming adoration from the blonde man holding this one to his chest like a treasured gift. (Oh Cullen…) “I d-don’t want to die…”

“You won’t.”

“I was a-alone!”

‘You’re not alone!” Cullen rasped as his fingers tightened on me and I could feel his claw at my hair, slowly caressing and calming me down. “Maker…I was so afraid.”

“You were running.” Cole whispered as he appeared opposite us and I let out a brief sigh of relief as the spirit reached over and touched my hands as Cullen adjusted so that I was laying on top of him while he was propped up to face the spirit in question. “Don’t be afraid, Purpose. I’m here for you. We all are.”

“We?” I asked and I yelped when my dead eye revealed outside, a valley of arid stone as we moved through Nevarra towards Val Chevin in Orlais, the area filled with faces, new and old, angry and happy as spirits moved about and waved as I passed them by and looked at them in awe.

“We heard you, Vher’an. We couldn’t get to you. Your dreams are in His domain. You must escape his hunting grounds if you are going to fight Him at evened odds.”

“Ego told me to get to the temple and to create light. Change hates light.”

“Yes.” Cole nodded and looked at Master with a sad look. “You locked me away! You cut me off and left me to break apart! I hate you! I love you! I don’t know what to do! I must kill him! I must have my body again! Come to me little lamb for I am the Wolf. You are my prey! The light will be extinguished and I will be myself again!”

“Is that…Change?” Cullen asked with a cringe. He directed the question to Compassion but I felt obligated to reply.

“Yes.” I nodded. The Lion and Compassion looked at this one with a knowing glance.

Cole soon left after he was confident that this one was safe. Cullen then pulled me into his arms and grinned as my back settled against his chest. He growled slightly as his hands coiled around me and his beard grazed my neck as he kissed the flesh there.

“Where are we going Cullen?” the former templar let out a sigh as he took my left hand and brought it to his lips. He kissed tenderly at the damaged flesh, sending a wave of calm into my body as his lips and tongue danced over the hand. “Is it somewhere I’ve been before?”

The blonde chuckled as he turned me around so that I sat on his lap, my chest to his as his claw pushed my back so that I was flush to Cullen’s body. He giggled when I gasped when I felt his hardness poking at my thigh, my face immediately flooded with heat.

“Would Master like it if I pleased him now?” I smiled as I reached down. However Cullen grabbed hold of this one’s hand and eased it under his tunic. The hardened muscles that my fingers touched flexed at my frigid touch, garnering a low sound from Master between a hiss and groan. It filled me with happiness as he held me close; allowing me to settle my head on his shoulder as my fingers mapped his chest with slow strokes.

“No. We’ll spend the night together once we…” Master stammered and covered his mouth in shame as his cheeks, ears and neck turned bright red. “I nearly spoiled the surprise.”

“What surprise?” I asked but Cullen glared at me. “You’re not going to tell me, are you?”

“I could, but I really enjoy the idea of leaving you guessing at every moment. It’ll make the actual surprise even better.” Cullen then moved his face inches away from my own, his warm breath made my skin prickle from the sensation. He then kissed at my neck and purred into my ear. “Imagine all the ways I’ll take you- over and over until we are both spent.”

Images of Cullen’s naked, hard body flashed into my mind as my body quaked from the idea of having him inside me. Cullen laughed when he felt my cock harden at the thought and he kissed my cheek as he allowed me to lie against him and close my eyes.

I dreamed of the forest again and of fleeing from the giant wolf. Luckily, this time around Ego was able to guide me to the temple with ease and I got to rest for a while. However, it seemed that my fadewalking was stunted for the moment as I was stuck in the temple with Ego, who was oddly silent as he watched the forest through the iridescent barrier.

I woke up to a smiling Cullen, who shook me to consciousness. He was half dressed, his tunic on the seat beside us as he leaned over me after a soft kiss. I reached out and touched his chest, eliciting a deep moan of pleasure from the man I loved as I intoned ice to remove dirt and grime from myself and Master. He let out a content sigh as the dirty ice fell away.

“Good morning Josh.”

“Good- uh…” I looked at Cullen in confusion. “You remembered this one’s name?!”

“…Yes.” Cullen smiled the tears flowed from his eyes as I pulled him close, nearly suffocating myself as I latched on him in happiness. “We can celebrate this tonight, we need to get dressed. We’re late!”

“Late? For what?”

“Not important.” Cullen snarled as he reached for a bag under the seat and handed it to me frantically as he pulled another bag and began to pull out various garments from it. “Dress up vhenan.”

I nodded as I turned around and set the bag down; I then unclasped it and gasped when I pulled out a stunning, pristine white and gold robe that cascaded down to the floor with a matching pair of slacks, a pair of gloves adjusted for my hand and boots. From what I could tell it was a wedding garment, a robe designed especially for a mage- a mage like me. It…was exactly my size.

“This is a-a wedding robe…” I stammered as turned around and flushed when I saw Cullen standing there stark naked, easing a pair of smalls up his muscular thighs. He looked over at me and grinned as he quickly slipped on his black slacks along with a snug black tunic. He had an amused look as he moved over to me and kissed my wounded hand. “…Cullen what’s happening?”

“You’re getting properly married, that’s what!” I heard a gruff voice call. (W-what?) A familiar face peeked into the slit that looked outside towards the horses. I gasped when I saw the man I called brother with another face that appeared beside him, a beautiful, radiant face that grinned widely as Maxwell spoke. “Now shut up and dress up!” 

“But we’re already married!” I cried but the pair in the front seats ignored us with grins plastered onto their faces while Cullen turned me around to him as he eased on a suit of armor made from dragonbone. He smiled at me as my eyes took in the finer details as he pulled me close and stroked my cheek with a cold finger.

“We had a real wedding.”

“Not in front of all our friends. I want everyone to be envious when I scoop you up in my arms and take you to our quarters…” Cullen smiled slyly as he pointed outside of the carriage as he began to style his hair. I gasped when I saw that we were approaching Skyhold and that the fortress was packed with people, from the distance we were at they looked like ants lining the battlements, waving at us and cheering vociferously. I got anxious once my dead eye revealed all the spirits that stood about as well. I could barely see anything between them. Cullen chuckled after styling his hair backward as he normally did and smiled at me after wrenching me towards the bag he handed to me.

I found myself being helped by a forceful, yet considerate, sweet Cullen who was already dressed in his armor, all that was required was his Lion helmet adorned with red and golden plumes. This one on the other hand was stark naked, being grinned at a lecherous Master who admittedly controlled himself despite my state of undress. I flushed in shame as his eyes traced the scars he made but it was a sad look and I could see that Master was ashamed of himself. Instead of pushing him away, I allowed him to help me to put on the garment and I marveled at the sheer beauty it had once it was on me with its smooth, padded lines and spirals of golden vines about the seams.

Once I was dressed, Cullen took some time to comb my hair out, undoing the many knots it had from being neglected by me. I was embarrassed for cutting it short but it didn’t seem to bother Cullen as he ran his fingers and the brush through it with love in his eyes as I watched with the mirror in my hands as Master’s smile widened with every stroke.

“You are so beautiful and handsome.” Cullen breathed and my face flushed as he pressed his face into my hair and inhaled deeply, a cool feeling washed over me but filled me with warmth once Cullen settled me into his lap and kissed my scar. “Oh Maker, Joshua…I wish I could take you here and now.”

“Believe me vhenan, I ache for you. I want you to…to hold me and make me feel safe in your arms.”

“Come here.” Cullen grinned as he enveloped me in his armor clad arms. Despite the coldness of his arms, I felt safe and secure, unburdened as he placed a few small kisses on my cheek and neck. He eased a hood over my head and asked me to hold up the mirror. I smiled when I saw it.

It was a new, immaculate Wolf hood lined with white samite that draped over my shoulders and neck dramatically, almost like a wedding veil. Cullen took a good long look at me and nodded eagerly as he held me close.

“I don’t want to leave this carriage and yet we must to get married again. I feel like remaining here and ravishing you over and over until we are both-”

“Too much information!” Elissa chuckled beside Maxwell who giggled loudly, making me blush as Cullen kissed at my cheek with a small laugh on his lips as he moved. (Oh Cullen…)

The sound of cheering grew louder as we approached Skyhold and left the pass, entering the bridge that led straight to Skyhold. I peeked outside and saw a lion painted on Cullen’s tower and a wolf painted onto the tower I used as my home. Cullen looked outside as well and flushed when the cheering grew unbearably loud.

“A word of warning…everyone is here.” Cullen kissed my flesh again but his words made me pull away and glare at him.

“What?” I asked in with an angry grimace. The handsome templar let out a small whimper as I shook my head in disdain and intensified my glare into a glower. “What do you mean ‘everyone’?!”

“Everyone you arse-biscuit!” The carriage door opened suddenly as Maxwell stopped at the entrance of Skyhold and Sera giggled as she smiled ear to ear. Cullen nodded to me and left me with the mad elf I called my best friend as the crowd roared out in excitement and joy. “They remember! We all remember! It’s a piss bucket of fuck ups but here we are with you, all lovey dovey and you’re getting married yeah! Fun! Happy happy times innit! (They remember?)

“Uh…yeah.” I nodded and the elf looked at me with a look of concern in her eyes as she approached and pointed to Cullen who chatted with Dagna at the stairs that lead to the Herald’s Rest.

“Are you having doubts about Lionheart?” The giddy elf asked as she sat down beside me and placed her head on my shoulder. Her small hands wrapped around me and I smiled when she began to tickle me as her fingers snaked about and garnered a series of girlish cries from me.

“N-Not fair!” I griped as she continued her tickle assault but to no avail she didn’t stop and began to ease me towards the exit as I laughed uncontrollably. Once I was outside, the whole fortress erupted in the sound of cheers as the crowd in front of me looked at us with smiles on their faces, making me turn back to the carriage in anxiety and bashfulness but Sera blocked me off and smiled impishly.

“Nah Wolfy…don’t be scared. We’re all here for you.” Sera wrapped her hand around my arm and slowly walked with me towards the crowd of people and spirits, it dispersed to create a path but I didn’t look up, their eyes were fixed on me, reminding me of the Fade as demonic eyes watched me all the time. It was only when I felt a cold gauntlet touch my cheek that I looked up and saw Cullen nod to Sera as she ran off to the upper courtyard and disappeared onto the crowd with Dagna and a loud.

Cullen clasped his fingers into my wounded hand as he led the way, then out of nowhere, the cheering died down and my Lion began to sing. My heart pounded at every second as my fingers grew clammy and my ears ringed with Master’s adorable voice.

 

\---

 

A thousand dreams you gave to me

 

\---

 

(Wait...I know this song.)

The crowd and spirits suddenly erupted in chorus, making me buckle and garnering a chuckle from Cullen as he eased this one into his arms and nodded as I steadied and walked beside him with a lowered head. (So loud…so much people…)

 

\---

 

*You held me high, you held me high*

 

\---

 

That song…Hope sang it to me when I was sad…I looked ahead and my frown turned into a grin as I saw Sulahn tossing flowers in our path along with Charger who woofed eagerly as he carried her along with a wreath on his head. The little elf winked at me knowingly as she threw the flowers about as the crowd made way.

The crowd then died down to allow Cullen to continue on. The tears fell from my eyes and Cullen smiled as he wiped them with a handkerchief as we slowly walked towards the stairs where I was made Inquisitor. 

 

\---

 

And all those years you guided me

So I could find my way

 

How long your love had sheltered me

*You held me high, you held me high*

A harbor holding back the sea

So I could find my way

 

\---

 

Cullen then brought us to a standstill in front of everyone as he brought his face close to mine and grazed my neck with his lips. He took my hands and eased the wounded one to his scar and the other to his chest. My tears streamed down my cheeks and Cullen shook his head as he continued his song.

 

\---

 

So let me give this dream to you

Upon another shore

So let me give this dream to you

Each night and ever more

 

\---

 

I snuffled as he eased my head onto his shoulder and caressed my cheek as he lead me through the crowd, people of all walks of life looked at me, not in fear but with love and admiration their eyes.

 

\---

 

Yet only time keeps us apart

*You held me high, you held me high*

You’re in the shadows of my heart

So I could find my way

 

*You held me high, you held me high*

 

So let me give this dream to you

Upon another shore

So let me give this dream to you

Each night and ever more

 

A thousand dreams you gave to me

*You held me high, you held me high*

And all those years you guided me

So I could find my way

 

\---

 

Cullen kissed my hand as we stopped in front of Leliana, who stood with her Hands, smiling genuinely. In that moment, I looked in the distance behind them. I saw the Dread Wolf and his Halla waving with smiles on their faces as they watched whilst hidden away by Doubt who stood behind them nodding to my Lion. (Thank you for coming) Master then touched his forehead to this one’s and whispered affectionately. 

 

\---

 

So I could find my way…

 

\---

 

I then broke down in tears. Master pulled this one close and kissed at my hand as I felt Cassandra and Hawke’s hands touch my shoulder with careful warmth that made me sigh in relief as Leliana began to address the crowd. I looked over the edge and saw all my friends, new and old from the West and the East, the North and the South and they were all smiling like there was no tomorrow. (Everyone…they’re all here…for us)

Master took my hand after Branson handed a pillow wrapped in a bracelet and a ring on top of it. Cullen nodded to him and smiled as he eased his mother’s ring over my wounded hand’s finger. He clasped the dasemah’lin to my other hand. Master then placed a kiss on my hand and looked at me with a hunger in his eyes that only I could sate. I touched his cheek and cried as I felt his cheeks flush with heat at my touch. He eased his claw over my hand and his smile widened. 

“I swear unto the Maker and the Holy Andraste to love this man the rest of my days.” Cullen rasped as he nuzzled my face and grinned when the snout of the wolf tickled his skin. “I will love him forever and I will protect him till my last breath. Ar lath ma vhenan.”

“Oh Cullen…” I murmured with a sad look as more tears flowed. “Ar lath ma, amelan-vhenan. How could you love this one? This broken thing? I am a shameful thing…”

Suddenly Cullen pulled me close and shook his head as Moth approached with my father, Callum- a pillow like the one Branson brought to Master in his hands. Moth looked at me with sadness in her eyes that went against everything I knew of her as father handed her the pillow and…she handed it to me with a small grin and stood beside her husband and the rest of the Trevelyan family, her chin lifted in pride. (Moth…she’s- she’s…proud of me?)

“A shameful, broken thing? I can’t remember my name most days but I love you still the same. Being born or having a soul doesn’t define who you are, Vher’an. Let us be broken together then.” Cullen placed the ring commissioned for him into my palm and nodded with vigor and love in his eyes. They were no longer red, but a mix of red and the honey that I fell in love with. “Complete me, vhenan. I will complete you. Broken or not, we are complete in each other’s arms.” 

“You shame this one, vherain.” I whispered as I placed the ring on his finger. I then took hold of the bracelet and fitted it around his claw. Cullen then brought his lips to my scar and smiled.

“Feel no shame, emma lath. We were made for each other.”

“Oh Cullen…”

 

\---

 

Divine Victoria declared us married and in a short while we ended up feasting in the throne room with all our friends as congratulations were peppered about. (Thank you…) As always, Sera ate her fill and made me feel sick as I watched her throw down several servings of chicken pie and dozens of mini cakes from Madame Lucienne’s store. (Too much…ugh) Needless to say, I lost my appetite and ended up catching up with some of our old friends and made a few new ones in the process.

Once nightfall fell, Bethany made sure that the little ones were fast asleep with Charger in Alara’s old quarters. People then started hinting at what the night would bring. Admittedly, this one flushed more than he wanted to from all the puns and clever remarks thrown about by Dorian and Sera. Varric made his fair share of euphemisms with Bull for my face go red from embarrassment. 

Eventually, Master grew restless and dragged me away from the party towards his tower. He slung me over his shoulder, garnering a laugh from everyone in the main hall and I let out a shrill noise that made his sister Mia and her fiancé giggle as they stood on the bridge to Cullen’s tower with wine goblets in their hands.

“Be gentle with him brother. I don’t want you to break him on the first night.” Mia tittered but Cullen growled in response as I dangled over his shoulder.

“I’ll take that as a ‘no’…” The brown haired man tilted his head in concern. “Should we…”

Master growled again and it reverberated into my core as I saw the former-scout cringe and his wife-to-be pulling him along to follow her back into the rotunda.

“Jim…let’s…uh go. Yes let’s go…”

Cullen locked the doors as soon as we entered without setting me down, he then climbed up the ladder with me still dangling over his shoulder. Once we reached the top, Master placed me down onto the bed and smiled as I backed up towards the headboard. 

“Now that I have you to myself, we need to set down three ground rules.” The man I loved began as he climbed on top of me and placed his hand beside my head to keep himself propped up while his claw settled at my thigh as he breathed hotly onto my face and neck. “Rule number one: If I ever hurt you, you fight back. You stop me with all your might.”

“That’s impossible.” This one shook his head sadly and got a sad glance from him as he settled down beside me.

“What do you mean?”

“Change was the fighter.’ I smiled sadly as Master wrapped me in his arms and pulled off my hood. He tossed it aside and nuzzled my stubble covered jaw-line with his bearded cheeks. “He was the masculine one, the one who took you happily and defied you if required. Change was rebellious and loud while this one is yours in every way.”

“I see.” Cullen nodded. “Then we’ll use our safeword.” (‘Shite?’ I…can do that)

“What’s rule number two?” I asked after nodding.

“We talk about anything that bothers us. It doesn’t matter what it is, so long as we talk it through.”

I nodded to him as Cullen then straddled me, his armor weighed me down and was quite uncomfortable but my Lion made sure not to crush me as he kissed my nose and grinned.

“Rule number three: We will fight the Evanuris, but not each other. We need to be strong for each other.”

“This one is nothing without you, Master. This one loves you completely.” I smiled as Cullen moved in for a kiss but I stopped him with a hand to his chest. “Please Cullen…hold me. Make me feel safe and secure. No danger or woes, just this one and Master…”

My words trailed off as my mouth ran dry but Cullen got the idea. He pulled away and began to unbuckle his armor. After a few moments, he was left in his tunic and slacks and pulled me into his arms. He eased my robe over my head and tossed it over his armor pile at the corner of the room. He let out a sound between horror and lust as his fingers traced scars over my flesh.

“I-I…did this to you…” Cullen stuttered as he licked at them and I gasped loudly at the sensation of his warm tongue against my flesh. He then looked at me with want in his eyes as he nodded to himself, his mouth opened and he spoke in a commanding tone. “Turn around.”

I did so without question and moved so that my back faced the Lion and my chest was flush to the bed. Cullen leaned over me and I felt his tongue trace scars along my back. I hissed out loud and got a chuckle from the blonde that ignited a fire inside of me as he licked at my spine and slowly moved lower and lower until he licked at the start of my pants.

“Lift your hips.” Cullen murmured and I moaned when I felt him ghost his fingers over my need, his hands made quick work of the ties of my pants and slid down both my slacks and my underwear in one go. I then felt hot air at my ass as a bearded cheek nuzzled my flesh there and garnered a loud gasp from me. I tried to turn to see what he was doing but he placed his claw on my back to keep me in place. “Don’t be alarmed. I wish to…to try something.”

I nodded to him feverishly as I felt his tongue lick at my entrance, my cock immediately rose to attention as his tongue pressed against me and lapped inside, sticky and lovely as it moved about, mapping the area with slow, uncertain licks that made me grab hold of the bed sheets as he moved with a low hum in his mouth. I groaned in ecstasy as his tongue was retracted and then returned suddenly, filling up the emptiness with fluid fullness a finger could never have.

“Ah…Master!” I rasped as his tongue began to move faster, effectively opening me up wide and filling me up with his spittle. This one wasn’t expecting it to be so pleasing and thus I came when Master began to fondle my balls. He let out a low sound as his tongue was removed.

“I’m not done yet. Turn around.” Cullen snarled as I turned at his command. He pulled away and folded his arms with a stern look in his eyes. “Strip me.”

“Yes Master.” I beamed as I got up and moved over to the former templar while still wearing my gloves and boots. Cullen giggled when I by mistake bumped heads with him from the orgasm I had moments ago. “S-Sorry Master.”

“Don’t…” Cullen shook his head and growled as he pulled off my boots and my gloves. “Make me hard, Josh. Make me hard so I can take you.”

I nodded as I slowly removed articles of clothing and relished in the flesh being revealed until he was completely undressed. I then began to worship his body with my fingers and my lips, making sure that no part of his hard, exciting body was untouched by me. I managed to get a few moans from the man I loved as his endowment hardened accordingly and soon he had a rock hard cock as Cullen wrenched me to the bed and mounted me from behind. His cock brushed at my entrance as he settled slowly and kissed at my neck.

This one cringed in delight as his Master teased with his hardness, slowly rubbing it against my waiting ass, it sent shivers through me as he kissed at my neck and back and slowly eased his head inside. Delightful pain engulfed my senses as my muscles clenched around him and I cried out as his cock was sheathed inside me little by little as he pushed in and pulled out. After a few moments of the movement, he was sheathed fully and hit my prostate with vigor as he bottomed out and pulled out.

“So…tight…” Cullen growled as he slammed back inside and his claw settled at my hands, holding me tight so that I didn’t escape but not so hard that he would cut into my fingers. He then eased his hand on my back and kissed at my back, his beard grazing over the tender flesh as he moved, in then out, a feeling this one loved as his fullness pushed at me in a way that was profound and got my heart racing. “Fuck you feel so good…”

I came again, his time harder than the last time as Cullen stopped moving and readjusted so that I was riding his cock while he lay on his back and slid me effortlessly on his thick weapon. As he moved, my breath hitched as my body hugged him in the most intimate way possible and I felt him shoot his seed into me, hot and steamy as he pulled out with a sigh. He moved to kiss me, his cock still hard as his lips met my own and he moved me into his lap, and then smiled at me. He then pulled away from me with a horrified yelp as he wiped at the tears rolling down my cheeks and began to frantically search my body for wounds.

“Did- Did I hurt you?!” Cullen asked with urgency in his voice but I pulled his face to my own and grinned as more tears fell and blurred my vision.

“I'm just so happy Cullen…” I wept as this one pulled him down so that Cullen was leaning over me, his cock hard and heavy as it pressed against my chest. He wiped at my tears and wrapped his strong arms around me as our bodies were pulled close, an embrace of muscle and warmth that filled me up with a feeling of protection in his arms. “People understand now. It will be easier to face the Evanuris now but…”

“But?” Cullen purred as he nuzzled my face, his cock rubbed against my chest and my own need as he moved slowly.

“I need to know Cullen. If this one was made, he needs to understand why and…how.” I flushed as Master stopped moving and watched me silently for a moment. He traced a finger over my scar and smiled.

“Are you sure vhenan?”

“I am.” I nodded as I reached down and wrapped my fingers around his throbbing need. “Master…”

“Yes Josh?” Cullen murmured with a low rumble as this one started a slow stroke that made Cullen’s hardness throb slightly.

“This one is Purpose. You are my purpose. I will follow you to the ends of Thedas and I will give my life for you.” 

“What if I want to follow you instead?” Cullen asked as he pulled away from me and eased up my legs. He positioned himself between my legs as my hands settled at his chest as his cock brushed my entrance and smeared it with his pre. “What If I want to protect you instead?”

“Protect me then, but I cannot lead anyone. Change was the leader. Change was the visionary. I am not capable of being strong and fierce like you Cullen. I will stand at your side and I will help you through everything but…I cannot be who I was. I am not Change. I am Purpose.” I smiled as I reached down and eased him inside me. Master let out a cuss as flesh pressed against him as he leaned in closer to me. “I-I surrender myself to you, Cullen.”

“You surrender?”

 I nodded as Cullen bottomed out and we were finally joined together again as Master made no effort to move. Instead, we relished in the feeling of being joined intimately as his rod filled me up completely while Cullen caressed my face and I kissed his scar.

“You are amelan-vhenan…Master, ‘The Protector of the Heart’. My heart is yours. Keep it safe, please.”

“Maker’s breath…” Cullen breathed and this one felt his heart quicken as we remained joined. The lion smiled at me as I traced his scar while he traced my own. “I will protect you Joshua. No one will take you from me.”

(Oh Master…)

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been aching to write this for so long...:3c *cries tears of joy*


	9. You Have Left That Path

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I have a new path now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wrote this chapter while listening to Welcome to Amaria (Amaria) by Two Steps From Hell

“It’s nothing!” Cullen roared as Iron Bull struck his claw with a heavy blow with his hefty axe. The huge man landed powerful, staggering blows to my lover but somehow my handsome husband shot me a grin and guarded against them with ease. Lately, Cullen was able to recall my name, not always but it was enough times to make me want to kiss my husband from the joy in my heart. (My husband is recovering! Suck it, Red Lyrium!)

Husband…(Why am I blushing so much when I say it?!)

This one could not understand it, but whenever I reminded myself that Master was my husband, I got all tingly inside. Profound warmth would engulf this one and Cullen would look at me knowingly as I hugged at my chest and blushed even more at his intense gaze.

It also didn’t help that I had a bad fever. This one had gotten it after an intense session of love making in a sweltering night of Tevinter. I woke up the next day with a burning up body. I urged Charger and Sulahn to stay away lest they end up with the fever as well. Master chuckled when the mabari led our little princess away with a happy bark as I tried to leave my bed and help myself but Cullen was adamant to serve me for the day. (So…sweet) Of course, this one grew irritated and decided to do my own thing but Dorian intervened.

I was ever thankful that Dorian did so. I spent most of the day with him as he sat in the gardens but the best part- the part that made me feel better for the moment was watching a shirtless Iron Bull spar with my equally shirtless and utterly handsome Lion. This one’s eyes watched in eagerness and wonderment as his muscles flexed with every movement. It was mesmerizing to see his back move and the large muscles he had on his arms. I found myself fantasizing over being in his arms and him ravishing me against one of the manor walls, out of earshot and out of sight but close enough to be caught if we weren’t careful. (Oh my…)

 A layer of sweat covered his skin and I nearly drooled as he struck back against Bull. He was powerful and I loved that. I loved that Master could pull me into his arms like a sack of potatoes and how powerless this one would be to stop him. That was the beauty of it all. Despite everything, I trusted Cullen more than ever. I knew who and what he was: A man, a lion and a lover with a heart of gold. This one loved him so much that words…could never convey my feelings for Master. Not even my actions would do either. It was a deep feeling, set in my heart. But this one…knew what it was. A made heart in a made body, a made construct that loved him with every fiber of it’s being.  All this one needed for the moment was closure, but that would come in time. Master assured me that after we had more information of the Evanuris, we would go to the Temple of Mythal to find out more about Fen’an and his trickery.

The Dread Wolf and my sister were quite reclusive since the wedding but it didn’t really matter. He was around when it counted. Cassandra and the others didn’t like how we had kept in contact with him in fear of his plan to destroy the Veil. To be honest, this one wasn’t fearful of that at all; I feared the prophecy of Eleni Zenovia but in order to allay the fears of the people, Solas took the initiative and severed all ties with us. He would continue with his plan with my sister at his side willingly while the Lion and the Wolf prepared to face him and perhaps…the Evanuris themselves.

 Before I could think on it further, Cullen moved over to me, nuzzled my hands and kissed them as I adjusted the thin shawl over my back and chest. He smiled at me briefly as Bull sent us an approving nod as he moved over to Dorian and took him inside for some snacks.

“Did you enjoy the show?” Master asked with a hint on jealousy in his voice as his eyes trailed after Bull and returned to my eyes as he sat beside me and wrapped his sweaty arms around me. I nodded as the musk from his battle engulfed my senses and I found myself hugging at his chest to smell the masculine scent he had. He chuckled when my nose settled at his abs and took in the fragrance. “You like my smell?”

“I love your scent, yours alone.” I whispered as pain filled me along with lethargy from the fever. I settled my head on his lap and giggled when he eased his claw through my hair. Dorian made it clear that I needed to cut my hair to look presentable, so I opted for a crew cut but with the top left long so that I didn’t resemble the man who was Inquisitor but rather a new man: Joshua “Vher’an” Lavellan-Rutherford…Cullen’s husband and the Wolf. Purpose…

“Are you feeling any better?”

“Now that I’m with you, this one is filled with happiness.” I smiled.

“You didn’t answer my question.” Cullen smirked as he kissed at my damaged hand. This one was filled with a feeling akin to hope and love as he held it to his heart and I felt how powerfully his heart strummed in his chest. I wished that I could reach inside and caress it. To feel it beat loudly, drowning all sound with just a sound of absolute certainty…Of life and of love. I was made but Cullen…

He was perfect in every regard and I had no complaints against him. He was the perfect man, the perfect husband, the perfect father, a man who filled me up with a reason to survive the dark forest of Change and to return to him each day to remind and remember. I loved him so much but I could tell that despite his shows of affection and his caring candor- that I was failing him.

Cullen never said it, but being incapable of taking Master had taken its toll. Cullen loved to take me. I could feel it in his movements, practiced, restrained and loving but still unsatisfied. I knew he wanted me to be inside him and it hurt me to know that I could never do it. I lacked the confidence. Furthermore, I felt disgust towards the notion. No matter how much I tried to entertain the idea…I never did it. (Oh Cullen…this one is sorry)

Later that day, Morrigan dropped in for a brief visit. My half-sister was quite pleased to see me, something that was quite strange to witness but pleasant to be the recipient of. I loved her just as I loved Flemeth. Mother…was gone but I had Morrigan and she had a part of Mother in her. This one didn’t know if she knew but it seemed that Kieran did. Even without the Old God soul, the child had an awful habit of speaking in riddles much to Cullen’s horror but Sulahn seemed to understand him. (Weird)

Few days went by and Morrigan left again for parts unknown, promising to return with some good news with regards to information on the Evanuris. I was still slightly feverish but the worst had passed. Sulahn took a liking to Dorian’s mother, who admittedly terrified this one. The old woman was much like Moth but a tad more open to shows of emotion. She would often have Charger marching in front of her and Sulahn at her side as she walked from room to room, sometimes tutoring my daughter in History or Tevene. It was nice to see her open up like that and judging from the many chuckles Dorian made, he was quite amused when it happened.

One night, when I was restless; I heard Cullen move with practiced movements. The sound of flesh moving and the muffled growl coming out from his mouth told me exactly what I needed to know. As much as it turned this one on to know what he was doing, it hurt me to know that I wasn’t the one drawing out such pleasure from him.

His hand moved rhythmically as I turned slowly, making sure not to move too quickly or too much as I didn’t want to alert him. I listened as he moaned softly to himself and it stirred lust in me as my own need hardened to the sounds I heard beside me. I didn’t have to see to know what he was doing. I feinted fatigue and secretly listened as he brought himself to a semi-quiet climax. I wished that I was the one who brought him to it but inwardly I liked the idea of hearing him pleasure himself. It was sexy to hear how his breath hitched as he came on the sheets. (M-Master…)

The next morning, I managed to convince the servants not to cook and I served up an assortment of meals and snacks for the day. Of course, Cullen was against it at first but I got him to see my side of things: that I would recover faster if I was kept busy. As usual, Sera and Bull ate most of the food. (Gluttons) I didn’t mind. I got to have a romantic picnic with Cullen, Charger and Sulahn.

By the time the following week passed, I was feeling better and we got an urgent missive from my brother. Apparently, Moth and Callum needed to see me personally for some business. They also wanted some time with their son-in-law. I didn’t mind that part. Callum was the first man to hug Cullen at our wedding and Moth seemed to have come around. (Finally!) They said that we would meet at the Winter Palace within two months, so for the moment, we had time to ourselves.

Cullen was being all romantic and planned a short jaunt for us. Sulahn opted not to go for some reason but Charger was eager to come with us. After kissing our beloved daughter and entrusting her to Dorian, Dagna, Sera and Bull; Cullen, Charger and I traveled by Eluvian to an abandoned Skyhold. Each time I enquired about where we were going, Master would grin impishly at this one and Charger would woof in agreement, making me flush with heat as the large dog eyed me with a look that echoed of “Hey! Relax! We’re taking you somewhere great!” (Oh Charger. This one loves you so much…)

Once we left the place where we toiled against the Elder One, I realized that Cullen was taking me towards the Frostback Basin, through a shortcut only known to the Avvar of Stone-Bear Hold. I clasped my fingers into his and grinned as we walked along aside a snow matted Charger who nuzzled against me as I walked.

“Why here?” I asked as we entered the Frostback Basin and I saw the Hold in the distance.

“People remember the past, right?” Cullen asked and I nodded. It was weird…but since the revelation of my creation by Solas, it was as if the world suddenly awoke from a long slumber to remember what had happened the first time around. Cullen then smiled to himself and blushed. He absentmindedly rubbed at his neck whenever he grew shy. “I want them to know you. I want us to know them but most of all…I want to be who I was back then: Stronger, faster, braver…a better man.”

“You are the best man I know.”

“The Avvar made me better. I know all the rites and their customs, but what I require is a corporeal link to them…that when people see me, they know to fear me- us.”

“Oh Master…” I smiled and kissed his hand. I let out a small cry when I heard several voices ahead gasp in amazement as Cullen pointed to the Hold as warriors approached, not with their weapons drawn, but with their eyes fixed on me. Smiles lined faces, old and young as Cullen led me into the Hold while Charger took point towards a hooded woman who sat on a throne, covered in the furs of animals large and small. She looked at me with amazement as she got up and approached us. “Why…are they all staring at me like this?”

“You are the savior of the Lady of the Skies. You’re practically a God in their eyes for saving Her.” Cullen smiled as he kissed my cheek and bowed to the Thane of Stone-Bear Hold.

The hooded woman approached and smiled as her people roared out in happiness. I buckled slightly in fear as the sound reverberated through me, but Cullen kept me in place with his toned arms as I watched her lean on her giant maul with an ear to ear grin.

“You shame us, Cullen First-Thaw. Had we known that Her savior was coming, we would have prepared a feast.” The woman bowed, and I gasped when every other soul, even spirits that I saw bowed as Cullen kissed my neck tenderly. They then arose as the Thane stood upright with a calm grin. “I am Svarah Sunhair and I welcome you to Stone-Bear Hold. Thank you for gracing us with your light.”

I smiled shyly as Cullen nodded to me with a pleased look in his reddish, leonine eyes as she took us to the mess hall.

 

\---

 

The Avvar had prepared a massive feast while I toured the Hold and I ate to my fill. The men and women of the tribe, even the children came up to me to greet and getr to know me and I was surprised by their cheeriness and their cordiality. I was mostly with the Thane and the warriors of the tribe, chatting about my battle with the Elder One. Cullen wasn’t seen for a few hours, but I wasn’t concerned. There was however a strange feeling in my heart, emptiness that only existed when he wasn’t around as my dasemah’lin grew dull and heavy on my arm. The tribe took a great interest in me and Charger as they fed him a large amount of cooked ram leg and some nug stew. He barked happily as he settled beside me. Master soon returned and this one perked up, my heart overflowing with happiness as he pointed outside towards a barn of a sort and to an old man covered in furs and wrinkles that was covered in a thick layer of cracked mud and paint. The Thane urged me to follow Cullen outside to the barn with a smile on her face as she stroked at Charger’s ears along with some eager children  who played with him.

“I want you to meet someone.” Cullen grinned at this one as he took my hand and the shaman nodded to me as the man I called my husband placed his hand on the door with a smile. I nodded to him.

Cullen First-Thaw introduced me to the Hold Beast, Storvacker and I really a liking to the bear (and it to me it seemed) as it nuzzled my fingers with untold knowingness. He then formally introduced me to the old shaman, an Augur as I understood it. He then looked at me sadly and explained that the Augur and I would speak tomorrow about my condition. I then understood. He would tell me if it was possible to reunite Change with Purpose. This one wasn’t sure it he wanted it be such. I loved Master. Change scared me.

My husband had a sinister, but loving look in his eyes as he pulled me towards a dwelling set up for us in a treehouse on the outside of the Hold. Apparently, the Thane opted to look after Charger herself and wanted Master and I to have some privacy.

Once we settled in the quaint, candlelit home, Cullen began to pull off his armor and smiled at me as he approached me with a clay pot filled with a pungent paint inside it. He handed it to me and I saw that it was black in color. When I looked up, I saw that Cullen was half naked; wearing only the loose slacks he normally wore under his armor. Master then pulled this one to straddle him on the floor as he took the pot from me and made sure to set it down carefully beside me. He then took told of my chest and pulled me into a hug.

I let out a gasp as I felt his arms wrap around me. He grinned against my neck as I calmed down on his body and snuggled against him. I was tickled by something on his chest as I rubbed my fingers along his hard chest. I thought I was mistaken, it was only when I felt it again that I looked at Cullen in confusion.

“Vherain…” I began. Cullen murmured my name in a low tone as he kissed my neck but I had none of it. I pulled away from him and rubbed my damaged hand over his chest. “…You have chest hair.”

Cullen looked at this one with a befuddled look. He then burst out laughing, his eyes closed as he clutched at his chest in sweet agony while I sent him a bitter glare. Master then grinned at me with love in his eyes and took hold of my hand, moving through the small mess of golden curls that dotted his chest. (How did I not notice he had chest hair?!)

“You didn’t know?” Cullen asked, bamboozled and utterly shocked as I settled against his chest and shook my head. He let out another laugh and kissed at my hair. His claw settled over my back and pulled me flush to his body so that our heat was one. “We’ve been together for so long. I thought you saw it by now.”

“I-I get easily distracted by your face and your voice…and your muscles…” I admitted. Cullen lifted me so that my face as in line with his and he smiled slightly as he touched my reddening cheeks. “Oh Cullen. I’m sorry. I see you, I hear you and I fall in love all over again. This one is sorry for not noticing. This one loves you completely.”

“Do…you like it?” Cullen asked, catching this one completely off guard. This one looked at Master with confusion in his eyes.

“Huh?”

“D-Do you like the hair on my chest? I…I’ve been considering shaving it off, maybe even my beard as well.” Cullen looked away and flushed. I immediately grabbed his claw and shook my head feverishly as I nuzzled his beard.

“I like your beard and your body hair. It’s…manly.” I cooed as I nuzzled my face against his chest and managed to get a low moan from Cullen as I moved. I stopped briefly and returned to his height, face to face as I ran my fingers through his stubble and his neck stubble and relished in the feeling it had between my finger and thumb of my wounded hand. “Change was manly. He liked to dominate and to fight back. Purpose likes what he sees. Purpose wants to be wrapped in your arms and to feel your beard on his skin. Purpose is yours alone, Master.”

Cullen nodded contently then pointed to the pot and asked me to settle in his lap as he took the pot and held it firmly as I repositioned. Once I was ready, he placed the pot in my right hand and kissed at my damaged hand. I let out a slight giggle as he dripped my finger into the cold paint and smirked, his eyes a mix of red and honey that sparked a deep love for Master as he looked at this one.

“The first time I applied this paint to my skin was after I believed that you were dead…” Cullen faltered and I saw that his eyes were beginning to well up with tears. I wiped at them before they could fall and he smiled. “Now I want you to apply it to your husband. Please.”

“M-Me?” I yelped, garnering a brief chuckle from Cullen as he kissed at my cheek and grinned despite my protests. “I don’t know what to paint on you! I-I mean I want to…but have n-no clue what to do.”

“Alright.” Cullen looked at me thoughtfully and nodded to himself briefly as he kept my finger in the pot of paint and smiled to himself. “Look at me. See the Fade and tell me what I look like to you.”

I nodded to him and tried my best to shift my vision, blocking out the real world by covering my normal eye and looking through my dead eye. That was then I saw it, the once snarling, angry, monstrous lion was gone. Instead, there was a harsh lion, with sad eyes and a whitish-red glow about it. Sometimes, a flicker of love would appear and make the lion smile happily as this one looked at Master. I then that a bluish, grey mist swirled about like the ocean and I knew what it was the moment I saw it: lyrium.

I explained what I saw to Cullen and he smiled to me, a hint of sadness in his eyes, easily replaced by happiness and a faint glow of lust in his darkening eyes. He took this one’s damaged hand with his hand and began to paint subtle waves of water and crests of the ocean on the forearm before his claw started.

“Continue.” Cullen hummed as he watched me eagerly as I took the opportunity to try my hand at it. At first, I doubted myself, but Master was uncomplaining and loving as he whispered assurance after assurance as my finger painted the lines across his arm. I enjoyed how his skin and how the hairs on his arm felt as my finger brushed over it and filled it with the waves of the ocean, calm and serene as it flowed but violent and uncompromising as it roared against the sky.

“Master…” I whispered as I painted. Cullen raised a blonde brow as I moved along his arm to his shoulder in a dramatic swirl that extended to his neck and a small apart of his back. He watched as I trailed onto his chest and grinned. “Will you paint on me as well?”

“Do you want me to paint on you?” Cullen smirked. I managed a small nod as I looked away bashfully, my cheeks overheating and filling me with a sense of shame. I felt a warm hand settle at my chin as said hand turned my face back to the Lion and I saw him snarl. “No Josh. Don’t look away. Don’t feel embarrassed. I am your husband.”

I blushed even more and the Lion chuckled as he caressed my cheek with his claw. He took hold of the pot filled with paint and took some of the war paint on his fingers as he began to paint the lines I stopped painting across his chest whilst making sure to pin me down with his body weight as he reversed our roles. My breath hitched as I watched intently his finger move, gliding effortlessly as he moved over to his neck and face and continued the design over half of his face.

Once he was done, he set down the pot and purred as he grinded his hips against me and I felt his hardness poke at my thigh. I relished in the feeling as I met him halfway with a grind as well and shuddered as he wrapped his arms around me again.

“What do you want me to paint on you?” Cullen asked as he licked at my neck and bit down. His teeth surged my skin with a delightful pain as I moaned loudly against him and writhed as he kissed at the spot he marred with his teeth.

“A-Ah…Your name! This one wants your name on his body. Please Master…write your name on me!”

Cullen stopped in mid-movement let out a confused noise.

“M-My name?”

“Yes, amelan-vhenan.” I whispered, again I blushed and looked away. Cullen grew tired of forcing me to face him so he kissed at my neck and massaged at my chest with his fingers and the tips of his claw.

“Why my name?” Cullen asked as he began to play with my nipples. I let out a series of pained, but delight-laced cries as he moved his fingers and appendages, making my cock harden and strain at his efforts to pleasure me.

“Master is everything to this one. If this one ever forgets, he wants to be reminded who he belongs to…” I trailed off and closed my eyes. I was expecting a kiss (or something) but Cullen stopped his movements completely. (What’s happening…?) “Cullen? Is something-“

“I do not own you! You do not belong to me!” He gritted his teeth and tossed the pot aside. It clamored as it struck the wall and painted it black as the blackened sludge dripped down painfully slow. I let out a sharp gasp as it happened and immediately felt the tears streaming down my cheeks as Cullen roared out in anger, heaving for breath as he shook his head and growled at me. “You are not an object! You are a person damn you!”

“Y-Y-You’re scaring me…” I cried and I managed to hear Cullen curse to himself. I felt his toned arms wrap around me as he settled beside me and kissed at my brow, his claw rubbing through my hair as he whispered into my ear.

“I’m sorry Josh. I love you. I- uh…I mean to um…ugh this is ridiculous.” He cursed aloud again and shook his head as he wiped at my tears and nuzzled my face with his own, his beard raking against me but filling this one with a feeling of safety. “We…We need to talk.”

I nodded to him, concerned as I noticed his tone turn harsh and an unreadable look in his reddish-brown eyes as he cupped my cheek and wrapped his hands around my shoulders.

“What’s wrong?”

“Us. I uh…I mean…” Cullen began to stammer and he flushed as he searched for the right words. I had an idea of what was bothering him and I felt dread fill my heart. I clung to him and cried out as I wept loudly against him.

“Don’t leave this one Master! Please! T-This one is sorry!” I bawled, half terrified and half saddened by the very notion. Cullen let out a girlish yelp and shook his head,

“N-No! Why would you…No…I um…I’m not sure how to say this. Maker’s breath, it was easier to say to Charger.” Cullen wrapped his hands around me and sighed. I felt the cracked paint on his chest and the intense smell he now had and eased my hold on him as I cried on. “Josh…I can’t take you anymore. I’m sorry.”

Something in me broke in that moment. I looked at the Lion in disbelief and horror he moved to hug me but I pulled away and threw myself at his feet. I grabbed at his legs and sniveled I heard him gasp in utter confusion as a hand moved to my hair.

“M-Master…please beat me! Don’t punish me like this!” I sobbed as I felt Cullen lift me up into his arms. He moved me, a mess of tears and muscle and placed me softly on the bed. He climbed on top of me and wiped at the tears streaming down my cheeks and neck. I flushed as I stilled under his intense gaze. I eased my damaged hand over his chest and relished in his heat as he moved closer to me so that our foreheads touched. “Please Cullen…I need you. I can’t do without you. This one can’t-“

Cullen ignored me as he began to nuzzle my face. My flush intensified as I felt his body move close to mine as he started a slow grind. The movement allowed me to feel that his manhood was hard and straining against his pants. I let out a sharp gasp as it slid against me and made my own need harden as he moved.

“M-Master…” I managed to murmur as he pinned me down to the bed with his claw and continued ignoring me. “Cullen…please…take me.”

“I cannot take you. As it is…I’ve made the mistake of domineering you in bed. You are not less than a man. Not at all, my dear Wolf. I…” Cullen tittered to himself and looked at me with a lustful look in his eyes. “There are… other ways for us to pleasure each other. You don’t have to be submissive to me. You are my equal.”

“But Master…”

“Shhh.” Cullen smiled as he pulled away and took my damaged hand in his claw. He brought it to his lips and kissed tenderly at the flesh. I blushed as he looked at me while doing so and smirked as he brought it to his scar. My finger and thumb stroked at the scab and I smiled slightly as I moved. Cullen continued his grind and kissed at my neck.

“Cullen…please.” I begged as he moved against me. He shook his head and bit down on the tender flesh. I let out a high pitched yell as pained filled this one. Cullen chuckled as he licked at the impression his teeth left, a soothing feeling washed over me as Master’s tongue eased the pain. I mewled as I felt him pull me onto his lap, his toned arms coiled around me as he readjusted us so that his back was against the headboard and my head against his chest. “Aah! Master….p-please.”

 “Ar lath ma, Vher’an.” Cullen whispered as his hands moved about my back and traced the lines of my tunic. He slid his hands underneath and I cried out as his warm fingers began to work the muscles on my back. He kissed at my neck again and I gasped as his teeth grazed the flesh. “I’m doing this for your own good. Submitting to me has…been detrimental to you my love. I only want what’s best for you.”

“Oh Cullen…” I murmured as the Lion pulled away from me. His eyes roamed my face briefly and I cursed myself for being so easy to read as I looked away from his fiery gaze and looked off at the blackened wall where Cullen tossed the pot. I heard the former-templar chuckle as he took hold of my jaw, gently with the tips of his claw and smiled as he turned my face to his. He pecked my cheek and smiled again, his face perfectly handsome as he looked at me with an astonished look. I averted my eyes again but Cullen kept my face in place as he shook his head. “No…Master…”

Cullen kissed at my cheek again, his own bearded cheek grazing against me as he moved slowly and nuzzled my face. I felt my face overflow with heat as I closed my eyes and a tear slipped from my wetting eyes as heat surged my body.

“Are you a-afraid of me?”

I shook my head and looked away from Cullen. He let out an exasperated sigh as he wiped at my tears again and closed his eyes as he breathed deeply. He leaned against me and I delighted in the arms holding me close to his warm chest as a slight breeze entered the room.

“Why are you so shy of me? It’s not like we haven’t been together like this before.”

“You are my Master. This one loves you more than anything in this world. I am overwhelmed by my feelings. If you don’t take me…there’s no consent needed. This one loved giving you consent- the feeling of giving myself to you. I loved that but now…Cullen- I feel like it’s the first day I saw you in Haven. I feel so-“

“ _Safe and solid, protecting and proud. He feels like quiet, stronger when you hold him. The Red chains cut into him but it screams when you hold him. A knife to sever the Red, he holds you together, forgetting, remembering but loving_. It makes no difference to him. You are all he needs.” A disembodied voice spoke as I turned to look behind me. Cullen let out a sharp snarl as he pulled me into his arms and turned me around so that we both faced Cole as he smiled meekly from under his hat and sat at the foot of the bed. “ _Heart overflowing, mind torn to shreds, a splinter of Self in a storm of shards. Strong hands hold me in place, perfectly, lovingly, tenderly as I give in to the Lion. Eyes filled with love and lust, transfixed from overwhelming emotion_.”

“Hello Cole.” I smiled and the spirit nodded as it continued. I felt Cullen kiss at my hand in that moment and enjoyed the feeling of his lips on my flesh.

“ _He sounds hollow. Too loud, too brazen without a leash. Purpose remembers Change and fears the freedom. He doesn’t like being free. He likes to be caged, secure and serene. Hands spring to mind, heart racing as muscle encloses around him. ‘Keep me safe.’ He whispers, half crying half smiling as his crashes resonates with the quiet. Silence and Noise. They make beautiful music together_. Keep making music.”

“…Thank you Cole.” Cullen murmured as his kissed at my hand again and the spirit got up from the bed and shook his head.

“No. Thank you. _A new beginning- not as Inquisitor or Herald but as Husband. Married by spirits and people. Bond forged in war and peace. Heart pounding as he traces dead flesh. He accepts me. He loves me. He traces my face with unshackled eyes. Roaming and searching…a flicker of lust beneath the leaves. Look away._ The door has reopened _._ Go inside.” Cole whispered as he disappeared and Cullen looked at me with an amused look in his eyes as he stroked at my hair. I cooed at his touch.

“That was…um…uh…” Cullen stammered as he pulled me to straddle him as he sat against the headboard, his eyes closed and the corners of his mouth pulled upward in a playful grin as he traced my scar with his claw.

“Informative?” I asked with a smile. Cullen nodded slightly as he kissed at my neck again, but not at the marred flesh.

“Granted, I only caught on a little of what he was saying…I do understand now.” Cullen nodded again as he pulled at my tunic to pull me closer to him. Before I could act, he had coaxed off my tunic and began to stroke at my exposed chest. I moaned as his claw mapped out my chest while his fingers undid the ties of my pants. “I will not break you further. We are equals and I know that you’ll grow to enjoy being with me without lowering yourself.”

“But Master…”

“Josh. I’ve thought about this for a long time.” Cullen growled as he pulled off my underwear and pants in one go and tossed it to the floor. I gasped and flushed as his body pressed against me, I could feel that his need was still raging hard against his breeches. He breathed against my ear with a slow grind, all the while working with the ties to free himself. “Trust me, ma vhenan. Please.”

I nodded to Cullen as he tossed his clothes aside and I felt him, hard and eager as he rocked himself against me. His cock slid against my own and I had to bite my lip as a feeling of pleasure washed over me as I met his movements with a sloppy grind as we kissed. His tongue traced my mouth and fought as we moved, flesh to flesh and filled with warmth.

This one felt elated as the first few drops of pre dribbled from my tip down over my own need and Cullen’s. I flushed as the man I loved took this one in his hand along with himself and started a slow but steady stroke. I wrapped my arms around Cullen as we grinded eagerly, his hotness in his hand and slick from the pre that continued to dribble down my shaft as Cullen moved his hand in tandem with our movements.

“C-Cullen…” I mewled as he quickened his pace. This one curled against his Master as he stroked with a slick hand. Just when this one thought he was getting used to the movement, Cullen pushed me away and leapt on top of me. He had a predatory look in his eyes as he pumped at my flesh and kissed at my neck. Slowly but surely, he kissed down my body, my own hands frozen in place as I felt his lips at my tip and his tongue licking at the hard flesh, filling this one with rapture. “Aaaah…”

“You’re always so eager to please me. It’s my turn now.” Cullen chuckled as he nuzzled my cock. His beard grazed me and sparked a flame in me as I flushed from the feeling that flooded my mind. He licked at the slit and I gasped girlishly as he took me in his mouth momentarily, and then smiled at me as he pumped the leaking organ. “Maker’s breath…Your taste…”

I let out a series of cries as he took me in his mouth, his hand pumping as his tongue left no part of my hardness untouched by his spittle. His claw stroked at my chest as I breathed erratically, this one unable to comprehend anything beyond what Master was doing to him. It was so blissful to have his mouth on me. I wanted to thrust forward but my body did not respond.

“Gah!….M-Master…” I cried as he looked into my eyes as he sucked me off. I blushed and looked away and felt Cullen chuckle slightly as he bobbed his head on me, suckling tenderly as he moved his claw and played with my nipples. The feeling made me fill up with heat. It was too late to pull away from him. “Aah! Cullen I’m…”

The heat rushed to my chest and I shot into his mouth. Master let out an amused sound as he slurped down my seed and he pulled away, his mouth dripping with my juices as he smiled at me coyly. This one however was quite distressed and ashamed. I turned away from him and closed my eyes as I felt him straddle my hips. He hugged at my chest and I felt his lips against my cheek as he shook his head while I shuddered.

“I’m sorry Master!”

“Don’t apologize. I like your…taste. I also like your genuineness.” Cullen licked at my cheek and his claw reached down to my cock and his own. I felt him grip me and himself and begin an unhurried stroke that made me whimper against his chest.

“Aaah…” I gasped as I felt my cock harden again in his grip. He tittered as he felt it and he kissed at my neck as he quickened his movements against me, pressing me flush to the bed with his heavier, muscled chest. This one wrapped his legs and his arms around his husband as Cullen grinded against me. “Drain me please!”

“Are you-“

“Please Master! Drain this one!” I cried and I moaned as Cullen tightened his grip on me. I felt him reach inside me tenderly, pulling out the mana from me, as he did so…Cullen stroked at my hair and kept his eyes on my face for any signs of discomfort until I was completely drained and holding onto him for dear life as he quickened his movements further. He took hold of my damaged hand and kissed at it as he moved. “Oh Cullen…”

“I love you Joshua! I love you more than anything in this world!” Cullen rasped as he let go of our hard cocks and he grinded against me, his arms wrapped around me as I closed my eyes in the pure pleasure, amplified by having no mana that completely shut out the world around this one. I felt him stroke at my cheek as he kissed at my forehead and cried out loud. “Maker’s breath…Josh. You are beautiful!”

“Ah! Cullen…” I managed to mewl and I felt Cullen pull me up so that we were seated upright in the middle of the bed and grinding eagerly against each other as the bed rocked from our labored movements. Heat pooled at my chest again and this one quaked against him “M-Master…”

“I k-know!” Cullen cried as he bit down at my neck and my eyes bolted open, I released wave after wave of seed against his chest. I let out a small gasp as Cullen himself roared as he came, his warm spunk landing on our bodies as he slowed and collapsed backward so that I could rest on his chest as we both came down slowly from the euphoric high. I felt a hand stroke at my hair as we panted like dogs in heat and our hearts pounding from the activity. “D-Did you enjoy it?”

All I could manage as I nod of my head as Cullen breathed against me, our cum covered bodies still entangled as we lay on the bed, too tired and too enamored with each other to clean each other up. Cullen wrapped his hands around me and kissed at my bitten neck. I murmured as his claw traced my back lovingly and tenderly as I gasped on his chest. He let out a throaty groan as my fingers traced his scar and I relished in the feeling of safety I had at his side.

Once our breathing returned to normal, I got up from the warm Lion despite my lethargy and his protests and proceeded to clean us up with some linens left nearby. Once clean, I proceeded to snuggle in bed with my beloved Master, this one relishing in the intense heat he had as he wrapped his arms around me and allowed my head to rest on his powerful, taut chest.

 

\---

 

I dreamed of the forest again, Ego eagerly leading me to the Temple to block out Change. I could see that the giant wolf was beginning to enjoy the hunt. In some sick way, I could understand him. As usual, I woke up screaming. Cullen calmed me down and sent me back to sleep, this time I dreamt not of the forest but of Alara and Solas…

When I woke up the second time, I held in a chuckle as Cullen approached sans shirt towards me, covered in various powders and splashes of dirt that covered much of his painted chest. Once he reached me and cupped my cheek lovingly, I realized that it wasn’t dirt, but food. It smelled a lot like sweet potato. (Sweet potato? What is he trying to make?)

“Good morning Josh!” Master beamed as he helped me to sit up. I did so with his help all the while ogling his dirtied chest and imagining myself licking him completely clean. He broke my train of thought once he placed a piping hot wooden bowl in my hands along with a spoon. Cullen began to stammer and I saw that his cheeks turned bright red as he pointed to the bowl. Inside I saw mashed sweet potatoes, seasoned with some cinnamon. (He used some of my spices?) “I-I um…I made you breakfast. I-uh hope you l-like it…Baking didn’t really work out so…I um…”

Cullen trailed off. This one chuckled inwardly as I scooped up a small bit of the warm mash and blew it slightly so I could eat it. I brought it to my lips and I immediately let out a ‘Mmmm…’ as I began to wolf down the meal. It was really tasty. Not too lumpy and not too sweet- Just right.

“So…good.” I mouthed between spoons of the sweet potatoes. Cullen let out a sigh as he moved away from me but I was having none of that. “Wait- C-Come here Cullen.”

“Yes?” The larger man asked. I set down the half eaten mash and leapt up into his arm. Luckily Master was a strong man, he caught onto my body and cradled me as I wrapped my arms around his chest and hugged at him tightly, almost unwilling to let go of the sweet, sweet husband I had. Cullen sounded a little rattled by my antics. “W-What was that for?”

“You…” I kissed at his cheek and climbed off the Lion as I pointed to the bowl and grinned. “…are the best husband in the whole world. I l-love you Cullen. You take care of me…you’re so loving and genuine. I-I don’t deserve you.”

“We deserve each other, Joshua.” Cullen rasped as he pulled me into his arms and I felt him smile against my shoulder as I rubbed my hands along his exposed back, he sighed as I pulled away and he gave me a knowing look. “Don’t ever think that you don’t deserve me. We deserve each and every happy moment that comes our way. Enjoy it and never regret it. I don’t know how long we have left but I am content only with you at my side.”

Master pulled me down to the bed and asked me to sit on his lap. I did so without question and nodded as he took hold of the hot food and began to feed me. Halfway through it, I fed him and he flushed as I ate the last of the meal and set down the bowl beside us.

“Why are you blushing?”

“It’s been five years and I only made a meal for you today.” Cullen looked away from me and I could see the shame in his eyes. I was about to speak as I turned his face back to my own with my wounded hand. He took hold of it and kissed at the remaining knuckles repeatedly, a sad smile on his face as he did so. “I will not give you less than you deserve Josh. You are amazing and I intend to make sure that times with me are as happy as possible."

“Then you’ve already done it, my love.”

“How so?” Cullen asked and this one tittered in amusement.

“You married me Cullen. You love me. We have a daughter together. Despite everything, the wars, the enemies, the people, the court intrigue…we’re still together and happy. That’s all I want: To be at your side, ma vherain.”

“Of course, and I want only one thing from you Josh.”

“What could that be?”

“Your love. I could live without food and water. I could survive in the most arid of lands but I cannot live without your love in my life. You are my world.”

“Oh Cullen…”

A knock came at our door and Cullen smiled devilishly as moved over to the door. In an instant, I was tackled by a panting Charger and a grinning Sulahn as I heard two others approach.

“My darling girl…” I murmured as this one pulled her into my arms and heard the mabari woof happily. I kissed at my daughter’s cheek and turned to Cullen who stood admiring us while Thom Montilyet approached, his beard shaven and his hair trimmed he nodded to me. “Hello Blackwall.”

“It’s good to see you, Joshua. I was visiting Bull and the others and made plans to see Cassandra in Val Royeaux before the meeting. This little girl begged me to see her papa's, so here we are...” The older man smiled and I offered him a seat on the bed as I sat Sulahn down beside me while Cullen disappeared outside along with Charger. The little girl spared me no time and ran off to play with her father outside. I let out a defeated sigh as I turned to Blackwall and heard him sigh as well. “Jospehine wanted to come too, I told her not to- especially in her condition.”

I picked up on his sultry tone and the slight blush on his cheeks and tittered as he looked at me with a knowing look.

“How far is she along?”

“Five months. She won’t be able to attend the meeting. I can already hear Florianne dancing in the distance.” Blackwall chuckled.

“Mock my ambassador all you like Blackwall. She gets the job done.” I shoved the burly man playfully and he didn’t budge. He let out a series of giggles as I tried my best to move him but he was solid and unmoving as I gave up and threw this one’s hands into the air. “Damn it Blackwall, why do you have to be so tough?”

“I’m surprised that you can’t move me. You can move Cullen…but then again he’s stronger than me. Maybe he goes easy on you. Especially in the bedroom I would think. Crushing his husband to death during a moment of passion would be quite embarrassing for the former-commander of the Inquisition to admit.”

“You’re awfully open about me and Cullen. Changed your mind?”

“We all have one life. Once you die, it’s gone. You found your happiness in Cullen and I found mine in Josephine. I don’t think the Maker gives a damn whether you’re both men or not. There are more important things out there…like stopping Solas.”

“Yes…” This one nodded sadly and looked at my former companion briefly. “This is my path now: being with Master and being a parent as well as a guardian of Thedas. I wish people understood that. I don’t want to be the Wolf forever. I want to settle down and to grow Sulahn up to become whatever she’d like to be. I just want this world to survive, to prove Fen’Harel wrong.”

“Admirable goals, all of them; you have my shield, as always,”

“Thank you. No doubt we will need it for the coming storm ahead.”

“I heard, yes. I’m not sure what to make of the situation. Solas was our friend and Alara…we fought the Elder One at her side and yours. She is dear to us all. Are you worried at all about the war to come?” Blackwall scooted closer to me and allowed me to lean onto him as I felt my heart quicken at his question.

“Always.” I murmured and I felt the older man wrap a hand around my chest as I shivered slightly. He nodded to me and we both looked ahead at the window that faced the Hold. “I can only hope that Solas sees reason.”

“I hope so as well, but if he doesn’t...you’ll have to steel yourself to face him, not as Solas but Fen’Harel. Can you do that?” Blackwall asked and I found myself unable to answer for a short moment.

“C-Cullen might, but I can’t.”

“You’ll have to.”

“I know. It f-frightens me.”


End file.
